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Bless My Gay Stars! Rosie O'Donnell Busts Out of the Closet
Village Voice ^ | 2/6/2 | La Dolce Musto - by Michael Musto

Posted on 02/05/2002 11:33:19 AM PST by dead

Bless my gay stars! You've heard by now that Rosie O'Donnell is coming out in her memoirs, which at this point might be as shocking as Kid Rock being straight, but it's still an important step worthy of breaking out our finest diet sodas. For years, I've critiqued Rosie's ambiguous single-mom act and dissed her for claiming she wanted to protect her private life, while publicly detailing every burp and doodoo of her kids. At the height of her subterfuge—enforced by her higher-ups, for all I know—Rosie gushed over Tom Cruise in between indulging in coy, pronoun-free banter with her musical director (who's due for a closet-busting, too, if you ask me). Quizzed about her sex life, Rosie would say she didn't want any adjectives attached to her name, though she probably had no problem with Irish or funny; it was just the L-word that drove her looney, and she made sure it didn't come up on her homey (but not homo) show.

At least she was trotting out her gal pals in public rather than being a total "bearded" lady, and as the pop landscape changed, things kept moving forward for the mouthy comic. During a commercial break in a Tony Awards show a few years ago, Rosie made an untelevised lesbian innuendo, later telling me, "Maybe that'll stop you from writing about my personal life." It didn't, but it wasn't the end of her inching toward honesty either, as she floated more gay suggestions and legendarily declared, "I love you, Kelli," at last year's Daytime Emmys. (She later tried to take that back, but couldn't.) Now Rosie can live without lies or evasions, if also without a talk show. Can't someone come out when they're on top? Still, though she's belated—and selling a book—she's definitely beloved, so bravo!


TOPICS: Culture/Society; News/Current Events
KEYWORDS: braad; homosexualagenda; sasu
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I just included the Rosie stuff. Believe it or not, the rest of the article gets ten times more flaming and catty. It’s mostly silly stuff about some N’Sync kid being gay, and Nathan Lane pretending not to be gay for a biopic about Jackie Gleason. But he does take some slaps at the NY Times:

The worst in commercials is still that sepia-toned Sunday Times home-delivery one, my trashing of which has prompted kazillions to call in and point out what they find irritating about it. To wit: When hubby says, "She goes straight for Arts & Leisure; I check out the magazine," wifey throws him a look that suggests she'll be performing spousal duties that night; the Prozac-y black chick seems absurdly serene about getting "a jump on the week"; they keep repeating home as a mantra ("home delivery . . . at home"); and they all seem a little overly proud about reading a f*#king newspaper. And don't get me started about the daily delivery commercial, with the nerdy Web-surfer daughter and the dad who says that if the Times is just a paper, "then I suppose the Grand Canyon is just a hole in the ground." Suppose this.

Since he started it, the most annoying part of the commercial for me is the chick who says, “The only thing I like better than doing the Sunday crossword puzzle, is actually finishing it.”

I’d bet a hundred bucks that that ditz couldn't even spell “crossword puzzle”.

1 posted on 02/05/2002 11:33:20 AM PST by dead
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To: dead
This just in: Rosie's as fat as a pig too.
2 posted on 02/05/2002 11:37:09 AM PST by zarf
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To: dead
She's fat and gay? Rosie? What a shocker!
3 posted on 02/05/2002 11:43:59 AM PST by turk99
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To: dead
Can't someone come out when they're on top?

Was it absolutely necessary for this article to talk about Rosie being 'on top'? [shudder]

4 posted on 02/05/2002 11:44:11 AM PST by Sloth
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To: dead
Duh!....like we didn't already know!!!
5 posted on 02/05/2002 11:46:55 AM PST by mystery-ak
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To: dead
Boyoboy! And I thought I was the only one who thought that that chick could no more finish the Sunday crossword than I could swim the English Channel! Yeah--that frosted me pretty good too.
6 posted on 02/05/2002 11:51:04 AM PST by Pharmboy
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To: zarf
This just in: Rosie's as fat as a pig too.

Now, now. From what I gather from the "Is fat a disease?" threads, so are a lot of people around here. Just too much beer and hotdogs during the summer.
7 posted on 02/05/2002 11:56:01 AM PST by BikerNYC
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To: dead
Rosie ate The Backstreet Boys.

Rosie: "Nobody should own a gun, except for me and the bodyguard for my children."

8 posted on 02/05/2002 12:02:28 PM PST by MotleyGirl70
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To: dead
Now we have to figure out exactly what she was doing campaigning with Janet Reno.
9 posted on 02/05/2002 12:03:25 PM PST by katherineisgreat
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To: katherineisgreat
No we don't. Please.
10 posted on 02/05/2002 12:06:35 PM PST by dead
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To: katherineisgreat
katherine,

YEEEEECHH! Glad there's no visual to go with THAT thought.

Did Janet barbecue the Back Street Boys before Rosie ate them?

11 posted on 02/05/2002 12:08:54 PM PST by Palladin
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To: Palladin
Did Janet barbecue the Back Street Boys before Rosie ate them?

LOL.

12 posted on 02/05/2002 12:13:39 PM PST by MotleyGirl70
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To: BikerNYC
Now, now. From what I gather from the "Is fat a disease?" threads, so are a lot of people around here. Just too much beer and hotdogs during the summer.

I guess it's okay when Al Franken writes a book called "Rush Limbaugh is a Big Fat Idiot," but it's not okay to call Rosie O'Donnell a big fat pig?

-PJ

13 posted on 02/05/2002 12:14:59 PM PST by Political Junkie Too
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To: dead
Is Jodie Foster next?
14 posted on 02/05/2002 12:15:54 PM PST by codebreaker
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To: codebreaker
NOOOOOO!! Not Jody Foster??????

As far as Rosie goes, hopefully her coming out will be as good for her career as it was for Ellen Degenerate and she will fade into obscurity.

15 posted on 02/05/2002 12:23:33 PM PST by Delbert
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To: Political Junkie Too
No. Neither are okay.
16 posted on 02/05/2002 12:25:47 PM PST by BikerNYC
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To: Delbert
I'd much rather see John Travolta, Keanu Reeves or Tommie Cruise come out of the closet just to see the reaction-but that will never happen.

Eddie Murphys career is still recovering from the bust on Sunset.

17 posted on 02/05/2002 12:26:33 PM PST by codebreaker
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To: dead
So does this mean Tom Cruise is gay too?
18 posted on 02/05/2002 12:27:51 PM PST by toupsie
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To: dead
Rosie O'Donnell Busts Out of the Closet

Musta been one o' dem extra-wide closet doors.

19 posted on 02/05/2002 12:29:45 PM PST by Redcloak
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To: Pharmboy
Rosie O'Donnell swam the English Channel?
20 posted on 02/05/2002 12:33:11 PM PST by BibChr
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