Bless My Gay Stars! Rosie O'Donnell Busts Out of the Closet

Village Voice ^ | 2/6/2 | La Dolce Musto - by Michael Musto

[dead]

Bless my gay stars! You've heard by now that Rosie O'Donnell is coming out in her memoirs, which at this point might be as shocking as Kid Rock being straight, but it's still an important step worthy of breaking out our finest diet sodas. For years, I've critiqued Rosie's ambiguous single-mom act and dissed her for claiming she wanted to protect her private life, while publicly detailing every burp and doodoo of her kids. At the height of her subterfuge—enforced by her higher-ups, for all I know—Rosie gushed over Tom Cruise in between indulging in coy, pronoun-free banter with her musical director (who's due for a closet-busting, too, if you ask me). Quizzed about her sex life, Rosie would say she didn't want any adjectives attached to her name, though she probably had no problem with Irish or funny; it was just the L-word that drove her looney, and she made sure it didn't come up on her homey (but not homo) show.

At least she was trotting out her gal pals in public rather than being a total "bearded" lady, and as the pop landscape changed, things kept moving forward for the mouthy comic. During a commercial break in a Tony Awards show a few years ago, Rosie made an untelevised lesbian innuendo, later telling me, "Maybe that'll stop you from writing about my personal life." It didn't, but it wasn't the end of her inching toward honesty either, as she floated more gay suggestions and legendarily declared, "I love you, Kelli," at last year's Daytime Emmys. (She later tried to take that back, but couldn't.) Now Rosie can live without lies or evasions, if also without a talk show. Can't someone come out when they're on top? Still, though she's belated—and selling a book—she's definitely beloved, so bravo!

[river rat]

Being a lesbian, was not Rosie's downfall...
Being another stupid, leftist liberal and bigoted bitch was her problem.
Semper Fi

[dead]

Tom is as gay as the day is long. That's old news.

[codebreaker]

Tom is a swich hitter, the story is that Nicole caught him 'horsing around' with a few buddies and they werent watching the Super Bowl.

The next day she took the kids and left. Penelope Cruz is a beautiful 'beard' though.

[Double Eagle Sword of Justice]

What Rosie's done to the innocent kids she's adopted ought to be a crime. Kids don't have a choice and need both a mother AND a father, not to be forcefully indoctrinated into a homosexual lifestyle household.

[Xenalyte]

Gay as a debutante. (Now I'll get sued for libel or something.)

[GraniteStateConservative]

More chunk in the trunk?

[codebreaker]

She is hottie in the way that the last girl in the bar at 2AM is good looking.

[BikerNYC]

Are you sure?

[motzman]

Chubby Chaser!

[HowlinglyMind-BendingAbsurdity]

Boy, that's a shocker.

[codebreaker]

That one really needed a barf alert.

[pgobrien]

Tom Cruise is a Pickle Smoocher? NOW I understand why he allowed the split up with the stunning Nicole. His loss is our gain.

[streamline]

Reminds me of the old Grateful Dead lyric: "Well a couple of shots of whiskey, women round here start lookin' good".

[pgobrien]

Monica better not stray too close to the ocean....else Greenspeace will drag her back out to sea to prevent beaching. She might look good with a table over her head.

[MortMan]

I'm not sure how you did it - but changing a thread about Rosie O'Hypocrite de-clositing herself into an empassioned plea for your image of Monica Lewinsky is an incredible feat of polymorphism! My hat's off to you!!!;-)