Entire Nation of Israel Converts to Catholicism

BSNN.NET ^ | 04/23/2002 | Lazamataz

[Lazamataz]

As the elected leader of the newly-designated Roman Catholic State of Israel, Airel Sharon has assumed the position of Cardinal of the Israeli Diocese.  

JERUSALEM —In an effort to confuse Palestinian bombers, the entire nation of Israel converted to Catholicism today. As the Knesset met yesterday, Shlomo Benizri submitted legislation that would formally change the official religion of Israel to Christianity in general and Roman Catholicism in particular. 

Speaking outside the Knesset chamber, Benizri told reporters, "If we just change religions, maybe the Palestinians won't really notice us any more."
 
The measure passed overwhelmingly. 
 
Alex Plotzker, of the news organization Ha'aretz, said in a commentary Monday night: "This brilliant move by our government will certainly lower our profile in the Islamic world. And now that we are no longer Jews, there is not so much reason to hate our freakin' guts, is this not true?"
 
As the people of Israel struggled to adapt to the change, airlifts of Crucifixes, Stations of the Cross, little Patron Saint cards and painted statues of the Virgin Mary were being planned from the United States. 

"Oy vey," lamented one unidentified man. "Now I should no longer atone for my sins once a year on Yom Kippur, but instead I should go to this 'confession' every week? Sounds like I am paying retail."
 
"Does that mean I have to change my name from Binyamin Chazan to Mark Masamacchi?" puzzled another.
 
In the Vatican, the Pope was informed of this recent development, but an ankle injury prevented him from commenting.

[Lazamataz]

I'm on a roll lately.

[Lazamataz]

Well, this is one possible solution.....

[goldstategop]

Too phunny. Even the Eurotrash will finally love Israel. This is cracking me uppp!!!

[Lazamataz]

WHOOP dere it is... WHOOP dere it is...

[Hail Caesar]

Though clearly non-PC, this is truly funny. :-)

[Lazamataz]

Mudsucking Grunt Bump.

[Lazamataz]

Chicago Bump

[Lazamataz]

Chicago Bump

[Hail Caesar]

Does this mean the gay Jews will have to convert, too? - oy vey, indeed... ;-)

[mseltzer]

Are you kidding? The Euroweenies would all convert to Judaism and start a Catholic-bashing campaign.

[Lazamataz]

2asisters.org bump!

[Lazamataz]

This is *one* possible solution to the Mid East crisis...

[Lazamataz]

Damn.

[syriacus]

Talk about "thinking outside the box." What an idea!!

Will this mean that the inhabitants of the US no longer have to fear the terrorists?

[Lazamataz]

Desperate times call for desperate measures

[Lazamataz]

Thinking-outside-the-box bump.

[SuziQ]

"Oy vey," lamented one unidentified man. "Now I should no longer atone for my sins once a year on Yom Kippur, but instead I should go to this 'confession' every week? Sounds like I am paying retail."

Oy vey! Now THAT is funny!!

[Alouette]

This is a joke, but Theodor Herzel, the father of secular Zionism, actually considered mass conversion of Jews to Christianity in order to get more widespread support for a "Jewish" homeland.

Years ago, somebody from the "Neturei Karta" (those wascally wabbis who always show up at anti-Israel demonstrations) told me this factoid. I didn't believe it, so he told me to go look it up in "any Zionist textbook."

"Founder of political Zionism. Born in Budapest, his education was German with little Jewish influence. He became a correspondent and later editor of the "Neue Freie Presse" in Vienna. For a while he toyed with the idea of converting and felt that mass conversion might solve the problem of anti-Semitism."

I'm not making this up.

[Lazamataz]

The only possible solution that I can see....