Laura Mardovich, who lost former husband Ed on Sept. 11, gets married to family friend Robert Balemian at St. Patrick's Church in Huntington, L.I. - N.Y. Post: Mary McLoughlin Posted on 04/14/2002 1:03:20 AM PDT by alisasny
9/11 WIDOW REMARRIES
| Laura Mardovich, who lost former husband Ed on Sept. 11, gets married to family friend Robert Balemian at St. Patrick's Church in Huntington, L.I. - N.Y. Post: Mary McLoughlin |
Wearing white and beaming broadly, Laura Mardovich married family friend Robert Balemian Friday.
People exchange their wedding vows every day, but what is unusual about this marriage is that Laura is a Sept. 11 widow - perhaps the first to remarry.
The priest who pronounced Laura and Robert man and wife saw their union as an uplifting sign for a parish that lost 18 people in the terrorist attacks - a sign that Laura is moving on with her life.
But to some friends and relatives, seven months is a short time to grieve - and they are stunned by the marriage.
Their feelings are all the more intense because Laura, 41, and her first husband, Ed Mardovich, 42, had what by all accounts was a storybook union.
He was the president of the securities division of Euro Brokers, a thriving investment firm, and the couple and their four children lived in tony Lloyd Harbor on Long Island's North Shore.
"They were a dream couple with beautiful children," said Robert Nogrady, a longtime friend.
The night before the attacks, Laura and Ed celebrated their 16th anniversary at Alain Ducasse, the exclusive Manhattan restaurant.
Afterward, Laura recalled that for the first time she could remember, Ed seemed satisfied with his life.
"Nothing compares to that night we had," she said. "He just had that look, like, ‘Maybe I am kind of special.' We said we would remember that night when we're 80 years old."
But it was not to be.
The next morning Ed went to his office on the 84th floor of the south tower of the World Trade Center. When the first hijacked plane ripped into the WTC's north tower, Ed called Laura on his cell phone to say he was safe.
He never came home - one of 60 Euro Brokers employees to die on Sept. 11.
After Ed's death, Laura changed.
"You could tell she was moving on," Nogrady said.
She closed out the family's brokerage account without saying goodbye to Nogrady, who handled it.
"I was a little hurt," he said.
She didn't return calls from relatives, who interpreted this as meaning she didn't want reminders of the past.
And she began seeing Balemian, a family friend and a widower with a child.
The couple got married at St. Patrick's Church in Huntington and toasted their union at a reception at the Waldorf-Astoria. They left on their honeymoon yesterday.
The Rev. Steve Berbig, who performed the marriage ceremony, said it is common for widows and widowers to remarry quickly because they are used to being married.
"Widows remarrying is routine - but this was a little more special. It was uplifting and positive for everyone around.
"There was an understood silence of what happened before," but the wedding's focus was "the present and now," Berbig said.
"As a priest, I was so happy for this couple. It was a great personal experience for me. People were very happy for them."
One relative, however, was anything but happy. "I don't understand," she said. "I can see her wanting to go on with her life. I always wanted her to remarry, but I never thought she would do it this way."
With a 50% divorce rate and infidelity rampant in our society, you can be sure that many (not all) of these "victims" feel like they have won the lottery.
Greedy bloodsuckers.
However, if God is with them and this is His Will truly, then they will make it work for the best, despite the misgivings and "wisdom" of the world.
I was fortunate in the sense that my husband was ill for a long time and we were able to discuss death, dying, what each of us would do should the other survive sorts of scenarios, etc.
One thing my husband said, from the get-go, was that he didn't want me to be alone--a little time for grieving, but not to set our relationship up on a pedestal that no one else could ever rise to.
He's been gone 9-1/2 years now, and it was only a few years back that I found out he had talked to his best friend in our town, who happened to be a bachelor, and also to his favorite cousin, another bachelor, asking them both to keep an eye out on me should anything happen to him.
Had I been interested, I could have been married about 9 years ago. These were both men I already had a friendship relationship with--which would cut down on the 'getting to know you' period. They were not flakes or nuts [else they wouldn't have been in our circle of people to hang out with]. But I wasn't interested......until recently I've thoroughly enjoyed my independence.
In most Catholic dioceses, there is a minimum of six months time required from engagement to marriage, no matter the ages or circumstances.
Had I been the priest, I would have encouraged that they take a little more time.
But then again, I may have read Hamlet a couple times too many.
PS to all you non-Shakespeare fans. Hamlet was POed cause his mother remarried shortly after his father died. Hamlet's father's ghost came around and told Hamlet, that his uncle (and new stepfather) murdered him by pouring poison in his ear. So Hamlet called for a play with that story line, just to see if it would wig out his stepfather.
And what, may I ask is wrong with that?
Good grief... There is nothing wrong with people doing whatever makes them happy after such a loss... I would never make somebody grieve on my schedule.
My step-dad fell in love again within 6-7 months of losing my mother to cancer. NEVER did I question his love for my mother, who was gone. I was happy to see him find someone so he would not be alone. Good thing he did too... He died only a few months later of a sudden aneurism. Never question the motives of others who make the most of the short time they have here on this earth.
Who made up the "one year" rule? I don't see that they did anything wrong.
The only people who have a problem with this are the religious masochists who think it's a sin to not wallow around in misery for your entire life.
Me, too.
Maybe it will help younger (or more recent) widows to know this, and to be patient. Being confused and misled and used is unfortunately part of the experience. Widows mustn't let themselves be rushed into major decisions, even by "trusted family friends" who happen to be available men.
For many months - 12-36 - they are going through a transition comparable to adolescence but with far more responsibilities. Other people cannot understand. As much as I don't like the touchy-feelyness of the concept, I do think support groups of other widows can be strengthening. I didn't look for one. I was skeptical of strangers, and not skeptical of a "trusted family friend," and learned the very hard way that my vulnerability was a magnet to predators who I never would have suspected based on my experiences when I wasn't at such a disadvantage. I thank God that He intervened and I did not remarry that first year.
I'm with you. I don't want to judge her because I have never been, nor hope to ever be in such an awful situation of losing my spouse, especially under such circumstances. Everyone has a different opinion on how long one should start dating after grieving. Seven months does seem a bit short, but again, I don't want to judge. So long as they are not hurting anyone, do whatever with it is that will help you deal with the coping.
That's the problem: She seems awfully eager to make the most of her time.
Is that a sin? I don't think so.
Oh come on, Cajungirl! How many women do you think can "honestly" wear white these days, first marriage or not? I think that was pretty catty of them to even mention the color of her dress. As I said, in a previous post, everyone has a different opinion on how long one is "allowed" to grieve before moving on. Seven months, does seem a bit quick to me, but as I said, I won't be judgemental and wish them well. Everyone should do the same.
I do not believe the way to have a strong society is to have lax social mores.
There were reasons traditional values evolved.
You cannot have a strong society and not respect those values.
Good point.
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