BILL ALLOWS PILOTS TO CARRY GUNS; NOW TWO THINGS IN COCKPIT WILL BE LOADED

SW ^

[Sir Gawain]

BILL ALLOWS PILOTS TO CARRY GUNS;
NOW TWO THINGS IN COCKPIT WILL BE LOADED

America West Crews Can Now Pop a Cap and Top on a Cold One

Washington, D.C. (SatireWire.com) — The U.S. House of Representatives this week overwhelmingly passed a bill allowing flight crews to carry guns aboard aircraft, a measure strongly supported by pilots, who boasted they could now be both armed and loaded.

"This legislation allows us to respond appropriately to any situation in the air, whether we're called upon to be a shooter, or just do a shooter," said America West Capt. James Greeveby.

While the flight attendant's union officially supported the bill, some members objected, arguing that guns in the cockpit would actually increase the risk of injury to the service crew.

"If we run out of vodka in first class, I have to find some more quickly or the passengers will revolt," said U.S. Air flight attendant Janet Paugh. "Normally, I just grab some from the co-pilot's stash while he's sleeping it off, but I'm not going to do it if he's packing. Unless Pete Buck is in first class. Then I'm better off facing the pilot."

The bill, now under consideration by the Senate, would allow commercial airline pilots to bring firearms on domestic and international flights. To carry weapons, however, pilots must be certified by the Transportation Security Administration, which already has begun filming a training video using real pilots to portray both hijackers and crews under attack. The filming, however, is reportedly not going well.

Take 1:
HIJACKER: "All right, this is a hijacking! Everybody out of the cockpit! Well... hold on, not everybody. Who's going to make the martinis?"
Cut

Take 23:
HIJACKER: "All right, this is a hijacking! Everybody out of the cockpit!"
PILOT: "Stand back, I've got a Magnum!"
HIJACKER: "Oh yuck, I hate champagne. Haven't you got anything else?"
Cut

Take 39:
HIJACKER: "All right, this is a hijacking! Nobody move!"
PILOT: "Stand back, I ... damn. I've used up my ammo. Jenkins, how about another round?"
CO-PILOT: "No way, it's not my round. I bought the last one."
Cut

TSA officials conceded they will probably abandon the training video concept.

Take 55:
HIJACKER: "All right, this is a hijacking! Now, who's flying the plane?"
PILOT: "I'm your captain, Johnny Walker.
CO-PILOT: "And I'm your first officer, Jim Beam."
HIJACKER: "Bwahahaha! ... oh man, I love that one."
Cut!

[Sir Gawain]

-

[TomServo]

Bwahahahahah!!!

[christine]

*grin*

[Jhoffa_]

ROFL!!

[big'ol_freeper]

We must frequent the same websites....beat you by eight minutes. My Posting

[cubreporter]

Since I have a son who is an airline pilot I find your remark about two thngs being loaded highly insulting and offensive to me and to the other friends of his whom we have known for years. These are responsible young men and women who take their jobs seriously and who care for the well being of their charges. Next time you feel fit to make an irresponsible and hurtful statment such as the one you made perhaps you should think about the pilots flying our airlines who are on the straight and narrow and how such a comment hurts them. I would like to think you were joking but...Thank you.

[Sir Gawain]

perhaps you should think about the pilots flying our airlines who are on the straight and narrow and how such a comment hurts them.

Perhaps the drunk pilots should think about that. BTW, I didn't write the article.

[cubreporter]

I realize you did not write the article and I was not laying blame on you for that article. I was upset at your remarks categorizing ALL pilots as having that same mentality. They do not.
That said...can you then realize not ALL the pilots behave in the irresponsible and dangerous manner demonstrated by the two America West pilots???
I don't choose to argue over this...I just felt it was a very unfair and callous statement directed at pilots who do care and who would do anything to save their passengers, crews and their aircraft. I hope you have a nice day. Thank you.

[doc]

Some police may have a drinking problem, does that mean all police should not carry firearms?

[Sir Gawain]

I was upset at your remarks categorizing ALL pilots as having that same mentality.

I wrote no remarks. Point out where you saw any.

[cubreporter]

Perhaps I misunderstood but..Did you not say the two things loaded remark? If you did not I apologize. Thank you.

[mewzilla]

Firearms and firewater.

[NittanyLion]

ROFL.

[handk]

According to this book...

...there are only two "states" of a man; loaded and unloaded. It is a "cockpit", after all.

[Burr5]

This is what one calls "comedy". There is much to laugh about in the story of the drunken pilots. If you are so damn sensitive, why did you click on this thread? We ALL know 99 proof of all pilots are responsible adults. Lighten up.

[Naked Lunch]

Yeah, it was funny. Have we degenerated to a society where everyone chooses to be offended and nobody can poke fun of anyone? Let me be the first to tell you that I think your son is a fine upstanding citizen and probably a darn good pilot. Shall we move on to outlawing lawyer jokes now?

[Texaggie79]

already posted in GI

[Illbay]

This is America West Airlines. The FReeper known as "Sir Gawain" will be escorted from the premises the moment he next tries to board any flight of America West or its partners.

Thank you for your attention.

[Sir Gawain]

No doubt. lol

Too bad I don't fly AW.