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I lost a child, going on 17 years ago...he was just 15, and died from a very rare form of leukemia..he lived for 15 months with his disease, and we all knew from the diagnosis, even him, that he would probably not survive his disease, as it had a very grim prognosis...so in the 15 months he was ill, we all tried to live life to the fullest, which was difficult, as he was in the hospital so much...but it made us all stop and think and appreciate each day as it came, and saw it for what it was, a gift from God...

So when he died, nothing was left undone, there were no loose ends to tie up...we let him know how much we loved him, and he let us know how much he loved us...it was very, very difficult, to let him slip away, and not be broken hearted about it..

But he let us know before he died, that he would be safe at home with the Lord, and would be healed of his illness...he did not want me, nor his father, nor his younger brother to spend too much time mourning him...of course, he realized this was easier said than done...he had more courage, and spunk, and determination, than I will ever have...in the end, he left us all too soon...

That being said, how does one cope with the loss of a child...there is no easy, or one size fits all answer...grief affects each one in different ways...I was lucky in that I had a great husband for support, and another child to care for, and a great network of friends and relatives who lent an ear and a shoulder to cry on...

I think what is important to remember, is that each person who has lost a loved one, must be allowed the time and space they need to grieve...expecting them to 'snap out of it', or thinking that they should get on with their lives when they are not ready to, is at the best cruel...some may grieve horribly for much longer than others do...we each go about this in our own way...

My own advice to those who want to help those who are grieving is this...listen to them, without judging them...sometimes those of us who have lost a child, want to badly to talk about our child to others...but sometimes others feel uncomfortable with that, and then they draw away, fearful they may say or do the wrong thing...please know and understand, that talking about our deceased children can be theraputic...it allows us to share our child with others, it allows us to in some small way keep them alive...

In spite of all I tried, to get over my sons death, I eventually wound up in the hospital, diagnosed with severe clinical depression....but meds and much therapy have restored me...I also have amnesia for about the first 18 months after my sons death...this is not tremendously unusual...I have read of many other mothers who lost a child, and some have had amnesia for years after the death...its almost as if the mind will not allow us to relive the sharp pain we felt so soon after our childs death...

It is very easy to tell the one who is grieving, that time will heal them, that their loved one is with the Lord, that all is in Gods plan..but you know, sometimes none of that is enough, and we just simply dont want to hear it, and all we want to do is cry...and that is ok...cry and cry and cry for as long as it takes...

I must say, altho the pain is probably not as sharp and debilitating as it was in the beginning, not a single day goes by, when I dont think of and mourn my dear son...every time his birthday comes, every Christmas, every holiday, his memory is there, fresh as ever...I know when I die myself, my last thought will be for my son, knowing I will see him soon...dont know if any of this has helped anyone else, but it has helped me...God Bless all those who are grieving, and Bless those who lend a shoulder and an ear to those who are in grief...

mercy. tearful bump.

I lost a 4-month old baby, but to lose an older child must be devastating.

Your post #27 brought me to tears. Thank you for revealing what you have gone through with the loss of your child. Your information is so very very helpful.

Glib statements - of wellmeaning friends - just don't cut it, do they? Words really are a loss at a time like this. But maybe accumulated "airing out" of the experiences of others will help Mrs. Chief and anyone else going through a time of deep loss.

I am glad to read that you made it through that time - even though you still remember your child every day. Thanks again and God bless!

"My own advice to those who want to help those who are grieving is this...listen to them, without judging them...sometimes those of us who have lost a child, want to badly to talk about our child to others...but sometimes others feel uncomfortable with that, and then they draw away, fearful they may say or do the wrong thing...please know and understand, that talking about our deceased children can be theraputic...it allows us to share our child with others, it allows us to in some small way keep them alive...

In spite of all I tried, to get over my sons death, I eventually wound up in the hospital, diagnosed with severe clinical depression....but meds and much therapy have restored me...I also have amnesia for about the first 18 months after my sons death...this is not tremendously unusual...I have read of many other mothers who lost a child, and some have had amnesia for years after the death...its almost as if the mind will not allow us to relive the sharp pain we felt so soon after our childs death..."

Wow, your story is so moving, and I always admire the grace you have to reach out to others and help when they are hurting.

it's so good to see you here! Not surprised you would post such beautiful words in your post #27 ...

I think your thoughts may bring some comfort to many here who have lost someone, even if it's not their beloved child...but still - people need to understand when others are grieving - you can't just turn it on or turn it off.

Hope your adventurer son is doing well, and hubby too! Good to see you, and I hope the CHief's Wife gets to read what you wrote...