Posted on 01/11/2002 3:20:52 PM PST by GMMAC
A distraught father struggling with overdue child support obligations and adverse family court decisions committed suicide on the steps of the downtown San Diego courthouse Monday. Angrily waving court documents, 43 year-old Derrick Miller walked up to court personnel at the entrance, said "You did this to me," and shot himself in the head.
Miller is one of 300,000 Americans who have taken their own lives over the past decade -- as many Americans as were killed in combat in World War II. America is in the throes of a largely unrecognized suicide epidemic, as suicide has become the eighth leading cause of death in the United States today, and the third leading cause of death among adolescents. All Americans recognize that our country is rife with violent crime, but few know that 50 percent more Americans kill themselves than are murdered.
Who is committing suicide?
For the most part, men. According to the National Institute of Mental Health, males commit suicide four times as often as females do and have higher suicide rates in every age group. There are many risk factors for suicide, including substance abuse and mental illness, but the two situations in which men are most likely to kill themselves are after the loss of a job, and after a divorce. Because our society strongly defines manhood as the ability to work and provide for one's loved ones, unemployed men often see themselves as failures and as burdens to their families. Thus it is not surprising that while there is no difference in the suicide rate of employed and unemployed women, the suicide rate of unemployed men is twice that of employed men.
It is for this reason that economic crises generally lead to male suicide epidemics. During the Midwest farm crisis of the 1980s, for example, the suicide rate of male farmers tripled. A sharp increase in male suicide occurred after the destruction of Flint, Mich.'s 70 year-old auto industry, as documented in the disturbing 1989 film "Roger and Me." Some suicide experts fear a rise in suicide related to our current economic downturn.
The other most common suicide victims are divorced fathers like Derrick Miller. In fact, a divorced father is 10 times more likely to commit suicide than a divorced mother, and three times more likely to commit suicide than a married father. According to Los Angeles divorce consultant Jayne Major:
"Divorced men are often devastated by the loss of their children. It's a little known fact that in the United States men initiate only a small number of the divorces involving children. Most of the men I deal with never saw their divorces coming, and they are often treated very unfairly by the family courts."
According to sociology professor Augustine Kposow of the University of California Riverside, "The link between men and their children is often severed because the woman is usually awarded custody. A man may not get to see his children, even with visitation rights. As far as the man is concerned, he has lost his marriage and lost his children and that can lead to depression and suicide."
There have been a rash of father suicides directly related to divorce and mistreatment by the family courts over the past few years. For example, New York City Police Officer Martin Romanchick, a Medal of Honor recipient, hung himself after being denied access to his children and being arrested 15 times on charges brought by his ex-wife, charges the courts deemed frivolous.
Massachusetts father Steven Cook, prevented from seeing his daughter by a protection order based upon unfounded allegations, committed suicide after he was jailed for calling his four-year-old daughter on the wrong day of the week. Darrin White, a Canadian father who was stripped of the right to see his children and was about to be jailed after failing to pay a child support award tantamount to twice his take home pay, hung himself. His 14 year-old daughter Ashlee later wrote to her nation's prime minister, saying, "this country's justice system has robbed me of one of the most precious gifts in my life, my father."
We'll never know exactly why Derrick Miller took his life and if his suicide could have been prevented. What we do know is that male suicide is one of America's most serious public health issues, and it is time to address it.
Sacks is a writer who specializes in gender issues. He can be reached via e-mail at GlennJSacks@cs.com.
Copyright 2002 Union-Tribune Publishing Co.
You will get no argument from me there. However, your love for your children had damn well better be stronger and greater than the power the government holds over you or we are all doomed.
Mercy. The reptilian brain trumps the limbic system today, doesn't it?
Can you put yourself in the father's place for a moment? You have
been told that unless you give your wife twice as much money as
you earn in income, you are going to jail. And if you manage to sell
everything have and accomplish that Sisyphean task a time or two,
if you are unable to keep it up permanently, you are going to
be locked up in the company of killers and criminals. If you
kill yourself, the state is in no way to blame? Man, talk
about blaming the victim.
Remember we're dealing with humans here. I'd prefer we do something about laws that leave father's in such a position then to shrug my shoulders and tell their children sorry your dad's love for you couldn't overcome the unreasonable demands of the court.
Wrong. I am not blaming him for the actions of his ex-wife and the courts. I am blaming him for pulling the trigger and forever robbing his children of any chance of having a father, even if it is a few years later that that is accomplished. Big difference.
LOL! I like your way better, fight the bastards every inch of the way.
A fellow in my wife's office hung himself three days ago, we were at the wake yesterday and he was buried today. Three kids under 3 made it very hard for me to sympathise with this poor soul.
So would I and there again is where I am not disagreeing with the basic premise of the piece. I know very well father's are getting royally shafted. My problem is with how this piece portrays men as helpless victims. Right now, in too many instances they are. I want to see more fighting done and less capitulating.
Even if he sat in prison the whole time?
Classic example. My fiance got his girlfriend pregnant before he left on an overseas deployment (he was in the Army). Okay, his fault. In any case, when he found out she was pregnant, he immediately did the right thing and asked her to marry him. He flew her overseas and they were married. Now, I must add here that she is a techie who has always made more than double his salary -- especially, when he was in the military. He returned briefly from deployment for the birth of his daughter and then finished out his assignment. When he returned from deployment he pulled strings to be stationed where his wife was located. However, when he returned home, his wife decided that she "didn't want to be married -- she was too independent" and she divorced him. She is a big time liberal. Then, she promptly moved to other side of the United States. Being in the Army, he did not have control to follow her and he was in no position to fight for his rights. So, he was basically stuck paying child support for a daughter that he never got to see. At one point, after he got out of the Army and into grad school, she decided she wanted him back. Probably, because she figured that he would be making a decent salary down the road. So, he tried to make it work again. However, she decided again that she didn't really want to be married. She made comments like "a truly independent woman doesn't need a man". When that didn't work out she moved again to the other side of the United States. Meanwhile, he was finishing grad school and had no income but was still paying child support and again lost all access to his daughter. He is still paying child support even though she currently makes twice his salary. He is living in a tiny one-bedrom apartment and she lives in a new home in California. She doesn't ever offer to put his daughter on a plane to come out and see him but she demands to know "when he will spend the money to fly out and see his daughter". He has been depressed and anxious about this for five years now. What has been done to him is criminal.
In this case, he's right and you're wrong (not to mention uncompassionate).
It's a damn good thing you weren't a part of the Founding Fathers. So for you it is immediate success or none at all?
Then why do you have a problem with it?
You ever tried fighting with the government?
Because up until this piece and topic, the men of this forum and Conservative men in general, are the biggest proponents of fighting tooth and nail for what is right and doing whatever is needed to accomplish that goal. Now, apparently, suicide is the only option?
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