Spanking is for sissies.
That ought to bring them out of the woodwork. LOL
Posted on 12/20/2001 4:39:20 AM PST by frmrda
Question for Freeper Parents - My wife and I have a 3 year old who is beginning to explore his boundaries. As with every child that includes doing what he is told not to, throwing fits of rage when he doesn't get his way, etc. My wife and I beleive he is now old enough to be spanked when he does not listen and starts trying to do his own thing.
However, my wife, who was not spanked as a child, brought up an interesting question. My son is in the stage where he sometimes shows anger by hitting. We always tell him this is wrong and punish him for it. What do we tell him when he asks why it is OK for us to spank him, but not OK for him to hit.
Granted the right answer to this is "Because I'm the parent". That would be explanation enough for an older child to understand but I don't think a a 3 year old (who is very perceptive) will comprehend that explanation. When I was spanked I never asked that question, mainly out of fear. But it is a good question. Now mind you, this will not stop me from spanking but I just want to see if anyone else had this dilema and how it was solved.
And for all you anti-spanking Nazi's I'm not abusing my son. He will be told before being spanked why he's getting it, will only get one swat on the butt (my father told me when I was older that if you give the kid more than one swat you are doing it for yourself, and not for the education of the child, which is the purpose), and after it is over I tell him I love him and did it because he had to learn a lesson.
Any responses. Thanks in advance.
It seems as though using spanking as a final punishment has not improved her behavior to date. My daughter is quite spirited as well, and seems to not have any problem breaking boundries over and over again. My wife and I discussed this and have come to the conlusion that, in our case, a different tactic may be necessary.
We had been focusing on correcting her behaviour and were often on the lookout for poor behavior. We realized that perhaps a more positive approach may be necessary. I'm no mamby-pampy liberal and don't believe in positive reinforcement! In life, you don't get rewarded for doing what you should do... you are just allowed to keep surviving. So I wouldn't call what we are doing as positive reinforcement. We just try to focus on praising good behavior WHILE keeping an eye out for the poor behavior. This has, over the course of just 1 week, improved our daughter's actions. She is still reprimanded for outbursts just as she was before, with the addition of sitting on a chair in the corner as a new punishment. We are hoping that this will lead her to a decision to behave better because of 2 positives. 1)she won't get punished 2) Mommy and Daddy are happier with her. It seems to be working so far but we know very well that our child will take a great deal of patience to correct her behavior.
My only suggestion would be that spanking be reserved for certain misbehaviors. We haven't tried this ourselves yet but I think it may help. Escelating to spanking from other punishments hasn't helped us. Like mouthing off gets a time out, continue mouthing off during time-out gets a spanking. Perhaps making a spanking the automatic punishment for the worst behavior, like hitting, may be better at the 3 year age. I don't think my daughter really understands the escalation in punishment.
Hope this helps. I think that parents should not follow a book or the advice of others in regards to punishing their children (although both may give you ideas). We should, however, have a similar opinion on what good behavior is. But, each child is different and will respond differently to various approaches. And there is only one way to figure out how to properly raise your children...
PAY ATTENTION TO THEM!
Best of luck!
I believe a spanking should be administered if the situation calls for it.
I also believe a hug should also be administered when the situation calls for it.
Its true what they say it hurts you more than it does them.
Tony
I was never spanked as a child (although my Mom used to chase me around the house with a wooden spoon)and my parents always found some kind of way to get their point across.
I am in full support of anyone who chooses to discipline thier child this way (my rule of thumb for abuse is "never do anything to a child that can get you arrested or sued (legitimately) if you did it to an adult"), but I will argue that you can raise happy well adjusted and disciplined children without doing it.
Sorry, I shouldn't have lashed out at you, but what you said brought up a bit of a sore spot.
Got your kid in daycare?
Maybe anger management counseling might be good before you begin spanking. If a simple thing as a helpful word on a forum board sets you off, I wonder what will happen when something critical happens at home at the hands of your offspring.
Cheers.
< /ignore>
That ought to bring them out of the woodwork. LOL
I prefer this to physical punishment for a simple reason. When the kid gets to be a teenager, the threat of physical/grounding punishment is only a factor when there is a chance of getting caught. Not wanting to dissapoint her/his parents guides them through these rough years.
I think I gave the wrong impression that we are at our wits end. We're not. He's starting to respond to the time-outs, etc, and know that if he gets out of control or won't listen he has a consequence. My question was the very narrow issue of the charge of being a "hypocrite" for disciplining him for hitting but then spanking.
I think spanking should only be used as a last resort. The reason we didn't use it before is because he may not have been able to grasp why we were doing it. He could now,and we are going to use it as another tool to discipline.
This was our experience too.
I couldn't agree more. I have this on my refrigerator as a daily reminder to myself to choose my words to my girls very carefully. What an adult can allow to roll off their back can crush a child's spirit.
"Just a few simple words can determine a person's life."
Then you need to have another child. Everyone needs one who constantly has them at their wit's ends. It's humbling as all hell.
But having someone disappointed in a child is in NO WAY enough of a punishment to rely on to properly teach children right from wrong and the consequences of their actions. It IS a great tool though. As a child I knew that my parents would be disappointed with me AND I'd get punished when I did wrong. That raised me to be a considerate AND law-abiding citizen. Being considerate is due to not wanting to disappoint another, thanks to my upbringing. Law-abiding is due to knowing that there are punishments for wrong doing.
I've never heard of a judge sentencing a guilty individual by simply saying that he/she was disappointed in them. We must keep in mind that we are not only trying to keep our kids in line with our moral requirements, but we are also preparing them for life in society.
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