Single and Alone for the Holidays: Report from the Front

Grumpster-"Scoop" Dumpster | 25 December, 2001 | grumpster-"Have a Happy Holiday"-Dumpster

[grumpster-dumpster]

Single and Alone for the Holidays: Report from the Front:

So anyway…there I was on this fine Christmas morning… (December 25th) coffee having been made, temperature 29 degrees, wind chill 19 degrees, humidity 96%; yet sunny and bright… Off to church for the 10:30 service and then on to “The Bishops Christmas Dinner… 12 noon to 2 pm.

I arrived at 12:17, found a parking spot almost immediately, and went into the cafeteria of a local Catholic High School where the dinner was being held.

The mix of people was unsurprising… Little Old Ladies, (my guess the youngest was about 117 years old… High school kids serving the turkey dinner …And married couples helping out. The single adults appeared to be:
a. The Bishop
b. A Priest and a few Nuns.
c. The Grumpster.

I talked with the “Chairperson” of the event…a very nice older lady of considerable girth… Oops! I mean “mirth.” She said whoever told me volunteers were not needed was wrong! I volunteered right then and there. “Oh, that’s nice…but we have things under control right now…so why don’t you just have a plate of the industrial food we’re serving.” (She did not use the word “industrial”…I threw that in for comic effect.)

I wished the Bishop a merry Christmas on his way out at 12:51, he having made the “rounds.”

I decided to leave (without the meal…but I did get a couple of cups of coffee (Generic Brand…made in the traditional 40-cup aluminum pot…with a pour spout that sticks.))

I have rushed home to report to you the following:
- No “Christmas Cheer” type refreshments were served.
- A local Proctologist was this years “Santa.”
- There were no “single adults” readily apparent.
- A whole 2 hours was allotted for the event.
- Some…not all of the High School girls were wearing “mini-skirts” (which gives some of us, who are fashion-challenged, hope for some good “eye-ball liberty” in the coming year!) - I also noticed a lot of the fathers had a worried look about them…probably just a coincidence.

Now on a more personal note: I live in an area where everything closes down at 6p.m. Christmas eve (and I mean everything…even the stop lights) and doesn’t reopen until the towns “Official After Christmas Sale” begins at the mall on Dec 26. The exception being a local Gas/Convenience Mart run by one of the local Mullahs…who has his short mother-in-law working the counter, and dressed in a Santa hat.

Here’s to a Merry Christmas for All! I gotta go see a local Imam about the price of a 6 pack of beer!

[FITZ]

I'm Jewish so being alone on Christmas doesn't bother me too much. I guess I can always convert so I can feel worse.

LOL. I'm single but with kids so I don't get to be alone for Christmas, I get to buy my own presents so I don't need to worry it won't be something I didn't want or that the other person didn't want.

[Chewbacca]

Go to the store and get you some of that 24-hr Sudafed.
I could kiss the person who invented that.
It will dry your nose out for a day and help reduce the sore throat.
Also, mix some lemon juice with water and add some sugar. Warm it in the microwave.
Hot lemon aid is very good.