Posted on 02/05/2002 11:33:19 AM PST by dead
Bless my gay stars! You've heard by now that Rosie O'Donnell is coming out in her memoirs, which at this point might be as shocking as Kid Rock being straight, but it's still an important step worthy of breaking out our finest diet sodas. For years, I've critiqued Rosie's ambiguous single-mom act and dissed her for claiming she wanted to protect her private life, while publicly detailing every burp and doodoo of her kids. At the height of her subterfuge—enforced by her higher-ups, for all I know—Rosie gushed over Tom Cruise in between indulging in coy, pronoun-free banter with her musical director (who's due for a closet-busting, too, if you ask me). Quizzed about her sex life, Rosie would say she didn't want any adjectives attached to her name, though she probably had no problem with Irish or funny; it was just the L-word that drove her looney, and she made sure it didn't come up on her homey (but not homo) show.
At least she was trotting out her gal pals in public rather than being a total "bearded" lady, and as the pop landscape changed, things kept moving forward for the mouthy comic. During a commercial break in a Tony Awards show a few years ago, Rosie made an untelevised lesbian innuendo, later telling me, "Maybe that'll stop you from writing about my personal life." It didn't, but it wasn't the end of her inching toward honesty either, as she floated more gay suggestions and legendarily declared, "I love you, Kelli," at last year's Daytime Emmys. (She later tried to take that back, but couldn't.) Now Rosie can live without lies or evasions, if also without a talk show. Can't someone come out when they're on top? Still, though she's belated—and selling a book—she's definitely beloved, so bravo!
The worst in commercials is still that sepia-toned Sunday Times home-delivery one, my trashing of which has prompted kazillions to call in and point out what they find irritating about it. To wit: When hubby says, "She goes straight for Arts & Leisure; I check out the magazine," wifey throws him a look that suggests she'll be performing spousal duties that night; the Prozac-y black chick seems absurdly serene about getting "a jump on the week"; they keep repeating home as a mantra ("home delivery . . . at home"); and they all seem a little overly proud about reading a f*#king newspaper. And don't get me started about the daily delivery commercial, with the nerdy Web-surfer daughter and the dad who says that if the Times is just a paper, "then I suppose the Grand Canyon is just a hole in the ground." Suppose this.
Since he started it, the most annoying part of the commercial for me is the chick who says, “The only thing I like better than doing the Sunday crossword puzzle, is actually finishing it.”
I’d bet a hundred bucks that that ditz couldn't even spell “crossword puzzle”.
Was it absolutely necessary for this article to talk about Rosie being 'on top'? [shudder]
Rosie: "Nobody should own a gun, except for me and the bodyguard for my children."
YEEEEECHH! Glad there's no visual to go with THAT thought.
Did Janet barbecue the Back Street Boys before Rosie ate them?
LOL.
I guess it's okay when Al Franken writes a book called "Rush Limbaugh is a Big Fat Idiot," but it's not okay to call Rosie O'Donnell a big fat pig?
-PJ
As far as Rosie goes, hopefully her coming out will be as good for her career as it was for Ellen Degenerate and she will fade into obscurity.
Eddie Murphys career is still recovering from the bust on Sunset.
Musta been one o' dem extra-wide closet doors.
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.