Posted on 02/08/2002 7:26:11 AM PST by Lazamataz
Washington D.C. (UPA) -- In a stunning report, something is going on, reports a government agency Thursday. This happened over three times in three weeks, someone in this agency was quoted as saying.
“You’d be surprised what happens,” said this employee, “sometimes, things happen and I am not even made aware of it.” The employee would neither confirm nor deny that something went on, despite a Congressional Inquiry into the sequence of events.
Something happens on a regular basis somewhere in the globe, confirmed the Center for Responsive Stuff. Rates of things occurring have been rising worldwide ever since the government began keeping track of things, with a sharp dip in things not happening in February, bringing the total of stuff going on to an all time high. The incidence of foreign activity has sharply increased, as well, bringing the activity deficit to a relative parity with some other place somewhere. >{? “Surprisingly, things happen in foreign countries too,” said the Chief Counsel of Affairs of the United Nations, “and it is very difficult to keep track of it all – even in this highly computerized information age we are in.”
The quantity of things going on elsewhere has greatly concerned the Pentagon, who tries to keep strict controls on the various things going on. Said General Ween: “If things are allowed to get out of hand, there is just no telling, I mean, who knows where it will go or how bad it can get.” The President has budgeted for a sharp increase in monitoring capability for the US military in response to the threat of various things happening.
Jack is the only son of Awe Schnitt and O. Schnitt. Awe Schnitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schnitt, a partner in the law firm, Knee, Deep & Schnitt. In turn, Jack Schnitt married Noe Schnitt and the deeply religious couple produced six children: Holie, the twins Deep and Dip, Fulla, Giva and Bull Schnitt.
Against his parent's strong objections, Deep Schnitt married Dumb Schnitt, a high school drop out. After being married for 15 years, Jack and Noe divorced. Noe Schnitt married Mr. Scherlock and, because her kids were living with them, decided to keep her previous name, hence, she became known as Noe Schnitt-Sherlock.
Dip Schnitt moved south and married Loda Schnitt and they produced a cowardly son and named him Chick Noe (after his grandmother,) Schnitt. He became known as Chick N. Schnitt for short.
Fulla Schnitt and Giva Schnitt were inseparable thought childhood and consequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony. The Schitt-Happens children are Dawg, Byrd, and Horse Schnitt.
Bull Schnitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He returned with his new Italian bride, Pisa. Their only son, Tough Schnitt, became a professional wrestler and later moved to Minnesota to purse a career in politics.
Now when someone says "you don't know Jack Schnitt," you can correct them.
My thoughts exactly.
My thoughts exactly.
WHO YOU CALLIN' A SUM-BIT?!?!?
That's not how you do that. Watch:
How come everybody's got a cool screen name but me? :o(
But, I think the News guys are covering other items.
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