Posted on 04/17/2002 3:37:41 PM PDT by Tumbleweed_Connection
Awwwwww
NeverGore
Your first and primary role can be whatever you want it to be, but I would suggest that it should be in support of YOURSELF. You're not much good to anybody unless you're a complete person, with or without a mate. Then, when you've finally gotten to the point where you're self-sufficient and self-sustaining, any relationship you form is elective, not imperative, a bonus not an onus.
When I was president of a small, unstable, but growing company, I was stressed out and the woman I was dating at the time was not supportive at all of what I was trying to do...Two years later I was a success and I went to visit my now ex in my brand new Luxury SUV and she was dumbstruck with what she had missed out on. My self confidence at being successful had turned me into the guy I knew I could become once the fires were put out, but she had no faith in my ability to "just do it". Women, if you see a man who has dreams and is steadfast, its time to pitch your tent...A little trust in a man is more powerful than any antidepressent and can move a mountain...Unfortunately I did it without a womans help but it can be done with booze and pets. IMHO Cats rule, Dogs Drool!
Maybe those same women would have been unfulfilled divorced mothers if they hadn't taken the time to at least chase their illusion. I wonder how anyone could begrudge any person the right to make their own mistakes. Not every woman needs to pursue a career to be "self-actualized," but those who do would probably not be satisfied with the June Cleaver lifestyle you would impose on them.
By great good fortune, the woman who entered my life and is now my spouse, is a real Felicity Fahrquar. And she IS "younger, prettier and smarter" than I am. She edits every word that I write -- and it always improves the result. She keeps me on my toes. And she can cook some nifty things that are quite different from the Japanese stuf I like to cook.
I am delighted to be married to someone who can always "hit the ball back over the net." And she is delighted to be married to someone around whom she doesn't have to "hide the fact" that she's one sharp cookie.
To my experience, intelligence, ambition and success are about equally distributed among women and men. The only problem is, when you're part of the small percentage at the top of the heap you have to try real hard to find someone who matches most (but of course not all) of your interests and abillities. That statement applies equally to men and to women who are seeking a happy marriage.
I admit I was very lucky. She found me, from the wilds of South Succotash, Indiana. But even with serious searching rather than luck, it can be done.
I think Dowd is, as usual, projecting her own failures on large groups of other people/ IMHO.
Congressman Billybob
Click here to fight Campaign Finance "Reform/".
Click here for next column: "Why Are We Here?" - the Prequel.
Seven years and four children later, I am married to a very successful small business owner, respected community leader and beloved T-ball coach. I watch with glee as other men stop speaking to listen to my husband's opinion. His ex looks like she sucks lemons when we attend the same events and sniffs that he married a housemouse that can do nothing but breed.
The most profound disillusionment of my life was coming to realize how very rare kindness is among women. I really have never gotten over it. I now realize that what I always thought was kindness was just a common feminine pose, superficial and not even a little bit sincere. It's a dang shame, worse than the Santa Claus thing.
Now, regarding the common sentiment that men don't like strong women because they threaten their egos: who would want to come home to an adversary? Why would anyone want to live like that? I want home to be a place to recharge, a refuge from the vicissitudes of a brutal world. Why would I look for someone who "dares" me to love her?
Many women teach themselves the wrong things with their own actions. Women who act competetively or in an adversarial maner toward men will only attract men with ego issues, because who else would want romance to be an ego challenge? Why would a man with a healthy ego seek out that kind of stress? So these women "teach" themselves through their own experience that men have sick egos.
But don't tell them that ...
Of course, the proof of her smartness is obvious--she married me!
Don't get me wrong Ironjack, I'm no philosopher. I just ask questions.
Okay, rereading my earlier post, I find that I rambled without ever getting to my actual point. The issue has a tendency to cloud my reason.
Anyway, the point I was going to make was that "strong" and adversarial are only synonyms to feminists.
I want a strong woman, if only because a person has to be strong to be trustworthy. But I do not want a shrew or a b*tch or someone who always wants to argue.
I do not want someone who needs to bloat her own ego at the expense of mine. Oops, I mean bloat her self-esteem at the expense of my ego.
It is not healthy, it would certainly be clear to everyone that it is abusive if we were talking about men giving women a hard time in life, and I won't live like that.
Regarding the kiss-and-make-up aspect of arguing: it's cute to talk about that, especially in young lovers, but the cycle does not lead anywhere good in the long run. Sometimes you might make-up and f*ck a little harder than usual, some other times you might fight a little harder than usual, too. In reality it is very dangerous little game to play.
Oh, and I said I want a strong woman -- let me also say that I really need a smart woman. While smart can be dangerous and intimidating, I find that smarter women are generally more inclined to play fair, and a good intellect is a useful resource in a relationship. Besides it makes for more interesting pillow talk.
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