I need legal advice about international custody!!! Please help!!

self | Rutabega

[Rutabega]

I am posting my first article (long time lurker) to ask for some help!

I am a US citizen who is married to a Swedish citizen. We met and married in the US but he got transferred back to Sweden and we moved here a year ago. We are myself, husband, son from previous marriage (I have full custody) and daughter from this marriage. I have been having serious marriage difficulties and have finally resigned myself that a divorce is in the best intrest of all of us (he is especially unkind to my son, a four year old).

I have been counseled by a lawyer in Sweden that if I try to get full custody, I will probably not win, as the rule here is 50-50. He advises me to file in the US and try for full custody. However, there are some rules about kidnapping (yikes!!! awful word, and something I DO NOT WANT TO DO!!!!) and I may lose custody of my daughter and face jail time!

I DO NOT want to exclude her father from my daughter's life, but I also do not want to live in a socialist country any longer! In the US, I have a large support system, and can finish my degree in six months. In Sweden, I need to take another year of language classes and then train for two years to make an annual salary of about 20K (before 30% taxes). Meanwhile, we will be living close to the poverty line, and I will be out of luck if something happens and I need family help.

I got myself into this mess, I understand, but I need some advice on how toget out of it legally! I do not know any lawyers, aside from the Swedish one who doesn't know the US laws, and my son is suffering!

As an aside, my husband says I may not take her to the US, that he will fight me, and meanwhile, he doesn't pay ANY attention to her (no kiss good-night, let alone diaper changing, feeding, or cuddling).

[Rutabega]

Rutabega's are called swedes in the UK!

[unsycophant]

my dad has an excellent relationship with him and was a great father (he's a FReeper, too)

Can you FReepmail your dad or flag him to this thread?

[Architect]

Even my in-laws think we should get divorced because of his behavior!

Perhaps you should enlist them as allies in a more constructive way?

[Simcha7]

Your Post # 11...

NASTY, RUDE and Not What Yeshua/Jesus would say or do.

And...You say You are a "Christian"???

OY VEY!

*** Note to: Rutebega...IGNORE POST # 11.

We will Pray for You and Your Children that...

The Lord will make a Way for you to live in Peace and Freedom.

[StarFan]

I was beginning to think I was the only one on this thread thinking with my head instead of some lower part of the anatomy You call that thinking with your head by suggesting she chose one child over the other? I pray you are not a parent!

Rutabega, hopefully the earlier post with a link to a US attorney will be of some help and he/she may guide you to do whatever is lawful and in the best interest of your children.

[jimt]

Have you asked him why he treats the boy this way?

[crystalk]

Sorry, Sim, but can't even a CHRISTIAN be practical and hard headed at times, as I am in 11, in an attempt to be understood clearly?

In my latest posts, I spoke more from the heart, by saying that children are usually better off it they stay together, however poorly they get along, however difficult it is, ...

I know that is controversial but it is my best shot-- one, practical advice if the marriage is completely verreckt; two, advise it stay together however difficult if that can be done.

Sorry, only human Im afraid...

[kdw]

crystalk says: >That is where BOTH parents are Americans overseas on a >temporary basis, not planning to domicile themselves >there. In this case, if I understand it, ONE parent is no >American at all, and the other might be said to have >emigrated with intent to reside abroad >permanently/indefinitely. No, that is not the way it works at all. In my case the child's mother was (and is)a Swede. I was living in Sweden with a permenate residents permit and had been for 8 years. We were not married at the time, but my name was on my child's Swedish birth certificate as the father. That was all that was required. IIRC at the time, there was a situation were a child born abroad of a US Citizen did not have a right to a US passport. That was if the parents were married and the father was the non-American. Think "fatherland"here. I think this has been changed now to be less discriminatory.

[StarFan]

... and the teachers there told me that my husband is so rude and mean they had to tell me about it. Even my in-laws think we should get divorced because of his behavior!

I'm curious what changed this man? Surely you would have seen signs prior to marrying him.

[crystalk]

On the narrow point, I am not sure at all that it HAS been changed, in fact my info is that it has not, in the facts given here.

[Luis Gonzalez]

PING!

[be131]

That is where BOTH parents are Americans overseas on a temporary basis, not planning to domicile themselves there. In this case, if I understand it, ONE parent is no American at all, and the other might be said to have emigrated with intent to reside abroad permanently/indefinitely.

From the INS Guide to Naturalization (page 6):

In most cases, you are a U.S. citizen if ALL of the following are true:

• One of your parents was a U.S. citizen when you were born;
• Your citizen parent lived at least 5 years in the United States before you were born; and
• At least 2 of these 5 years in the United States were after your citizen parent's 14th birthday.

Your record of birth abroad, if registered with a U.S. consulate or embassy, is proof of your citizenship. You may also apply for a passport to have your citizenship recognized. If you need additional proof of your citizenship, you may file an "Application for Certificate of Citizenship" (Form N-600) with INS to get a Certificate of Citizenship. Call the INS Forms Line at 1-800-870-3767 to request an N-600 or download the form from the internet at http://www.ins.usdoj.gov.

(If you were born before November 14, 1986, you are a citizen if your U.S. citizen parent lived in the United States for at least 10 years and 5 of those years in the United States were after your citizen parent s 14th birthday)

[copyfight]

like I said in a previous post, Sweden is littered with the ex-spouses of American who met Swedes in the US and things fell apart when they moved to Sweden. I think it has a lot to do with roles. In the US, the American spouse is the defacto leader, and customs are centered around US life style. The roles are reversed, mostly unpredictably, when they move to Sweden, and the formerly passive spouse becomes the leader, so to speak. This can really upset relationship dynamics. There isn't really anyone can do - it just requires a tremendous amount of trust and love by each side to make it. But Sweden has a culture of divorce - so there might not be much incentive to make it work, sadly.

[droberts]

Well if we could all tell that ahead of time the divorce rate would drop to zero.

[infowarrior]

Doesn't matter where the daughter was born, crystalk. What matters is that Mom is a US citizen, and the daughter has citizenship through her, regardless...

the infowarrior

[crystalk]

I stand corrected on the citizenship issues: but not on the practical advice in my #11.

And, as I said above, my comments on the citizenship issues were based upon the original letter, which seemed at least to me to indicate the daughter was Swedish born.

Once it developed that she was American born, and other additional facts came up, that changed things.

In any event I think there is a lot of help for the lady in these comments, as long as she is not encouraged to commit a crime under kidnap laws.

[Dec31,1999]

I found this thread by accident, so please excuse my late reply. My advice is as follows:

(1)Don't get divorced!

(2) Stay in Sweden until the kids are both at least 18.

(3) Don't live with your husband.

(4) Live with your son, and possibly with your daughter, or split the time, as needed, desired.

(5) Live as close as possible to your husband, ideally a 10 minute walk away.

(6) Don't move back in with him if things get better, and they will.

(7) Turn a blind eye toward his sex life, if any.

(8) Don't date or be with anyone else until the kids are at least 18.

(9) Don't speak ill of him to people who know him in Sweden, especially his daughter or your son.

I hope this helps.

[jackbill]

Yeah, right. Does your husband think so? Or your daughter? Or even your son?

Your complaints strike me as selfish and childish. Ever consider the possibility that this is why your previous marriage broke down? Maybe you should try to work it out this time. You've already put your son through one divorce. Destroying your daughter's family too will not make it better. And of course your husband is right to fight it.

It is really reassuring to know that there are people out there that have all of the answers, without knowing all of the questions. Maybe we should make you the "Ultimate Judge" and anyone who has a problem should bring it to you.

I have had bitter experience with "marriage partners" who just can't make themselves accept a child (step-child) that is not their own. It is destructive. There is no way to change them. The best thing is to get the child the hell out of there.

I'm not familiar with travel within the European countries but with the "European Union", isn't it possible to travel without "passports" from one country to another? If I were in this woman's situation I would explore organizations in this country which help "retrieve" kids from foreign countries, try to move to another country where it might be possible to transit from there to the U.S., even if you have to break a few "laws".