Single and Alone or the Holidays

self ^ | 23 December 2001 | grumpster"Ho,Ho, Ho" dumpster

[grumpster-dumpster]

For many single adults, the Christmas Season is a “personally uncomfortable” time of the year. The loneliness factor seems to grow by leaps and bounds… all the gift giving and “Holiday Spirit” and the general party mood can actually be quite overwhelming to the singe adult.

Now, normally I try to view life with a non-serious eye. I think it’s better to laugh at folly than be trampled by it. But this year was somewhat different…This year I discovered an active resistance to organizing a get-together for adults to share Christmas in a non-threatening, casual environment… Just a nice party where single Christians could all meet and socialize…maybe have a “pot-luck,” BYOB, hire a “DJ” and exchange small (under $5) gifts to one another on Christmas afternoon.

It’s absolutely unbelievable the amount of non-cooperation I received from the churches in my area. (I’m Catholic…but my idea was for a non-denominational event.)

- The Baptist’s said they couldn’t be part of any event where liquor was allowed…besides they had already invited the single members to share Christmas day with other families (Just what a single wants to do…sit around and watch someone else’s kids open presents.)

- The Methodist’s said they already hold an event for the singles…turns out to be a “youth-group” function (Just what a single adult wants to do…sit around with a 20 year-old discussing his/her weighty insights into life.)

- The Lutheran’s hold a “prayer/home-alone” dinner…with assistance from the “Youth-Group” so no booze allowed. (Another “winner” for the single adult…let’s toast good-cheer with Dr. Pepper.)

- The Catholic Church said : “It will interfere with the Bishop’s dinner he hold’s every year for people alone.” I learned that this dinner is for “the poor” (meaning bums in the area). Undaunted, I tried to volunteer to help out at the event but was told the “volunteers” would be high-school kids (I was in high-school 30 years ago…so I didn’t make the cut.)

Now don’t get me wrong…I’m not complaining about these churches trying to help out needy families, kid’s, the homeless, or whatever by having their own programs at Christmas and throughout the year… God bless them for their outpouring of love and generosity!

But; I am complaining about the way Churches treat single adults… Look, we’re not asking for money, or sympathy, or even for a “free meal”…but do you have to reject our willingness to volunteer and help out (Just try to be a single adult man and ask Mrs. Goodness N. Sweetness what you can bring to the “pot-luck!” She’ll probably tell you either “Nothing! Just Yourself.” Or worse; “Oh, just bring some soda or ice, maybe a bag of chips… Anything that will make you “feel” like your part of the family…which your not, of course…)
Can’t we just get an unused room to hold a get-together? And would it be too much trouble to “spread-the-word” about this event to the single adults in the congregation?

This is an open invitation for Single, Divorced, or Widowed Freepers, who are spending the Holiday’s alone to comment. What are your plans? Why aren’t you doing anything…or what are you going to do? Are you looking forward to Christmas and New Years day with the “family?” Would you prefer to be doing something else? Do your churches hold any events for single adults? Do your suggestions or initiatives get rejected by your church?

I would really like to know I there are any of you out there who are just as frustrated at the “lip-service” singles get…especially at this time of the year!

In all sincerity (really!): I wish each of you a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.

[grumpster-dumpster]

Thanks for asking! I'll be spending some quality time at Denny's enjoying the special.

No...I'm going to the bishops dinner to try and corner him and find out why all the resistance to "Employed, Single, Adults?" (Shoud I wear a tie?)

[isthisnickcool]

Try the Yellow Pages under escort services?

Just kidding. Keep on trying. There must be singles events you have just not found. No matter what, I hope you have some happiness this holiday. I'll keep you in my prayers.

[Libertarianize the GOP]

bump

[grumpster-dumpster]

Thanks for the reply...I intend to get this done next year...I didn't start working on this project until the week prior to Thanksgiving... believe me, the resistance is real! And, since I'm not much interested in being around non-Christian', bar-hoppin "swingers" ... I went to the churches in the area...no joy for grumpster this time around.

[Heartlander]

The Lutheran’s hold a “prayer/home-alone” dinner…with assistance from the “Youth-Group” so no booze allowed. (Another “winner” for the single adult…let’s toast good-cheer with Dr. Pepper.)

Oh, trust me... there is booze allowed.
I hope everything works out any you have a Merry Christmas no matter how you celebrate.

[ken5050]

Christmas is about being with family, more than parties and gifts, and the attendant hoopla...Most single people are generally with family, or close friends.....in that regard, they are not alone.....

[lowbridge]

bump

[Nea Wood]

I think your idea is excellent, and it's a shame you met with such resistance. I'm single, and I would have loved to attend an event like that. Sometimes I spend Christmas with other single friends. We're all in the same boat, so to speak. Here in Southern Calif., almost everyone is from somewhere else originally, so many of us are away from our families. Sometimes my friends have gone out of town to be with their families for the holidays, so I have spent Christmas alone. I did not feel the least bit sorry for myself at those times...it was actually very nice and peaceful! When I do spend Christmas alone, I don't tell others of my plans because they immediately become very worried and sympathetic and "insist" that I come spend Christmas with their family because "no one should be alone at Christmas." They mean well, but as you mentioned, Grumpster, the single person invited to be with a family is not REALLY a part of that family and often feels awkward, or like a charity case. Sometimes I'd just rather be alone and have a quiet, peaceful day by myself.

Anyway, your idea is a great one. Keep trying, and maybe you can make it happen next year for those Illinois singles! (P.S. Your profile page is hilarious.)

[teletech]

The Lutheran’s hold a “prayer/home-alone” dinner…with assistance from the “Youth-Group” so no booze allowed. (Another “winner” for the single adult…let’s toast good-cheer with Dr. Pepper.)

Oh, trust me... there is booze allowed. I hope everything works out any you have a Merry Christmas no matter how you celebrate.

I was beginning to wonder what kind of Lutheran he was talking about. I'm LCMS Lutheran and believe you me when I tell you we know how to P A R T Y!

Merry Christmas and Happy new year to all! HO HO HO!

[lowbridge]

What are your plans?

Nuthin'

Why aren’t you doing anything…or what are you going to do?

Gonna sit home and watch movies on the good ol' VCR. (Damn cable company went and shut off my cable)

Are you looking forward to Christmas and New Years day with the “family?”

No.

Would you prefer to be doing something else?

Absolutely. Like having a wife and kids of my own to share the holidays with.

Do your churches hold any events for single adults? Do your suggestions or initiatives get rejected by your church?

I'm Jewish. When I suggested decorating the place with a nice christmas tree, holly, wreaths, stockings on the mantlepiece, they threw me out of the synagogue.

[gcruse]

Most single people are generally
with family, or close friends....

I don't know about most, but I'm not.

[Mulder]

When I do spend Christmas alone, I don't tell others of my plans because they immediately become very worried and sympathetic and "insist" that I come spend Christmas with their family because "no one should be alone at Christmas." They mean well, but as you mentioned, Grumpster, the single person invited to be with a family is not REALLY a part of that family and often feels awkward, or like a charity case. Sometimes I'd just rather be alone and have a quiet, peaceful day by myself.

I agree 100%. I got invited over to a friend's house for Christmas dinner, but declined since it just didn't feel right. They have kids, and if I was a kid I wouldn't want strangers over on Christmas Day.

[TexanaRED]

I don't know where you live, but if you live anywhere near me, you can come to my house Christmas night. My girlfriend and I will be getting together and are inviting everyone we know that either doesn't have family or for some reason is not spending Christmas with their family. Thus far, it's only the two of us!

My family is not having Christmas until next weekend when all the kids can come home so I am going to work Christmas day. It seems I have always had to work Christmas. The times when I haven't been working on Christmas day and the family has Christmas either the weekend before or after, I have been thankful just to have the day to myself.

I do know what you mean about churches not having much for single adults - at Christmas or any other time as far as that goes. I don't really know why that is. It would sure help alot of single folks that really get "the blues" during the holidays.

For those pot luck events, don't ask what you can bring, just whip up something wonderful and go!

BTW, I love your FReeper name!

[hillsborofox]

Single and alone for the holidays sounds pretty good from where I sit, having to make nicey-nice with my horrible, hateful in-laws... .

[Mayor Of Simpleton]

I would really like to know I there are any of you out there who are just as frustrated at the “lip-service” singles get…especially at this time of the year!

Well, as a single guy, I couldn't agree more. In fact, I'm glad I have to work on Christmes Day. Not only will I get paid double time-and-a-half, I will also be the only one working at the station that day, which means no "suits" coming in to tell me how to do my job.

After work, since my son is stationed out in CT, and my daughter will be with her mom, I guess I'll just hang out at home.

[Heartlander]

Amen brother, sometimes I need to go out with the non-believers to sober up... Just kidding!

But we all should know that it is not our place to judge. Life is a gift - open it up!

Merry Christmas!

[kellynla]

Don't know how far you are from Chicago but I can hook you up for Christmas...and if you are ever in L.A. I've got a couple of Puerto Rican girls just dying to meet cha...Semper Fi

[Jhoffa_]

But; I am complaining about the way Churches treat single adults…

ROFL, try being a Single, DIVORCED (gassssp!) adult and you will quickly discover that it does indeed get worse.

Churches and their functions are of no value what-so-ever to divorced individuals. Like you have a scarlet "V" on your forehead or something.

Then they whine about attendance and the average age of the congregation increasing, slowly spelling doom.

[grumpster-dumpster]

Beieve me, my family in California is way too liberal to spend time with...they also like to control every aspect of the "get-together" (including the # of beers you can have)!

lowbridge: LOL! It's a shame about the synogogue folks...next year try a "Kwanza" decor...see if that flys!

[DCPatriot]

Don't take the non-receptive response personally.

Asking your circle-of-influence to plan a get-together on XMAS is tantamount to planning a Thanksgiving Day Dinner for the homeless.

Enjoy all the experience of the loneliness. it just makes the highs so much better!