Posted on 04/29/2002 7:08:18 PM PDT by Apolitical
WHO'S HOT....
1. ROBERT BLAKE
Welcome to O.J. The Sequel, or should we call this latest media craze Son Of O.J.? Yes indeed, by allegedly shooting his wife in the head, Robert Blake has finally acquired the additional 15 minutes of celebrity he has unsuccessfully been seeking since his hit TV series Baretta tanked in the ratings more than twenty-five years ago. Nothing like been charged with murder to elicit some excessive media attention.
So far Mr. Blake hasn't signed any book deals, or talked about making a special murder tape to be exclusively hawked on late-night TV infomercials. And thank goodness, that irritating bird on Baretta hasn't tried to make a comeback yet, or write a "tell-all" book on its fractious relationship with Mr. Blake.
But then again, the much-anticipated murder trial hasn't started yet, has it? Watch for the real media feeding frenzy to begin then -- at which point you'll be wishing you had never heard of Robert Blake.
2.MARK SHUTTLEWORH
"Mark who?" you ask. Mark Shuttleworth, only the second person to buy his way into space, that's who. Saturday, the billionaire South African entrepreneur pulled up to the international space station in a Russian space capsule, as part of an eight-day, seven-night space "cruise" that cost him twenty million dollars. We wonder who his imaginative travel agent was, and what was the travel agent's commission?
According to various press reports, Shuttleworth smiled broadly as he floated into the space station. But no doubt, he later complained bitterly when informed that his cramped accommodations didn't include a TV to watch reruns of the final episode of The Bachelor.
A few hours later, South African President Thabo Mbeki called to congratulate the first African citizen in space. "That's the dumbest waste of twenty-million dollars I've ever heard of," President Mbeki likely told the beaming South African businessman. "But now that you've gone and done it, you're getting our country the first positive publicity we've had in months. So congratulations, and make sure you don't contact AIDS up there. You can get it from sitting on an infected toilet seats, you know."
3.OZZIE OSBOURNE
Yep, Ozzie's back, with a completely new TV gig. The former heavy-metal rock star and pioneering member of Black Sabbath has dropped his much-publicized experiments with Satanisn and chicken abuse. And now he's the star of The Osbournes, a twisted MTV sitcom that features his entire 'out-of-their-frickin-minds' family playing themselves. In fact, the second-last episode of Ozzie's smash MTV series pulled in 7.8 million viewers--the most-watched series ever on MTV (and about the same number of viewers normally pulled in by a successful mainstream show like The Practice).
Perhaps it's only a matter of time till Alice Cooper gets his own family-oriented TV sitcom, and Boy George stars as the dad in a contemporary remake of Father Knows Best.......
WHO'S NOT....
1. FATHER MARCIAL MACIEL
Oh dear. Now all those many sexual abuse charges against Roman Catholic clergy are even impacting the Pope himself. The latest furor is over Father Marcial Maciel, a trusted ally of Pope John Paul II, who has been accused of sexually abusing boys a half-century ago at an elite seminary for the Catholic Church.
The Pope is accused of covering up for his friend. And the alleged victims say the Vatican knew of the allegations against Father Marcial Maciel long ago and chose not to pursue them. In fact, the Pope has continued to praise 82-year-old Maciel, a Mexico native, as an effective leader of Catholic youth, despite detailed allegations sent to the Vatican four years ago indicating the priest was a long-time pedophile.
Goodness, we always knew the Roman Catholic leadership had an interest in Catholic youth -- just not that kind of interest.
With all the recent revelations of wrongdoing among leading Catholic clergy, it seems only a matter of time till the only remaining members of the Roman Catholic church are the clergy and their superiors (and maybe some of their, er, male "friends").......
2. MICHAEL JACKSON
Poor Michael Jackson. Things just haven't been going his way lately. Sales of his new album tanked after only a few days. His entire face appears to be falling off. And now he's so financially destitute, he had to pawn his most prized jewelled watch for two million dollars (hard to be believe that Mickey Mouse watches could fetch so much these days).
The good news for Jacko, of course, is that he was asked to be the best man at Liza Minnelli's wedding. And considering what appear to be Mr. Jackson's sexual proclivities, he can at least comfort himself that he didn't choose to become a Roman Catholic priest.
3. ELIZABETH HURLEY
For beleaguered film star and new mom, Elizabeth Hurley, the question now must be: "Where's a nice guy like Hugh Grant when you really need him?"
Just a couple of years ago, the narcissistic and ambitious English-born starlet booted the ever-square Mr. Grant out of her life, so that she could hang out and party with members of the international jet set. Then, to her chagrin, she found herself 'preggers' thanks to what now looks like a whirlwind one-night stand with American zillionaire and real-estate heir, Steve Bing.
Liz the promiscuous whiz now finds herself starring in a new role as frazzled single mom with a new baby and no father. Mr. Bing is questioning whether he really is the daddy of baby Hurley, as claimed by Liz. He and his lawyers imply that Liz was, well, dallying with other men during the same period she was, um, dallying with Big Steve. In other words, the blighter is claiming that Liz was as promiscuous as an Australian bunny rabbit and wants some DNA evidence of his fatherhood.
Mr. Bing, a sometime movie producer (when his rich daddy lets him) has gone to court in Britain to challenge Ms. Hurley's paternity claim. And according to Liz's friends, he has never so much as picked up the phone to inquire about her or her new baby's well being (the cad!).
Fortunately, Elton John has intervened and invited Liz and baby Hurley to come stay with him at his London mansion. The singer evidently hopes that his palatial residential surroundings, along with his extensive retinue of servants, will be a calming influence for frazzled Liz and her newborn. But pity poor baby Hurley, having to undergo the unsettling trauma of viewing Elton's latest hair pieces day after day.
Just thought you'd like to know
But you gotta be a famous movie star or wealthy real estate tycoon in order to sleep with her.
Her publicists have high standards, dontcha know.
The United States Military
WHO'S NOT:
Carrot Top & people with three nipples
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.