Posted on 01/14/2002 9:42:31 AM PST by Rutabega
I am posting my first article (long time lurker) to ask for some help!
I am a US citizen who is married to a Swedish citizen. We met and married in the US but he got transferred back to Sweden and we moved here a year ago. We are myself, husband, son from previous marriage (I have full custody) and daughter from this marriage. I have been having serious marriage difficulties and have finally resigned myself that a divorce is in the best intrest of all of us (he is especially unkind to my son, a four year old).
I have been counseled by a lawyer in Sweden that if I try to get full custody, I will probably not win, as the rule here is 50-50. He advises me to file in the US and try for full custody. However, there are some rules about kidnapping (yikes!!! awful word, and something I DO NOT WANT TO DO!!!!) and I may lose custody of my daughter and face jail time!
I DO NOT want to exclude her father from my daughter's life, but I also do not want to live in a socialist country any longer! In the US, I have a large support system, and can finish my degree in six months. In Sweden, I need to take another year of language classes and then train for two years to make an annual salary of about 20K (before 30% taxes). Meanwhile, we will be living close to the poverty line, and I will be out of luck if something happens and I need family help.
I got myself into this mess, I understand, but I need some advice on how toget out of it legally! I do not know any lawyers, aside from the Swedish one who doesn't know the US laws, and my son is suffering!
As an aside, my husband says I may not take her to the US, that he will fight me, and meanwhile, he doesn't pay ANY attention to her (no kiss good-night, let alone diaper changing, feeding, or cuddling).
I have tried very hard to make this marriage work but my husband doesn't want it to. He will not go to marriage counselling, or agree that there is any fault on his side (and yes, I do know and acknowledge planty of my own faults!)
Of course you shouldn't leave your daughter. What are these people thinking??
Sure you are.
My parents are all for my moving home--I have tried to work things out with him for a year, and he doesn't want to help. I made a hash of my first marriage, and wanted this one to work very much. I am sad that it doesn't seem to. I am sorry that I sound childish to some of you, but I am very worried about my son who loves this man who is so nasty to him. My husband does like my daughter, however, and I do not want to split the two of them up for good.
Since it obvious I do not need to think about marriage again, I need a good male role model in my sons life, and my dad has an excellent relationship with him and was a great father (he's a FReeper, too).
I don't want to exclude my husband, I just want to get back to the US and give my kids a better life surrounded by love.
My parents are all for my moving home--I have tried to work things out with him for a year, and he doesn't want to help. I made a hash of my first marriage, and wanted this one to work very much. I am sad that it doesn't seem to. I am sorry that I sound childish to some of you, but I am very worried about my son who loves this man who is so nasty to him. My husband does like my daughter, however, and I do not want to split the two of them up for good.
Since it obvious I do not need to think about marriage again, I need a good male role model in my sons life, and my dad has an excellent relationship with him and was a great father (he's a FReeper, too).
I don't want to exclude my husband, I just want to get back to the US and give my kids a better life surrounded by love.
If Elian's mother had lived he'd still be here in the U.S.
My daughter's passport IS American!
If your son loves this man, why do you want to break them up? A little cussing is not the end of the world.
Either way, you're no holier than she.
If Cuba prevailed, outlaw state and enemy that it is, what chance would she have against Sweden?
Probably this woman needs our prayers. As a Christian I think she had better settle down and make the best loving home she can right there in Svenska-land for her husband and children, and think of what is best for them rather than just herself, and forget those big birds in the sky for awhile, it often happens that the problem is interior and in the soul, needs prayer, conversion...and the airplane has solved nothing.
As a Christian I hope she settles and does her duty there in the snows, it can be a lovely people and place, even if the men are a little gruff and stolid by USA garrulous standards...strong and silent, that is, those Swedes...
IF she HAS to file for divorce the only place she'll get a fair shake at it is here in the U.S. and since both children were born here and ARE American citizens it makes sense for her to do it here and not there.
http://www.aca.ch/hisuscit.htm
Only an idiot would tell her to stay in a failed and unhappy marriage "for the children". Long term that would do far more damage to all involved than her coming back here where she has a support structure for herself and her kids.
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