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President Bush Takes TIPS From Bob Jones University
Toogood Reports ^ | July 23, 2002 | M. Scott McAllister

Posted on 07/23/2002 7:20:51 PM PDT by Weirdad


Toogood Reports News & Politics


President Bush Takes TIPS
From Bob Jones University

By
M. Scott McAllister

Toogood Reports [Tuesday, July 23, 2002; 12:01 a.m. EST]
URL: http://ToogoodReports.com/

Perhaps President Bush´s 2000 campaign visit to fundamentalist "Mecca" Bob Jones University rubbed off on him more than anyone could have guessed.

Don´t worry. George W. did not declared the Pope an "antichrist" or forbid his daughters to date African-Americans. He hasn´t recanted his misguided characterization of Islam as a "peaceful religion." He hasn´t yet labeled ex-fundamentalist presidential advisor Billy Graham a heretic. Somehow during his short visit to the Greenville, South Carolina campus, George Bush managed to avoid indoctrination in the finer points of BJU-style fundamentalism.

Yet one of the more alarming BJU policies seems to have taken root at the heart of President Bush´s domestic security policy.

Before I continue, let me clarify one point. I am a Bob Jones University alumnus. As such, I consider myself neither a mindless mouthpiece of the school´s ideology nor a knee-jerk critic. Having lived at BJU for four years, I have a unique perspective and have been witness to the good, the bad, and the sometimes ugly manifestations of the university´s influence in its students´ lives. Having said this, I am alarmed to see one of BJU´s more oppressive practices manifested at the national level.

The rules governing student activity at Bob Jones University are almost legendary. There are rules for everything. From 6:55 am, when students are required to be out of bed, until "lights out" at 11:00 pm, dormitory students are subjected to a myriad of written and unwritten restrictions dictating everything from when to take out the trash to how short a man must trim his sideburns.

The rules are enforced primarily by an agency of peers employed to rat on their fellow students in the name of "spiritual discipline." An assistant prayer captain (APC) has the responsibility of enforcing the rules in his own room of three to four students. The APC reports to a prayer captain (PC) who is responsible for a group of three to four rooms. The PC in turn reports to a hall leader who supervises 20-30 rooms, and the hall leader reports directly to a dormitory supervisor.

Discipline at BJU is a well-oiled machine. "Demerits" are issued in various quantities for anything from minor infractions, such as being late to class (up to 15 demerits), to kissing a member of the opposite sex (a violation warranting punishment up to and including expulsion). When a student acquires 150 demerits, he is expelled.

On the surface, the rules seem strict but survivable. After all, any student stupid or brave enough to find himself enrolled at BJU knows what to expect. One might even make a case that the rules are helpful in building an academic and spiritual haven from the destructive influences that pervade most secular universities. And as BJU´s president Dr. Bob Jones III always says, "If you don´t like the rules here, there´s a four-lane highway right outside the gate."

Yet it is not the strict rules but rather the enforcement of those rules that makes Bob Jones´ so-called "Christian Boot Camp" a breeding ground for agnostics and embittered Christians. Vindictiveness, discrimination, "black-listing" and a general presumption of guilt characterize most of those student enforcers who wield the "power of the demerit." And at the same time, otherwise honest and spiritually-minded students are forced to make a difficult choice between living a life of constant fear of breaking some obscure rule, or else sinning against their own consciences by knowingly breaking rules they have promised to obey.

The polarizing force of this disciplinary system destroys much of the good that might otherwise come from BJU´s excellent academic and spiritual resources. Good kids are forced to suffer the guilt of almost unavoidable sins committed against a rule of law that is neither biblically sound nor consistently enforced. Beneath the well-polished surface is a student body plagued by paranoia, anger and guilt.

Perhaps most ironic is the fact that concerned parents eagerly swallow the BJU propaganda that the discipline "is for the students´ own good." Those who speak out against the shortcomings of the system are labeled "rebellious" and treated with contempt for their alleged "spiritual problem."

It is this type of system that seemingly has found its way into our national arena. And although there is a four-lane highway that allows BJU students to flee their oppression, no such escape route exists for America.

On July 16, President Bush introduced a detailed domestic security plan which includes, among other measures, a citizen-based task force called the Terrorism Information and Prevention System (TIPS).

The volunteer corps of informants will consist of truck drivers, cable installers, plumbers, electricians, mail carriers and other service providers whose jobs give them unique opportunity to observe and report "suspect activities." Informants will be given access to Justice Department hotlines to report the so-called "suspect" activities, and the reports will subsequently be entered into a national database accessible by federal, state and local law enforcement agencies. All this in the name of homeland security.

This system of civil "snooping" is simply the latest development in a recent trend of government intrusion on our Constitutional rights. The fourth amendment to the United States Constitution states:

"The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and no Warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by Oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized."

Despite this very clear declaration of our civil rights Bush and his new baby, the Department of Homeland Security, are seeking an "end-around" approach at obtaining private information about U.S. citizens without the pesky stipulation of probable cause or the red-tape of securing a warrant.

Let me give you a scenario. Let´s say you hire a plumber to come and fix a clogged drain. During the course of his work, the plumber notices you have a rather large gun collection in your den. He asks you about it, and you tell him you are an avid sportsman and enjoy collecting firearms. Later during your conversation you mention you are a fundamentalist Christian, and you attempt to tell the plumber about your faith. According to your belief system, this conversation is one of the prime reasons you exist on this planet – to spread the message of Christ´s salvation. So you think nothing of discussing spiritual matters in the course of a conversation that began about guns and second amendment rights.

The plumber leaves your home with a funny feeling about you. He has just met an unusual individual who talks incessantly about his faith, attempts to convert people to his religion and owns a small arsenal of firearms. The plumber decides to call the TIPS hotline and report his experience. Consequently, the information is entered in the national database, and suddenly you, a law-abiding second-amendment exercising Christian, are labeled as a possible threat.

A search of your home has taken place. Information has been gathered about your personal possessions. It has been reported to the Justice Department, and you have been red-flagged as a religious zealot who owns a "suspect" number of firearms. But what about a search warrant? What about probable cause? None of this applies, of course, because you invited the plumber into your house, allowed him to view your gun collection and spoke openly about your beliefs. And on top of that, he is not a government employee – just a concerned citizen trying to do his part to keep America safe. Remember…it´s for your own good.

Am I simply being paranoid? Maybe. Yet history itself bears out my concerns. The Soviet Union, fascist Italy, Nazi Germany – each of these regimes relied on masters of propaganda to convince the citizenry that each intrusion on their human rights was for the ultimate good of the nation. Playing on fears of enemy invasion and poverty, despots and dictators throughout history have pushed their oppressive agendas, all with the blessing and praise of the oppressed.

I do not think that George Bush is on a power trip. I don´t believe he is attempting to build an empire on the downtrodden shoulders of the American people. Just as Dr. Bob Jones III and his fellow BJU administrators no doubt have all the best intentions, likewise George Bush is probably just trying to do the right thing for America. But this does not change the fact that our president is allowing a very high-pressure, difficult situation to taint his thinking. He is allowing himself to be sucked into the liberal mindset that government´s main responsibility is to protect its citizens from themselves.

Do we need a vigilant task force of citizens prepared to defend our nation? Absolutely. It´s what the Bill of Rights calls a "well regulated militia." And its purpose is not only to protect America from crime and terrorism, but also to protect the rights and freedoms of Americans from the tyranny of oppressive government.

But a Justice Department sponsored citizen task force is no more than a collection of pawns enlisted to do the bidding of the government. They are the means to an end – namely to allow legal government intrusion into the private homes of American citizens. These pawns will no doubt consider themselves true patriots, defenders of freedom and "The American Way." The rest of us will see them for what they are – rats, snitches, snoops and spies.

I´ve seen the effects of this type of system. I lived under its oppression for four years. And despite all the best intentions and all the right rhetoric, TIPS will ultimately cause more harm than good. There are certainly those who survived their experience at BJU. I consider myself to be one of the "survivors." I emerged from my schooling as an informed fundamentalist Christian resolved to avoid becoming like those who had oppressed me "in Jesus´ name." But others were not so lucky.

Just as BJU has crushed the spirits of many of its students through inconsistent and oppressive discipline, TIPS will crush the patriotic spirit of Americans and permanently scar the face of our civil liberties. If the goal of this administration is to create a paranoid, disgruntled and divided society, TIPS is a very good step toward achieving that goal.

I just wonder if the disciplinarians at BJU said a hearty "amen" when they heard Bush´s plan. They should feel right at home in an America besieged by blue-collar spies.

To comment on this article or express your opinion directly to the author, you are invited to e-mail Scott at msmcall@aol.com .

July 23, 2002

RECENT COLUMNS:

06/30/02: Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals Upholds Third Commandment
06/23/02: Colonel Sanders: Uncle Sam Needs You!
06/16/02: Thinking Outside The Box Of The Geneva Convention
06/09/02: Ousting Arafat: Justice Or Pragmatism?
06/02/02: Coming Soon: Justice Department Defines "Reasonable Religious Rights"
05/26/02: Should President Bush Have Cried "Wolf?"
05/19/02: Big Lies From Big Pharmaceuticals: Americans Can't Handle The Truth
05/08/02: The Test Of True Faith
05/05/02: From Terrorism To Pedophilia, Religion Is To Blame
04/28/02: Export The Caribou — But Keep The Oil
04/22/02: Don't Let Lying Dogs Lie
04/21/02: Evidence Of A Nation's Wrath

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
Toogood Reports contributor and "Best of the Web" award-winning writer M. Scott McAllister is a Fundamentalist Christian and political conservative concerned with secularization and liberal trends in contemporary American society and politics. A graduate of Bob Jones University, a Christian liberal arts university in South Carolina, He holds a degree in journalism and works as a freelance graphic designer and writer. E-Mail Scott at msmcall@aol.com

Copyright 1999, 2000 by Toogood Reports. All rights reserved.


TOPICS: Constitution/Conservatism; Culture/Society; Editorial; Government; News/Current Events
KEYWORDS: 1984; fascism; fourthamendment; privacy; tips
...yeah, it's real conservative to set up a system designed to let the Teamsters contract to provide manpower to the department of fascism.

WHERE the HECK is this stuff coming from?!

Pray for President Bush. Seriously.

1 posted on 07/23/2002 7:20:51 PM PDT by Weirdad
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To: Weirdad
Well why not drag out Bob Jones University......nothing else has worked so far.
2 posted on 07/23/2002 7:35:04 PM PDT by JessicaDragonet
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To: Weirdad
Sounds like M. Scott Mcallister was held prisoner against his will at Bob Jones University, for four years-then graduated as a bitter old man of perhaps 22 years of age.

Sad case, very sad case......tsk.
3 posted on 07/23/2002 7:58:25 PM PDT by F.J. Mitchell
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To: F.J. Mitchell
Granted, he does not sound thrilled with his college years. However, I am much more concerned about the creeping fascism he denounces than I am with his relish in using his college as a very clear analogy.

He learned a lesson well from those college years anyway, and has made a number of solid points about the fascism that the Bush administration is launching permanently into our land:

Eg: "The volunteer corps of informants will consist of truck drivers, cable installers, plumbers, electricians, mail carriers and other service providers whose jobs give them unique opportunity to observe and report "suspect activities." Informants will be given access to Justice Department hotlines to report the so-called "suspect" activities, and the reports will subsequently be entered into a national database accessible by federal, state and local law enforcement agencies. All this in the name of homeland security. This system of civil "snooping" is simply the latest development in a recent trend of government intrusion on our Constitutional rights. The fourth amendment to the United States Constitution states: "The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and no Warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by Oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized." Despite this very clear declaration of our civil rights Bush and his new baby, the Department of Homeland Security, are seeking an "end-around" approach at obtaining private information about U.S. citizens without the pesky stipulation of probable cause or the red-tape of securing a warrant."

4 posted on 07/23/2002 8:15:12 PM PDT by Weirdad
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To: Weirdad
Perhaps most ironic is the fact that concerned parents eagerly swallow the BJU propaganda that the discipline "is for the students´ own good."

If we lived anywhere near there, My kids would certainly attend Bob Jones U. It's better than anything the public sector has to offer.
The left is Satanic, so it really doesn't matter what they think.
Actually, with the new spiritual revival starting up in America, this may make Bush look even better. This attack could back fire "big time."

5 posted on 07/23/2002 8:24:17 PM PDT by concerned about politics
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To: JessicaDragonet
Well why not drag out Bob Jones University......nothing else has worked so far.

After Clinton and 9/11, this could be a good thing. I like it. The "Bob Jones is bad" propaganda was only believed by the left who hates God anyway. Who cares about them? They'd vote for Stalin or Marx if they had the chance!

6 posted on 07/23/2002 8:30:36 PM PDT by concerned about politics
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To: concerned about politics
I don't think you guys are reading this article the way I read it. This article is not a LEFT WING attack. It is a right wing article hoping to prick the sensibilities on an administration that should know better, one that is stepping on the toes of many of us who are concerned with preserving freedom.

The author is a Christian Conservative, and he is publishing on a conservative web site. He is acting as an GOOD AMERICAN by trying to influence the governement to NOT TRAMPLE appropriate unalienable rights and to STRICTLY OBSERVE the special protections (like the 4th amendment) against government violations that that the constitution especially protects against.

His point, I think, is that he understands what it is like to live in a "SNITCH ENVIRONMENT" even when it is operated with the best of intentions by the best of people. It does not work. It is fascism. George Bush is supporting a fascist policy and he does not even appear to recognize it! And yet he is the best hope we have right now to stop the leftward slide, if he will wake up.

I would like someone to point out EVIDENCE that Presient Bush is aware of and is responding favorably to the many concerns of conservative Americans that his adminstration is going way too far toward inappropriate government invasiveness. If there is not evidence that he is listening, then what alternative is there but to write articles like this one trying to raise sensibilities regarding the creeping fascism that we all see?
7 posted on 07/23/2002 8:54:42 PM PDT by Weirdad
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To: concerned about politics
When I was in high school, back in the paleozoic period, my sociology teacher used to rant about BJU. I never understood then, nor do I now, what upsets people so about this university. They teach old fashioned values...so what? At least they don't make women wear blankets.
8 posted on 07/23/2002 9:09:54 PM PDT by JessicaDragonet
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To: Weirdad
If there's some ME guy taking pictures of food at the supermarket, I sure hope someone takes the time to mention it to the authorities myself. I'd thank them rather than call Bush a facist for it.
If someone is snooping around a power plant at night with a video camera, I'd sure like to know someone mentioned it to athorities!
If Bush were to have army personal patrolling the streets to get the job done, then I'd worry.
Until then, I'm not doing anything wrong. I'm safe. The bad guys may not be, though.
I'm not at all worried about it . At first I was , yes, until I understood it. It's a neighborhood watch. It's better than being dead from an attack.
9 posted on 07/23/2002 9:15:50 PM PDT by concerned about politics
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To: concerned about politics
The author hated BJU so much he stayed there 4yrs. He probably "loathes the military" also.
10 posted on 07/23/2002 9:24:17 PM PDT by Ron in Acreage
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To: Weirdad
So do you oppose rewards being offered for someone to "snitch" out a criminal? Snitching goes on every day right now. If you see suspicious activity in your neighborhood you would probably call the police.
11 posted on 07/23/2002 9:31:48 PM PDT by Ron in Acreage
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To: Weirdad
I don't think Jr. was indoctrinated by BJU. I'd guess, judging from his backpeddling after his visit, that BJU was simply a political stop to shore up the R. Right.

The grotesque "TIPS" can hardly be laid at the feet of BJU. Crimeny, BJU would be a prime target for snitches.

Jr. and/or his advisors thunk this one up, and though politically appealing to simpletons, TIPS is very bad business. It is a stupid appeal to recruit folks who have some axe to grind against their neighbor. At the same time it is an unwitting acknowledgement that the goob can't perform it's primary function of of protecting citizens from force.

12 posted on 07/23/2002 10:15:34 PM PDT by Old Fud
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To: Weirdad
"stepping on the toes of many of us who are concerned with preserving freedom"

Name one speck of freedom you have lost since 9/11?

13 posted on 07/23/2002 10:18:32 PM PDT by Crossbow Eel
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To: Crossbow Eel; Old Fud; Ron in Acreage; Weirdad; concerned about politics; JessicaDragonet; ...
The following is a post that i had placed on a different thread a few days ago that i feel is pertinent to this discussion. I have repeated it again on another thread ...but it is my feeling it still pertains to this thread (especially due to the reference on TIPS). And let me explain: it is not an attack on GW (the reason i am saying this is that on the other thread there was this one Freeper who thought i was acting as some sort of 'Liberal conduit.' Luckily that was the only Freeper who saw it with myopic vision). It is just a personal opinion of what might happen based on what is happening (eg yesterdays Fox report that although Bush's approval ratings are still in the high 60% his percentage points for 'those who would like to see him re-elected' is in the mid-40%). Anyways here is the post:

To be totally honest with you (and i know i may be setting myself up for quite some flak here) if things continue going the way they are ('protection' prgrams from the government that are inherently anti-American, economic and fiscal snafus, etc) the chances of President Bush being re-elected become slim.

And even though right now his ratings are still very favorable one should also remember that in the heat of the Gulf War prez. George Bush the senior also had enviable ratings, but still lost to Clinton!

Although this may seem anathema to many, there is a chance history may be repeated (i.e another bush losing to another clinton).

And if you notice the Liberals and the Media have already started attacking, and to be perfectly honest with you it seems (to me) that the White House is giving them all the ammunition they need. Whatever you may think of the liberals one thing is for certain .....they are very well versed in the fine art of spin and subtle insinuations. And when the White House starts pushing programs like TIPS, which seriously sounds to me like something Nazi Germany (or to a lesser extent the USSR during the 60s) would have advocated, questions start being asked .....even by conservatives.

A good example of this is yesterday i saw Pat Roberson criticize the Bush plan of TIPS. And this is a person who during the election had organized prayers for Bush to win!

And then there are the rampant corporate scandals ...some of which implicate Bush and Cheney! You and i both know that this is simply hyperbole angled against the conservatives, but to many of the populace they see the perpetual reports on and on and on, and soon they start to believe this. And when 'normal' people start losing money there is a greater likelihood that they will be sufficiently pissed off to allow their emotions to take over the logical mind, and thus they can more readily accept the ubiquitous broadcasts condemning the Republican party.

And such things are basically acting as attritive factors, and come election date the chickens may come home to roost for us Republicans.

Actually i was watching this other broadcast yesterday, and this person was basically criticizing the war against terrorism. Basically he was making light of the initiatives Bush has taken against terrorism, and that the terrorists have already done so much they do not need to do any other thing ever! For example UBL spent basically 20 grand (or more) in training his mules to attack us on 9-11. We have spent Billions (with a B), and furthermore it has cost the economy many Billions more. And the costs are rising. Moreover there have been fundamental changes in the American percepion of life, and maybe even in our way of life. People are seriously considering having what is tantamount to civilian spies policing their blocks.

The FBI is beginning to look like it as during Hoover's terms, and shades of the FBI's Counterintelligence Program (COINTELPRO) are starting to materialize. So is the spectre of the House of Un-American Activities Committee (HUAC)

And the New York Times reported that several FBI officials had tried to push for the scraping of the Fourth Amendment since it 'hampered' their efforts and encouraged lawsuits against them.

And then there are the reports of the actions of Adolf Hitler in 1933 when he was chancellor. He invoked article 48 of the Weimar Constitution to suspend certain civil rights in times of national emergency. He later created the SS agencies and the Storm Troopers.

Obviously we know Bush does not intend to follow the path of Hitler, but the media have come upon this and it is vital ammunition for them! And as the election day comes closer you can be assured that this (as well as other national and economical issues) will begin to gain prominence, and the interesting thing is that although the White House will be completely innocent they will have a hard time proving it (and remember the first maxim of public as well as legal opinion is this : it is not what you know but what you can prove).

And then there are the statements being used by Liberals to undermine Bush ....and the other funny thing is that they make sense if looked at froma shallow perspective. For example what Benjamin Franklin said: They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety.

Or what Justice Louis Brandeis said: The greatest danger to liberty lurk in insidious encroachment by men of zeal, well-meaning but without understanding.

Compare that statement with the following by AG John Ashcroft: To those that pit Americans against Immigrants, and citizens against non-citizens, my message to you is this: Your tactics only aid terrorists, for they erode our national unity and diminish our resolve. They give ammunition to america's enemies, and pause to America's friends. They encourage people of good will to remain silent int he face of evil.

Both the statements say the same basic thing ....but obviously the media will print the former (and ignore the one from Ashcroft) and use it against Ashcroft and co.!

And this is why i say again unless something is done to rectify this trend come 2004 the same thing that happend to George bush the senior will happen to George Bush the son ......he will lose to a Clinton (in this case Hillary) or a Clinton clone (maybe Al 'mr internet' Gore or more probably a uber-charismatic democRat candidate who is more like Bill Klington and less like Al Bore). And the ammunition for this is coming straight from the White House.

And the next step may be for the media and liberals to state that what Bush is doing is (borrowing a term from IBME) turning the U.S.A into the U.S.S.A.

14 posted on 07/23/2002 11:02:32 PM PDT by spetznaz
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To: Weirdad
We need to pray not only for President Bush, but for our entire country. These people who are out to destroy him are evil and vicious, and they have the power of the media behind them. I have never seen anything like this, and it is frightening.
15 posted on 07/23/2002 11:07:57 PM PDT by ladyinred
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To: Crossbow Eel
Crossbow Eel, you cited this from my post above: "stepping on the toes of many of us who are concerned with preserving freedom"

Then you asked this "straw man" question:  "Name one speck of freedom you have lost since 9/11?"

Your question clearly implies that you yourself think that not "one speck" of freedom has been lost since 9/11.

I cannot believe that someone on FreeRepublic would not be able to answer this question, so I've got to presume you are being rhetorical. And of course any answer would have nothing to do with whether it is proper for the President to institute an unconstitutional Federal program that is (a) most clearly not a power enumerated in the constitution, and (b) a violation of the unalienable rights possessed by we the people, and (c) specifically forbidden by the fourth amendment.

Just cause Teamsters and Democrats like the TIPS program does not mean that Freepers should not fight it.

9/11 may be a convenient excuse for politicians to promote unconstitutional government activities, but the slide away from the free republic intended by the founding fathers toward the unconstitutional MESS we are in now is the real issue, and that slide has been going on continually for YEARS, not just since 9/11. The slide was supposed to stop when we got a 'conservative' Republican president, but it has only slowed down a little bit, and that ought to make us all very worried.

The ENTIRE POINT of FreeRepublic itself is to preserve the American Freedom we have every right to possess. The distinctive feature of our Free Republic, these United States of America, is NOT voting--even communists do that--it is that we have FIRM LIMITATIONS ON THE POWER OF GOVERNMENT. The very people who are presently advocating that the federal government usurp powers to which it has no right are politicians who have sworn oaths of office to uphold the constitution. That's disgusting.

The quotations of Ben Franklin and Justice Louis Brandeis which appear in the excellent comments of spetznaz above, bear repeating:

"They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety." - Ben Franklin

"The greatest danger to liberty lurk in insidious encroachment by men of zeal, well-meaning but without understanding." - Justice Louis Brandeis

The federal TIPS program ON ITS FACE is an illegal and fascist program, and that fact should be OBVIOUS to all the branches of government. It is a GROSS INSULT to us all that the idea has seen the light of day promoted by the very administration we hoped would stop this kind of thing. I object to the fact that I even have to deal with it. There are other fights to be fought, and this administration is continuing to make many non-conservative moves that are taking away from the other battles we need to be fighting.

Those of you defending the TIPS program really should re-think your position.

President Bush needs our prayers and God's help to act wisely and to recognize that which we must preserve and to have the courage and resolve not to give up essential liberty.

 

16 posted on 07/24/2002 12:20:05 PM PDT by Weirdad
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To: spetznaz; Old Fud; Ron in Acreage; concerned about politics; JessicaDragonet
Forgot to include in above "To:"
17 posted on 07/24/2002 12:27:55 PM PDT by Weirdad
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To: spetznaz
Great comments.
18 posted on 07/24/2002 12:29:10 PM PDT by Weirdad
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To: Weirdad

True Tales Of The Citizen Corps: A 21st Century Breed Of Secret Agent

By
Lee R. Shelton IV
Toogood Reports [Wednesday, July 24, 2002; 12:01 a.m. EST]
URL:
http://www.toogoodreports.com/column/general/shelton/20020724.htm

If I told you my real name, I´d have to kill you. And believe me, as an elite member of Citizen Corps, I have the authority to do just that. Besides, you probably already know my code name: "Cable Guy." I may seem like an ordinary employee of your local cable company, but I´m really a secret agent.

[ snipped ]

To my astonishment, the old lady´s closet actually turned out to be a small arsenal. I counted three rifles, four shotguns, and no less than seven handguns. There were also several swords and knives tucked away in the corner, loosely covered with an old blanket. What was going on?! A tremendous fear swept over me. What kind of responsible grandmother keeps a cache of weapons in her hall closet?

Just then, I heard her voice behind me. "I see you found my late husband´s antique military collection. He was a big history buff, and has something from just about every major conflict, from the American Revolution to Vietnam. It took him decades to collect it all, and I just haven´t been able to part with it. You know, you look a little warm. Would you care for some fresh lemonade?"

[ snipped ]

Without hesitation, I whipped out my cell phone and put in a call to the local Citizen Corps Council, who then called the FBI field office for back-up. About 15 minutes later, I heard the wail of sirens, and three black vehicles screeched to a halt in front of the house.

I told the FBI agents everything that had transpired. They seemed especially interested in the weapons in the hall closet, and assured me that Mrs. Benson was exactly the kind of person they wanted under surveillance. Sure, people like her seem normal on the outside, but who knows what evil schemes they are hatching in secret?

As the agents prepared to leave with their terrorist suspect, one of them slapped me on the shoulder and handed me a small, gold star for me to put in my mission log book. "Good work, Cable Guy. If we had more vigilant citizens like you, it´s a cinch this war on terror will be over before you know it." He was right.

[ snipped ]


Lots of good guys are upset at those who are supposed to be the good guys.

 

 

19 posted on 07/24/2002 5:10:42 PM PDT by Weirdad
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