Posted on 12/20/2001 4:39:20 AM PST by frmrda
Question for Freeper Parents - My wife and I have a 3 year old who is beginning to explore his boundaries. As with every child that includes doing what he is told not to, throwing fits of rage when he doesn't get his way, etc. My wife and I beleive he is now old enough to be spanked when he does not listen and starts trying to do his own thing.
However, my wife, who was not spanked as a child, brought up an interesting question. My son is in the stage where he sometimes shows anger by hitting. We always tell him this is wrong and punish him for it. What do we tell him when he asks why it is OK for us to spank him, but not OK for him to hit.
Granted the right answer to this is "Because I'm the parent". That would be explanation enough for an older child to understand but I don't think a a 3 year old (who is very perceptive) will comprehend that explanation. When I was spanked I never asked that question, mainly out of fear. But it is a good question. Now mind you, this will not stop me from spanking but I just want to see if anyone else had this dilema and how it was solved.
And for all you anti-spanking Nazi's I'm not abusing my son. He will be told before being spanked why he's getting it, will only get one swat on the butt (my father told me when I was older that if you give the kid more than one swat you are doing it for yourself, and not for the education of the child, which is the purpose), and after it is over I tell him I love him and did it because he had to learn a lesson.
Any responses. Thanks in advance.
1. Never spank with your bare hand... you may accidentally hurt yourself.
2. Never use a flimsy yard stick to spank with… Always use something that will not break and cut short the punishment,
3. Never limit your target area to the buttocks since the head upper torso are also good places to hit.
4. Never hit the facial area but the back of the head is good since hair covers most marks.
5. Use a coat hanger whenever possible as it will not break.
6. Hitting bare skin is preferable.
7. Heating the coat hanger with the stove occasionally will make up for a weak arm.
8. Never stop just because the kid is crying but because you are tired.
9. Always spank in a locked room to avoid witnesses.
10. When people inquire always say “He/She fell”.
Always remember what good you have done for your child as your sitting in your cell.
I love it!! You bring up a good point. Admitting that you're wrong is a critical part of parenting, and one that still does not come easily for me.
Children MUST be brought up to know that there is a punishment for doing wrong! Having someone disappointed in you is an important event when the disappointment is from someone you love. But often people don't care what a stranger thinks. If we depend on disciplining our children by showing them how disappointed we are in them, it may keep them in line for now. But what about later? A good tool yes, a predominant or singular tool.... no.
Tobasco is a bit much. I've only used the soap once....that's the only time I ever had to use it. Usually a "glare" from me is all it takes...it works on all the males in my house. (I'm the only female). ;-)
(B) "God tells me if I do not spank you, it is because I do not love you. And I do love you. You have to learn that it does not pay to disobey."
Don't have a lengthy discussion with a 3 year old- can YOU remember anything from when you were 3 years old???
"Because I'm your Parent' is not only perfectly acceptable answer for a 3 year it is also the CORRECT answer...
After a couple of times learning that undesirable behavior gets a crack on the butt and/or IMMEDIATE sentence to their bedroom, they will stop.
And the number of minutes in their bedroom shall be the number of minutes as their age times the number of times they repeat the same mistake...
And take my workd for it- you would MUCH rather he gets corrected at 3 than at 13-
I agree and I think you are going the right way about it, I was really just reminiscing.
You could say for me getting spanked was the easy way out.
Cheers Tony
That's a bunch of garbage.
As a matter of fact, they are each sitting in different rooms right now, because they were fighting with each other. (They are off for the Christmas holidays). I set the timer for 1/2 hour...they keep peeking out to see if "it's time yet"...and yelling to each other that "they are sorry"...it's hysterical, but hey....I'm getting the laundry done. *grins*
Works for me ;) Heading to bed now; gnite.
My only fear is that she will learn to like it. The other thing that works is to take away toys. Don't want to listen? Well, say goodbye to Barbie...still don't want to listen? What do you want to lose next? Usually works. For particularly eggregious situatuions, where soap, or the threat of the loss of toys fails, we take away her favorite teddybear, a bear that goes everywhere with her... the fear of losing this bear, even for a short time, is enough to make her stop. She'll pout, and stew in her own juices for a while, but at least we don't have to deal with crap from her.
Each kid is different. You have to find what works on yours. Spanking doesn't always work. Sometimes it teaches the kid to respond to situations with hitting. Sometimes it doesn't. It depends on how you administer the punishment. My father had a very effectivee tool. He made this paddle, sort of like a fraternity paddle, and hung it on the wall. That alone was enough to keep us in line.
Huh-huh, he said spanking, Beavis.
Everyone has a purpose in life. But once your child is born, that purpose immediately becomes Mother or Father. I think that fatherhood is and will be the most important thing I ever do. I know I'll make mistakes, I just hope they are small and the I get the big ones right.
Thanks again Tony! And everyone else as well!
Prove it.
Dan
I point out to my children that they never see me spanking anyone else's child. They never see me hit anyone else, including my sister. They never saw their Daddy hit me. Nor will they see me telling my adult friends to remove their elbows from the table, or to say "please". Similarly, they are expected not to hit or correct others, except their own children, using reasonable discipline and for good cause, when they are parents.
By the way, I quit using physical discipline when my sons told me their spankings didn't hurt- about age 8-9 yrs. They remain relatively easy to discipline. They learned as little ones to voice their disagreements politely, and I learned to listen. Back talk rarely occurs, and when it does, it results in chores or severe restrictions (TV, electronics). I reward their respect with returned respect. Isn't that what we all wanted as adolescents? It's a huge incentive.
I think that the right answer is that there is a difference betwen striking out in anger and punishment. Of course, a three year old will not understand that.
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