USO Canteen FReeper Style Pray for the Troops and President Bush....October 20,2002

FRiends of the USO Canteen FReeper Style ~Coteblanche & Snow Bunny~

[Snow Bunny]

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Although we are always aware
that the Canteen is operating
in Cyberspace, we want the troops
and anyone who is on the receiving end
of prayers at the Canteen,
to know that these prayers are very real.

I hope the troops and Canteeners
alike, will view this Canteen Chapel,
as a place where you might go in times of
trouble or times of joy to be with your God.

"Come unto me all ye who are weary and
burdened,and I shall give you rest." (Matt: 11:28).

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George W. Bush: A President of Faith

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A Man of Prayer

A reporter on CNN was asked

"What did George W. Bush do
on his first morning as president-elect?"

This was Tony Clark's answer:

"He attended a prayer service with family,
friends and staff members."

George W Bush's priorities were established
on the first day of his Presidency.

The President Takes His Faith to Work

President George W. Bush looks over to Thomas Martello, 6,
during the signing ceremony of the Victims of Terrorism
Tax Relief Act in the East Room Jan. 23.
"We're joined today by families who have lost loved ones
in the great acts of evil," said the President.
"As you draw on faith and personal strength to cope with your grief,
I hope you'll also find comfort in the knowledge that
your nation stands with you and prays for you.
We mourn those whom we've lost, and we face the future together."

The President Lives his Faith

President Bush says he prays every day
in all kinds of situations,
and has been seen to quietly bow his head and pray
before news conferences and important meetings.
"I pray for guidance. I do not pray for earthly things
but for heavenly things, for wisdom
and patience and understanding."

"For strength and support, Bush turns to
the same things that have sustained
him for two decades: his faith and his family . . .
Bush prays and reads the Bible every day.
These days, aides say, they often spot
a Bible on his desk in the Oval Office.
In conversation or meetings, he often refers to
passages of Scripture that he has just read."

"There are prayers that help us last
through the day, or endure the night.
There are prayers of friends and strangers
that give us strength for the journey.
And there are prayers that yield
our will to a will greater than our own."

George W. Bush September 14, 2001
National Day of Prayer and Remembrance.

Listen to President George W Bush
in an Inspiring Song by Russ Lee

Don't miss this.

I'm Going To Live What I Believe

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Music for a Sunday

How Great Thou Art (Elvis Presley) ......A Mighty Fortress

Amazing Grace (Statler Brothers).....Praise Adonai (Steve Israel)

The Lord's Prayer.....Ave Maria

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Hymns of the Military

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Army Hymn: "God of Our Fathers"

Navy Hymn: "Eternal Father Strong to Save"

Air Force Hymn: "Lord Guard and Guide the Men Who Fly"

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We, at the Canteen, offer these prayers 
to those serving their country 
today. God Bless you all.

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Psalm 59:1,16&17
(Patti Vaillant)

"Deliver me from mine enemies,O my God:
Defend me from them that rise up against me.
But I will sing of thy power;yes I will sing
aloud of thy mercy in the morning; for thou
hast been my defence and refuge in the day
of my trouble. Unto thee, O my strength will
I sing: for God is my defence, and the God of 
my mercy."

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Our Prayer
(Celine Dion/Andrea Bocelli)

I pray you'll be our eyes, 
And watch us where we go.
And help us to be wise 
In times when we don't know.

Let this be our prayer, 
When we lose our way.
Lead us to a place, 
Guide us with your grace
To a place where we'll be safe. 

I pray we'll find your light,
And hold it in our hearts
When stars go out each night,
Remind us where you are.. 

Let this be our prayer
When shadows fill our day
Lead us to a place
Guide us with your grace 
Give us faith so we'll be safe.

We ask that life be kind
And watch us from above.
We hope each soul will find
Another soul to love.

Let this be our prayer,
Just like every child,
Needs to find a place, 
Guide us with your grace
Give us faith so we'll be safe.

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Introducing .....

Today we are introducing a new feature to the 
Sunday Canteen - The Chaplain's Corner - with our 
very own FReeper chaplain, Grant Swank. 

Grant has been a regular contributor at the Poetry 
Branch, and we have come to know and appreciate his 
talent and his sincerity. Besides that - he is a 
genuinely nice guy :-).

Let me introduce you to Grant:

Grant Swank is pastor of the New Hope Church. 
He has pastored for 40+ years, 
ministering in Calgary, Alberta; Indianapolis; 
Kansas City; Manchester CT; Akron OH; Fishkill NY; 
Walpole MA and presently in Maine. 

Grant also finds ministry in writing for various 
Protestant and Catholic publications, including 
CHRISTIANITY TODAY, DECISION and THE PRIEST. 

Presently, Grant is providing columns for websites 
such as CHALCEDON, INTELLECTUAL.CONSERVATIVE, 
MENSNEWSDAILY, MICHNEWS and WOUNDEDSHEPHERDS. 

He also writes a weekly column, "Lakes Religion," 
for the PORTLAND PRESS HERALD newspaper, Portland ME. 

He and his wife, Priscilla, have traveled extensively, 
including the Middle East, Europe and South America. 
The Swanks have three adult children: Crystal, Jay and 
Heidi Jo.

We are very fortunate that Grant has agreed to give 
us a brief message every Sunday at the Canteen. We 
hope it will be a comfort to you, and to every serviceman 
and servicewoman joining us.

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The Chaplain's Corner

J. Grant Swank, Jr.,
Pastor, New Hope Church

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WHEN NOTHING WORKS, GOD IS

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How many times in life do you sit yourself down and say, "Nothing is happening. Maybe even God forgot to punch in today."

Oh really?

Go figure, as the teens say today. Go figure what happened with Joe seated in Egypt's jailhouse cell. Nothing was going on. Nothing. Rats ran across the floor. Water gathered flies in the corner bowl. But God had failed to punch in.

Go figure what was going on with Job seated on an ash heap. Nothing was moving but his squirrelly wife who wound his ear drums up tight. "Curse God and die!" Nice woman. Really one sweety pie of a gal. In other words, from all appearances, nothing at all was happening in that man's life but the worst of times.

Go figure with Dan being led to the den. Hands tied with rope. Burly soldiers tossing him about the footpath. An empire breathing down his slender throat. And lions salivating all over the cave floor. Obviously, God had forgotten to punch in.

Go figure with Noah and Mom Noah and three sons with daughters-in-law. Nothing really was happening but more sweat pounded into a backyard boat. And for what? For a "rain" that had never been? For "drops from above" that were mere fiction? Noah had ringing in his ears night and day due to the clamor of neighbors' pans clanging ridicule till dawn. Evidently God had forgotten to punch in.

Go figure with Paul, stoned and left for dead. For doing what? For preaching love, joy and peace. For showing a village how to find their ways to heaven. For befriending Jews and Gentiles alike for Jesus' sake. The end of it all was a ministry of stones pounded into his flesh. God--why don't you remember to show up for work when Paul needs you?

Go figure with you--vacuum, nobody loves you, nothing is going right, friends have betrayed you, enemies are screwing up their ammunition fire for another round, skies are loaded with rain clouds, and a dentist appointment stares you in the face for l o'clock this afternoon!

Do you not believe that when nothing works, God is? Have you not committed yourself to blind faith in His doings, whether you can understand them or not, whether you feel anything religious or not, whether anyone else cares about your mission or not?

Do you not reckon that the journey can be a lonely one? The way of the cross? The pilgrimage of an alien here below?

Then look back particularly on one who--go figure--had all the reasons to conclude that Father had forgotten to clock in on that particular Thursday night, moving into Friday's bloodletting as well.

There He hung--messed up, unsightly, belly bellowing to the Calvary winds, flies buzzing about his crusted brow, arms sagging beneath nails punched into his skin, an army of cowardly disciples hiding out in nighttime's shelters. Nothing was going on. Nothing.

Go figure.

[knighthawk]

BUMP!

[tomkow6]

Resume for GOD


---
God, creator and sustainer of all life, has an eternity of
experience in every aspect of everything, including systems
design and integration and local area networking.


Specific Experience and Accomplishments

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God was solely responsible for the development of every standard,
protocol, method, language and type of microprocessor in
existence. God has absolute and complete knowledge of every
detail of anything even remotely connected to computers and data
processing, as well as everything else. God practices structured
programming, and uses "go tos" only in reference to Hell.

God has extensive supervisory and leadership experience, and has
led teams of over one billion persons in such major projects as
the establishment of civilization and the development of
organized religion.


Other Experience

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God's experience extends from beyond the beginning of time.
During this period God separated the light from the darkness,
created the earth, planets and stars, established the firmament
and the waters of the oceans, and created all the green plants
and living things. Later, God created human life, which many
consider to be one of God's most significant accomplishments.


Technical Background

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God is thoroughly familiar with every type of computer, every
operating system, every programming language, every
communications system, and every application that has been or
will be developed, including Microsoft Windows.


Education

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God holds an honary Doctorate in Comparative Religions from Oral
Roberts University, as well as current teaching certificates for
IBM's Programmer Productivity seminars.


Salary Requirements

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Seeking 10 - 15% increase.

[SAMWolf]

That's a heck of a resume, isn't it?

[tomkow6]

Hard to top, isn't it?

[tomkow6]

The following statements about the Bible were written by children and have not been retouched or corrected (ie. bad spelling has been left in):

'In the first book of the Bible, Guinessis, God got tired of creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off.'

'Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree.'

'Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark.'

'Noah built an ark, which the animals come on to in pears.'

'Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night.'

'The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with the unsympathetic Genitals.'

'Samson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like Delilah.'

'Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the Apostles.'

'Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread which is bread without any ingredients.'

'The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the 10 amendments.'

'The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.'

'The seventh commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.'

'Moses died before he ever reached Canada.'

'Then Joshua led the Hebrews in the battle of Geritol.'

'The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.'

'David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. He fought with the Finklesteins, a race of people who lived in Biblical times.'

'Solomon, one of David's sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.'

'When Mary heard that she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta.'

'When the three wise guys from the east side arrived, they found Jesus in the manager.'

‘Jesus was born because Man had an immaculate contraption.'

'St John, the blacksmith, dumped water on his head.'

‘Jesus said the Golden Rule, which says to do one to others before they do one to you.'

'He also explained, "A man doth not live by sweat alone."'

'It was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance.'

'The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 decibels.'

'The epistles were the wives of the apostles.'

'One of the opossums was St Matthew who was also a taximan.'

'St Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marriage.'

'A Christian should have only one spouse. This is called monotony.'

Bless their little hearts!

[Mr_Magoo]

Louisiana Hurricane Season Notes

We're about to enter the peak of the hurricane season. Any day
now, you're going to turn on the TV and see a weather person
pointing to some radar blob out in the Gulf of Mexico and making
two basic meteorological points:

(1) There is no need to panic.
(2) We could all be killed.

Yes, hurricane season is an exciting time to be in Louisiana.
If you're new to the area, you're probably wondering what you need
to do to prepare for the possibility that we'll get hit by "THE BIG
ONE.''
Based on our experiences, we recommend that you follow this simple
three-step hurricane preparedness plan:

STEP 1.
Buy enough food and bottled water to last your family for at least
three days..

STEP 2.
Put these supplies into your car.

STEP 3.
Drive to Nebraska and remain there until Halloween.

Unfortunately, statistics show that most people will not follow
this sensible plan. Most people will foolishly stay here in
Louisiana. We'll start with one of the most important hurricane
preparedness items:

HOMEOWNERS' INSURANCE:
If you own a home, you must have hurricane insurance. Fortunately,
this insurance is cheap and easy to get, as long as your home meets
two basic requirements:
(1) It is reasonably well-built, and
(2) It is located in Nebraska.

Unfortunately, if your home is located in South Louisiana, or any
other area that might actually be hit by a hurricane, most
insurance companies would prefer not to sell you hurricane
insurance, because then they might be required to pay YOU money,
and that is certainly not why they got into the insurance business
in the first place. So you'll have to scrounge around for an
insurance company, which will charge you an annual premium roughly
equal to the replacement value of your house. At any moment, this
company can drop you like used dental floss. Since Hurricane
Georges, I have had an estimated 27 different home-insurance
companies. This week, I'm covered by the Bob and Big Stan
Insurance Company, under a policy which states that, in addition to
my premium, Bob and Big Stan are entitled, on demand, to my kidneys.

SHUTTERS:
Your house should have hurricane shutters on all the windows, all
the doors, and -- if it's a major hurricane -- all the toilets.
There are several types of shutters, with advantages and
disadvantages:

Plywood shutters:
The advantage is that, because you make them yourself, they're
cheap. The disadvantage is that, because you make them yourself,
they will fall off.

Sheet-metal shutters:
The advantage is that these work well, once you get them all up.
The disadvantage is that once you get them all up, your hands will
be useless bleeding stumps, and it will be December before they
heal.

Roll-down shutters:
The advantages are that they're very easy to use, and will
definitely protect your house. The disadvantage is that you will
have to sell your house to pay for them.

"Hurricane-proof'' windows:
These are the newest wrinkle in hurricane protection: They look
like ordinary windows, but they can withstand hurricane winds! You
can be sure of this, because the salesman says so. He lives in
Nebraska.

"Hurricane Proofing Your Property:
As the hurricane approaches, check your yard for movable objects
like barbecue grills, planters, patio furniture, visiting
relatives, etc. You should, as a precaution, throw these items
into your swimming pool (if you don't have a swimming pool, you
should have one built immediately). Otherwise, the hurricane winds
will turn these objects into deadly missiles.

EVACUATION ROUTE:
If you live in a low-lying area, you should have an evacuation
route planned out. (To determine whether you live in a low-lying
area, look at your driver's license; if it says "Louisiana," you
live in a low-lying area.)

The purpose of having an evacuation route is to avoid being trapped
in your home when a major storm hits. Instead, you will be trapped
in a gigantic traffic jam several miles from your home, along with
two hundred thousand other evacuees. So, as a bonus, you will not
be lonely.

HURRICANE SUPPLIES:
If you don't evacuate, you will need a mess of supplies. Do not
buy them now! Louisiana tradition requires that you wait until the
last possible minute, then go to the supermarket and get into
vicious fights with strangers over who gets the last can of SPAM.

In addition to food and water, you will need the following supplies:
23 flashlights
At least $167 worth of batteries that turn out, when the power goes
off, to be the wrong size for the flashlights.
Bleach. (No, I don't know what the bleach is for. NOBODY knows
what the bleach is for, but it's traditional, so GET some!)
A 55-gallon drum of underarm deodorant.
A big knife that you can strap to your leg. (This will be useless
in a hurricane, but it looks cool.)
A large quantity of raw chicken, to placate the alligators. (Ask
anybody who went through Camille; after the hurricane, there WILL
be irate alligators.)
$35,000 in cash or diamonds so that, after the hurricane passes,
you can buy a generator from a man with no discernible teeth.

Of course these are just basic precautions.

As the hurricane draws near, it is vitally important that you keep
abreast of the situation by turning on your television and watching
TV reporters in rain slickers stand right next to the ocean and
tell you over and over how vitally important it is for everybody to
stay away from the ocean.

Good luck.

[Kathy in Alaska]

Thank you for joining the USO Canteen this fine Sunday of Prayer for our troops and our President. The Canteen Chapel is sure a special place, and with the Chaplain and the hymns, a most calming and soothing place to start this day.

[SAMWolf]

ROTFLOL

[Kathy in Alaska]

Oh Tom, these statements from kids are so precious. You are so BAD for posting them. Thanks.

[My back yard]

What a wonderful addition you are to the Canteen. It is one of those things, like-- as soon as it is done, it seems like it should have always been so. I really enjoyed the sermon.

[grantswank]

greetings. . .

thanks much for your laugh-note.

yes, sometimes i look like that, too!!

take care of yourself. . .

blessings,

chaplain grant

psalm 100

[grantswank]

it is always most encouraging to a preacher when someone actually says "i enjoyed the sermon."

so you have made my day.

blessings to you and yours. . .

chaplain grant

psalm 1

[My back yard]

This is just the best idea I have seen in a long time. Great of you two to come up with it. Have you read George Bush's 'A Charge to Keep'? I enjoyed it very much. It gave me heart flutterings -- not the kind you get when you are a teenager and a new boy walks you home, the kind you get when one of your children does the right thing, without your provocation. I'll bet Barbara Bush knows exactly what I'm talking about. 8^)

[SAMWolf]

CHILDREN AND CHURCH

For those of us who love children, and the very funny things they come out with, these will bless your heart. These are new ones we have never heard before. Take the time when you have a minute and read these. They will give you your chuckle for the day. You have to really smile when you read these:



A little child in church for the first time watched as the ushers passed the offering plates. When they neared the pew where he sat, the youngster piped up so that everyone could hear: "Don't pay for me Daddy, I'm under five."

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A little boy was attending his first wedding. After the service, his cousin asked him, "How many women can a man marry?" "Sixteen", the boy responded. His cousin was amazed that he had an answer so quickly. "How do you know that?" "Easy," the little boy said. "All you have to do is add it up, like the Bishop said: 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer."

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After a church service on Sunday morning, a young boy suddenly announced to his mother, "Mom, I've decided to become a minister when I grow up." "That's okay with us, but what made you decide that?" "Well," said the little boy, "I have to go to church on Sunday anyway, and I figure it will be more fun to stand up and yell, than to sit and listen."

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A 6-year-old was overheard reciting the Lord's Prayer at a church service: "And forgive us our trash passes, as we forgive those who passed trash against us."

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A boy was watching his father, a pastor, write a sermon." How do you know what to say?" he asked. "Why, God tells me." "Oh, then why do you keep crossing things out?"

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A little girl became restless as the preacher's sermon dragged on and on. Finally, she leaned over to her mother and whispered, "Mommy, if we give him the money now, will he let us go?"

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After the christening of his baby brother in church, little Johnny sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car. His father asked him three times what was wrong. Finally, the boy replied, "That priest said he wanted us brought up in a Christian home, and I want to stay with you guys!"

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Terri asked her Sunday School class to draw pictures of their favorite Bible stories. She was puzzled by Kyle's picture, which showed four people on an airplane, so she asked him which story it was meant to represent. "The flight to Egypt," said Kyle. "I see ... And that must be Mary, Joseph, and Baby Jesus," Ms. Terri said. "But who's the fourth person?" "Oh, that's Pontius - the Pilot.

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The Sunday School Teacher asks, "Now, Johnny, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?" "No sir," little Johnny replies, "I don't have to. My Mom is a good cook."

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Pastor Dave Charlton tells us, "After a worship service at First Baptist Church in Newcastle, Kentucky, a mother with a fidgety seven-year old boy told me how she finally got her son to sit still and be quiet. About halfway through the sermon, she leaned over and whispered, 'If you don't be quiet, Pastor Charlton is going to lose his place and will have to start his sermon all over again!' It worked."

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A little girl was sitting on her grandfather's lap as he read her a bedtime story. From time to time, she would take her eyes off the book and reach up to touch his wrinkled cheek. She was alternately stroking her own cheek, then his again. Finally she spoke up, "Grandpa, did God make you?" "Yes, sweetheart," he answered, "God made me a long time ago." "Oh," she paused, "Grandpa, did God make me too?" "Yes, indeed, honey," he said, "God made you just a little while ago." Feeling their respective faces again, she observed, "God's getting better at it, isn't he?"

[Long Cut]

Guess what's parked in MY driveway right now this second....

VVVVVAAAAARRRRROOOOOOOOOOOMMMMM!!!!!

[Kathy in Alaska]

Wow, Girlz. Now this is some cool transportation for a leisurely Sunday afternoon. I get dibs on riding up top. Radu, any experience with one of these? Duchess, can you do slow?

[DaughterOfAnIwoJimaVet]

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!! I'm so happy for you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Soaring Feather]

Linda, This prayer is beautiful, thank you for including me.
God doesn't mind that we laugh!

PS I'll be around for fun and games!

[DaughterOfAnIwoJimaVet]

Duchess, can you do slow?

I don't know. I'll answer as soon as my breathing returns to normal after seeing Long Cut's news. : )

[Kathy in Alaska]

Congratulations to you and Mrs. Cut. We do expect a travelogue to follow. Has she been named yet?