Posted on 12/25/2001 11:13:20 AM PST by grumpster-dumpster
Single and Alone for the Holidays: Report from the Front:
So anyway…there I was on this fine Christmas morning… (December 25th) coffee having been made, temperature 29 degrees, wind chill 19 degrees, humidity 96%; yet sunny and bright… Off to church for the 10:30 service and then on to “The Bishops Christmas Dinner… 12 noon to 2 pm.
I arrived at 12:17, found a parking spot almost immediately, and went into the cafeteria of a local Catholic High School where the dinner was being held.
The mix of people was unsurprising… Little Old Ladies, (my guess the youngest was about 117 years old… High school kids serving the turkey dinner …And married couples helping out. The single adults appeared to be:
a. The Bishop
b. A Priest and a few Nuns.
c. The Grumpster.
I talked with the “Chairperson” of the event…a very nice older lady of considerable girth… Oops! I mean “mirth.” She said whoever told me volunteers were not needed was wrong! I volunteered right then and there. “Oh, that’s nice…but we have things under control right now…so why don’t you just have a plate of the industrial food we’re serving.” (She did not use the word “industrial”…I threw that in for comic effect.)
I wished the Bishop a merry Christmas on his way out at 12:51, he having made the “rounds.”
I decided to leave (without the meal…but I did get a couple of cups of coffee (Generic Brand…made in the traditional 40-cup aluminum pot…with a pour spout that sticks.))
I have rushed home to report to you the following:
- No “Christmas Cheer” type refreshments were served.
- A local Proctologist was this years “Santa.”
- There were no “single adults” readily apparent.
- A whole 2 hours was allotted for the event.
- Some…not all of the High School girls were wearing “mini-skirts” (which gives some of us, who are fashion-challenged, hope for some good “eye-ball liberty” in the coming year!) - I also noticed a lot of the fathers had a worried look about them…probably just a coincidence.
Now on a more personal note: I live in an area where everything closes down at 6p.m. Christmas eve (and I mean everything…even the stop lights) and doesn’t reopen until the towns “Official After Christmas Sale” begins at the mall on Dec 26. The exception being a local Gas/Convenience Mart run by one of the local Mullahs…who has his short mother-in-law working the counter, and dressed in a Santa hat.
Here’s to a Merry Christmas for All! I gotta go see a local Imam about the price of a 6 pack of beer!
(I hope I did this right!)
Good idea. You can trust him. :)
Oh boy. Why is reality so much funnier than comedy? Somebody get this to Jay Leno, pronto.
Cooked my first turkey today, to feed a tanked up father, and a near-comotosed brother! *LOL* No imminent signs of food poisoning as yet...but still early days!!!
Grab us a bottle of plonk when ye pick up the six pack! *LOL*
Cheers! :-)
I trust he remembered to wear the white cotton gloves and not the white rubber gloves.
/john (Snowtrill, if you read this, I'm just joking, really sweetie)
Thanks for the invite... Have a Restful Merry Christmas!!!
For years I've been giving away "hug" coupons (in excess of 12,000 so far). Yesterday, I started in a shopping center, and in each store that I went into, I gave the women and young ladies working one of my coupons, telling them to use them to enjoy the holidays.
I must have given out in excess of 350 yesterday, and I made a lot of ladies smile. Felt good to spread some cheer. Merry Christmas everybody.
Well, spending money on Christmas presents can sometimes feel like a prostate cancer exam...
What a great idea!!!
Unfortunately, the grumpster is at the point in his life where "hugs" are not enough...so he will take your suggestion and modify the terminology a little...and will probably be spending next year with the other guys in the cell-block.. LOL!
How about posting a copy of your "Hug" coupon? I realy think it's a great idea!
You can't imagine how nice a day spent quietly with no demands sounds right about now. Whew, I'd like a tall beer with a joint right now if I drank beer and smoked pot. I'll just settle for an aspirin and a pop and a few minutes on FR.
(Industrial food) LOL
Every one of the cold "remedies" I have in the house have side effects, outside of the fact that they don't even really work at what they're supposed to do. So I have an excruciating sore throat, runny nose, watery eyes and can't sleep and am thirsty. So I tried Theraflu this afternoon (just noticed it on the shelf), hoping for some relief and wound up sleeping on and off through "Miracle on 34th Street." Luckily, AMC is playing this movie for 24 hours so I got to catch up on the parts I slept through.
I never used to pay attention to "warning labels" but now I do, so the only thing that can get me through one of these hideous sieges, i.e., booze, I look at and think "you'll need a liver transplant. You're not Micky Mantle. You won't go to the head of the class. You will die of liver failure."
Lest this sounds too depressing, I'm Jewish so being alone on Christmas doesn't bother me too much. I guess I can always convert so I can feel worse.
PLEASE DO NOT REPY TO THIS THREAD...FOLLOW THE LINK TO THE ORIGINAL AND POST COMMENT'S THERE. I SHOULD NOT HAVE STARTED A WHOLE NEW THREAD...SO APOLOGIES TO ALL."
As your punishment for posting to this thread...instead of the original...I'm not going to close the "bold tag!"
You see! I mean it!
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.