Posted on 03/21/2002 9:22:35 AM PST by Right Wing Professor
Or even an expressway. And it's certainly not in the realm of an embossed bust on a chunk of change or a crisp new greenback.
But Tuesday in Lincoln, a tribute, of sorts, was made to the 42nd president of the United States, William Jefferson Clinton.
A reptile at the Folsom Children's Zoo was renamed in his honor.
When the zoo opens for the season April 15 visitors will have a chance to meet Bill, a laid-back, 13-foot-long Burmese python.
Democrats, don't blame John Chapo. The zoo's executive director only offered the right to name the rat-eating reptile. He didn't bestow the moniker.
That task fell on Lincoln attorney John Ball.
Last fall he attended a Downtown Rotary Club auction. No stranger to such fund-raising events he had his eye out for something unusual.
Thus when bidding began for the once-in-a-lifetime snake-naming opportunity - all proceeds to benefit the zoo - he struck.
"My wife made me promise I would stop at $150," Ball remembered this week, standing a safe distance from Bill, who stretched in the corridor outside his cage, content after an earlier dinner of seven chicks (thawed and previously deceased.)
A hefty $525 - that's five Ben Franklins, one Andrew Jackson and an Abe Lincoln -later, Ball secured naming rights.
At the time the snake, which had been confiscated in Wichita, Kan., was under wraps at the zoo for a 30-day mandatory quarantine, but Ball took his 2-year-old daughter Taylor Rose for a peek anyway.
Taylor decided "Yellow" might be a fine name for the scaly golden and black serpent that disables its enemies by constricting their air supply.
Or perhaps, on second thought, "Scary."
Ball's wife Christi suggested "Johnnie Jr." (Maybe in response to Ball's suggestion they name the snake "Pat" after his mother-in-law.)
He mulled the ideas over until spring, when he returned to the zoo for the official snake-naming ceremony and a chance to see Bill up close.
"It's truly bipartisan," Ball said Tuesday, standing a safe distance from the great serpent in the basement of the Animal Kingdom Building. "You could say it's a great tribute to a past president, or . . ."
Here Ball paused in criminal defense lawyer fashion to construct his next remarks.
"Or a name to recognize the king of snakes."
The attorney declined to specify his political affiliation. (Hint: His No. 2 pick was Hillary.)
He kept some breathing room between his body and Bill, declining an Annie Lebowitz-like opportunity to pose with say, the python draped around his unrobed body.
"I don't mind him - from a distance," he said backing away as the serpent slithered across the floor, flicking his tongue.
Instead he let zoo employees Randy Scheer and Robert Volz do the snake charming, nodding his head and making appropriately concerned remarks "sure . . . uh-huh . . . oh, seriously" as they detailed Bill's recent consumption of a Mallard duck, whole. (Downing the beak was the easy part, getting the wings through the jaws was just a tad tricky.)
The snake-naming endeavor has been fun, said Ball as he observed Bill, once again safely behind glass.
Zoo staff took the covert Clinton-bashing in the spirit of frivolity as well.
A few minutes earlier Chapo had ushered a late reporter to the snake handling photo shoot.
"We have the attorney with the snake," he said as he wound his way past the giant green iguana, the sleepy gecko and a sloth named Nancy.
"The attorney," he said upon approach, "is the one in the suit."
Sounds like a better name for a pygmy rattler.
7 chicks a day
everybody keeping their distance
Calling him yellow wouldv'e worked for Col. Holmes
Yellow and black would surely have fit Maya Angelou's "first black president comment
Is the snakes nose rotting off or is he always bent?
HAAAA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!
As for Bill, it is a more appropriate name for a weasel.
Ping to John -- your profession falls further into disrepute (tongue firmly in cheek here).
d.o.l.
Criminal Number 18F
The National Institutes of Health have decided to stop experimenting on white rats and to use lawyers instead. The reasons are:
There's plenty of 'em.
You don't get emotionally attached to them.
There are some things that rats won't do.
Cordially,
John Armor, Esq.
aka, the (More er Less) Honorable Billybob,
cyberCongressman from Western Carolina
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