McDonald's to pull out of Middle East, commentary by ex-exec Preston R. Menuez

McDonald's to pull out of Middle East

LONDON — American fast food chain McDonald's has announced plans to cease operations or close down its restaurants in a number of Middle Eastern countries. Without specifying which markets will be affected, the corporation said the pullout is a result of lagging returns on investment.

Ex-McDonald's Third World Market Exec. Preston R. Menuez Comments;. "Lagging Returns? C'mon now, I was totally for the McDonald's middle east move, the idea was increased international market penetration. I mean McGoatmilk shakes, McCurdled Cheescakes, and the Pork Free Menu was all fantastic on paper! What the heck happened? Everyone loves Ronald, Grimace and the HamBurglar... thinking about it now the regional mascot idea shouldn't have been canned. Abdu the McNugget Martyr with his 72 virgin dipping sauces should have been pushed through the consumer focus groups a little harder, I realize that now."

Since the launch of the grass-root boycott campaign in the Arab world against U.S. goods and services in 2000, two of Jordan's six McDonald's franchises have closed due to lack of business, one in the capital of Amman and the other near a Palestinian refugee camp.

Preston R. Menuez comments on this demographic decision. "Refuge camps are hot markets in the food industry, what we coin as "Hungry Zones". We were real close to blowing up in that market, but those damn refuges couldn't afford the 12,759 Dinar(money) for a bait-n-switch #2 combo meal!? Geeez, that's like $1.19 in US dollars!? You'd think if they were gonna travel out of their country they'd take some money! Those damn refugees!"

McDonald's decided to change its brand name in Egypt to Manfoods this past March, in an attempt to dodge a consumers' boycott launched against corporations identified as conducting business in the Jewish state.

Again Preston R. Menuz gives his take on this supposed debacle. "Ok, so McDonald's was not a good name to have over there with the recent political climate... the name-switch to ManFood's was supposedly gonna make the bank bigtime. We were all excited, the market studies and even the local billboard's we planned showed a groggy young male Muslim waking up at 4:45, you know just another day to pray early on till sunrise, going down to the local ManFood's for a Sausage and Cheese ManMuffin with some ManFood Juice. Then showing how great the praying day will go and how much better he prays with a Manfood Sausage 'n Cheese ManMuffin inside of him. Thinking back on that idea... I still get upset, it was a winner, we had over 500 islamic and muslim fundamentalists direct us on this idea, I stll don't know what went wrong."

McDonald's Egypt posted announcements in local newspapers denying rumors that its workers have donated a day's pay for Israel. Egyptian police forces were ordered to guard the entrances to McDonald's restaurants, after stone throwing incidents took place.

Preston R. Menuez gives us the inside. "Ok that was total crap! We had a few Christians in the store putting real pork in the Pork Free McBean Cakes, and the Muslims found out, it wasn't like they gave their salary to the Jews or anything. The reaction was totally unjust, it was just a freakin' prank, no big deal. The stone throwing was uncalled for! Where's that Muslim/Islam sense of humor anyway?! It's just pig meat, damn!"

In light of American support for Israel, popular committees in the Middle East have been calling to widen the boycott against U.S.-made products and services. Products on the embargo list include McDonald's, Coca Cola, Pepsi Cola, Kentucky Fried Chicken, Marlboro and Heinz.

Here's the real unfortunate story from Preston R. Menuez. "Ok, so they want to boycott American capitalism.... no problem. Who really gets hurt? Mumar Ferquan does... when he wants a pack of full flavored Red's, a Coke -hold the smile, a bucket of the Colonel's extra crispy with some slow movin' ketchup on the side! That's who gets hurt the plain 'ol common arabs just wanting some American products. What's next? No Charmin, Budweiser, or Irish Spring? This is insane!"

McDonald's also announced that it will shut down or restructure locations in Latin American nations, lay off 600 employees and close approximately 175 restaurants in 10 other countries. The Corporation forecasts the closures to decrease its net income before tax by $350 million. (Mena Report)

Preston R. Menuez gives a closing argument. "Yeah I was fired by McDonald's, but the dream still lives on in numerous McD's Execs. We need to give the third world that American touch! What are these people gonna do now? Flood our free borders just for that taste of a Big Mac, or Super Size Fries, or that lucious Hot Apple pie? Hell yeah they will, this agenda is bigger than you know! We will not quit! I work for Papa John's now and look out China, North Korea and Somalia... a better built and tasting Pizza is just around your corner! Muuuuahahhaahhaaha. FAST FOOD RULES!!"

There they go again. Those evil Western corporations decide once again to "disenfranchise" third world peoples ; )

Every McDonald's is a target in the Mid-East. They eat burgers there in the day and fire-bomb the place at night. It's almost as bad as Seattle during a WTO protest.

Preston R. Menuez gives us the inside. "Ok that was total crap! We had a few Christians in the store putting real pork in the Pork Free McBean Cakes, and the Muslims found out, it wasn't like they gave their salary to the Jews or anything. The reaction was totally unjust, it was just a freakin' prank, no big deal. The stone throwing was uncalled for! Where's that Muslim/Islam sense of humor anyway?! It's just pig meat, damn!"

Now you've just started a new rumor. How long before it shows up on Muslim hate sites? :-)

ManFoods - didn't they make that movie Soylent Green about that?

"A middle easterner ain't got no business with a BIG MAC"!

But they plan to remain in Iraq, where their McNapalm burger is selling well.

Fine, let the Arabs have their 2 all-camel patties with special sauce, cheese, lettuce, mayo, pickles, and onions all on a sesame-seed bun. We love to see them smile! :)