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received via email...FWIW

A magazine recently ran a "Dilbert Quotes" contest.
They were looking for people to submit quotes from their real life

Dilbert-type managers. Here are the finalists:

1. "As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using
individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday and
employees will receive their cards in two weeks."

2. "What I need is a list of specific unknown problems
we will encounter."

3. "E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or
data. It should be used only for company business."

4. "This project is so important, we can't let things
that are more important interfere with it."

5. "Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the
schedule."

6. "No one will believe you solved this problem in one
day! We've been working on it for months. Now, go act busy for a few weeks
and I'll let you know when it's time to tell them."

7. "My Boss spent the entire weekend retyping a
25-page proposal that only needed corrections. She claims the disk I gave
her was damaged and she couldn't edit it. The disk I gave her was
write-protected."

8. Quote from the Boss: "Teamwork is a lot of people
doing what I say."
9. My sister passed away and her funeral was scheduled
for Monday. When I told my Boss, he said she died on purpose so that I would
have to miss work on the busiest day of the year. He then asked if we could
change her burial to Friday.
He said, "That would be better for me."

10. "We know that communication is a problem, but the
company is not going to discuss it with the employees."

11. We recently received a memo from senior management
saying: "This is to inform you that a memo will be issued today regarding
the memo mentioned above."

12. One day my Boss asked me to submit a status report
to him concerning a project I was working on. I asked him if tomorrow would
be soon enough. He said, "If I wanted it tomorrow, I would have waited until
tomorrow to ask for it!"

13. As director of communications, I was asked to
prepare a memo reviewing our company's training programs and materials. In
the body of the memo in one of the sentences I mentioned the "pedagogical
approach" used by one of the training manuals. The day after I routed the
memo to the executive committee, I was called into the HR director's office,
and told that the executive vice president wanted me out of the building by
lunch. When I asked why, I was told that she wouldn't stand for perverts
(pedophiles?) working in her company. Finally, he showed me her copy of the
memo, with her demand that I be fired-and the word "pedagogical" circled in
red. The HR manager was fairly reasonable, and once he
looked the word up in his dictionary and made a copy of the definition to
send back to her, he told me not to worry. He would take care of it. Two
days later, a memo to the entire staff came out directing us that no words,
which could not be found in Sunday newspaper could be used in company memos.
A month later, I resigned. In accordance with company policy, I created my
resignation memo by pasting words together from the Sunday paper.