Miracle Shirt Turns Losers Into Babe Magnets!

Weekly World News ^ | today | Kay Callahan

[Rodney King]

By KAY CALLAHAN

LOS ANGELES — Geeks are becoming popular party animals, thanks to an incredible new shirt that makes them seem as sexy as Hollywood movie stars!

It’s called the Party Shirt, and it turns social misfits into irresistible hunks. Early tests show the chemically treated shirt drives women wild whenever they come near any man who’s wearing it.

“I used to get tossed out of line any time I tried to get into a hot nightclub,” says Ralph Jarmel, a 22-year-old convenience-store clerk from L.A. “Girls would laugh at my skinny body and my eyeglasses.

“Then I found this incredible shirt, and it’s like Saturday Night Fever every night.”

The Party Shirt is the creation of designer Amanda Lowson, who’s been testing it in fun-loving towns like Los Angeles, New York and Miami. Lowson combined her fashion sense with a degree in chemistry to produce a social lifesaver.

Lowson says the silk-rayon fabric is treated with male sex pheromones, which are chemicals naturally produced by the human body. Pheromones have been scientifically proven to reel in the opposite sex by causing an almost magnetic attraction through the sense of smell.

“We tested the fabric with a group of homely men and a group of attractive women,” Lowson says. “The women barely glanced at the men when the test subjects were wearing ordinary clothing. But when we had them put on the Party Shirt — well, the women latched on to them so fast you’d think the guys had just won the lottery.”

Lowson, who’s still working on a women’s version of the shirt, says she also used color-theory research. “Many studies have shown that people respond positively to vibrant colors and patterns,” she explains. “Our focus groups had extremely positive reactions to the classic Hawaiian shirt, which caused them to view the wearer as fun and hip.”

“No one ever saw me that way before,” says a soft-spoken 27-year-old accountant from Miami. “Then I wore the Party Shirt to a cocktail party, and the next thing I knew I was dancing with two really hot women.”

Scientists are skeptical about the Party Shirt.

“Pheromones are not some kind of magic potion that wipes out all reason in a woman,” says a spokesman for the Human Pheromone Project in Denver. “Once she sniffs you, you’d better be able to keep her interest.”

Lowson agrees completely.

“The pheromones may just be a confidence booster that helps shy men get over their self-consciousness,” she says.

“Perhaps this shirt just gives them the courage to show the truly magnetic personality they had inside them all the time.”

[llabhgiH]

I wonder, exactly how does one make a hormone?

You don't pay her?

[Nam Vet]

"I wonder, exactly how does one make a hormone?"

Refuse to pay her.

Nam Vet

[Nam Vet]

Great minds think alike.

Nam Vet

[llabhgiH]

You got that right Nam Vet, we must have graduated in the same class.

[humblegunner]

just put on your miracle shirt and my inhibitions will melt away.....

Well, when it arrived in the mail it smelled kinda musty so I washed
it.. now the dang thing is worthless! I'm boycotting Tide.

[Tony in Hawaii]

That's cool. I want one that only attracts conservative babes anyway.

[metesky]

I'm Too Sexy
Right Said Fred
from the album Up

I'm too sexy for my love, too sexy for my love
Love's going to leave me

I'm too sexy for my shirt, too sexy for my shirt
So sexy it hurts
And I'm too sexy for Milan, too sexy for Milan
New York and Japan
And I'm too sexy for your party, too sexy for your party
No way I'm disco dancing

I'm a model, you know what I mean
And I do my little turn on the catwalk
Yeah, on the catwalk, on the catwalk, yeah
I do my little turn on the catwalk

I'm too sexy for my car, too sexy for my car
Too sexy by far
And I'm too sexy for my hat
Too sexy for my hat, what d'you think about that

I'm a model, you know what I mean
And I do my little turn on the catwalk
Yeah, on the catwalk, on the catwalk, yeah
I shake my little touche on the catwalk

I'm too sexy for my, too sexy for my, too sexy for my

'Cause I'm a model, you know what I mean
And I do my little turn on the catwalk
Yeah, on the catwalk, yeah, on the catwalk, yeah
I shake my little touche on the catwalk

I'm too sexy for my cat, too sexy for my cat
Poor pussy, poor pussy cat
I'm too sexy for my love, too sexy for my love
Love's going to leave me

And I'm too sexy for this song

[Pahuanui]

Look what it did for Dick, Chuck and Geener!

[SarahW]

Nope. Pheremones have no "odor" - no detectable "scent" - however the nose detects the presence of the chemicals, all the same. The vomeronasal pits in the nose are a sensing organ that picks up specific kinds of chemical trails...

[E. Pluribus Unum]

I was joking. :^)

[fnord]

Does this fabric come in sheets ?

despite the misspelling, I ain't gonna touch this line ...

[VadeRetro]

That's right - just look at all this value! You can't get these products in any store - and within minutes of receiving them in the mail, you'll understand why!

Can I save COD charges if I use my Visa or Mastercard?

[Senator Pardek]

As well as Spongebob dolls!

[Focault's Pendulum]

48 replies and not a word about the French.

And I'm grateful.

[LurkerNoMore!]

Oh, yes. That character is quite a pheromonon.

[ATOMIC_PUNK]

I can hear it now
Gee Officer i couldnt help myself he smells so good i just had to rape him

I dont know Officer all i did was walk into the room and these womangang raped me for no reason

[LurkerNoMore!]

Maybe your Institute should take a look at this.

[altair]

You must have missed this story. Not paying can be fatal.

[Nam Vet]

I recall the girls in Nam saying "No fay, No fay". ('No pay, no play'. For the uninitiated.)

Nam Vet

[Syncro]

Ahh, after all the years we traveled the world developing the formulae when we worked together at The Institute.

And the research we did on the *drop* (pretty powerful stuff huh?)

… and all they come up with is a lousy t shirt?

*LOL*

If they only knew the formulae, but it's pretty much a well guarded secret...

While we are on the subject, interesting tag line:

38 posted on 06/05/2003 8:59 PM PDT by LurkerNoMore! (still love my Muse named Bird)

Do you remember exactly where you were when I handed it to you?

I'm sure you do...