Posted on 12/14/2001 3:21:12 PM PST by Dr. Octagon
I also agree that we need to go back to fault divorce, and that if fault is proven, that faulting party will be penalized in the property division as well as custody determinations. It would make a lot of peopel think twice before they throw the towel in (so to speak).
If you're familiar with the proposed (draconian) new bankruptcy laws, debtors have to go to financial counseling before filing for bankruptcy. Same thing should go for divorce, although I know that if one party wants out, most times all the counseling in the world won't help. Regardless, divorce should be difficult to obtain; there are adequate protections for women in abusive relationships today so that that won't be as big of an issue.
Pretty much.
From this shrink's perspective:
essentially:
Certainly poor parenting of the parents by THEIR parents plays a huge part . . . but that's often been too much modeling of SELFISHNESS and PRIDE as much as anything else.
I don't mean at all to be disagreeable, because I represent/have represented many fathers who seek custody of their children. It just appears to me that most mothers are better with the younger children than the fathers. Believe me, there are two fathers whom I am fighting like hell for in order to get their kids (one is particularly disgusting, where at a temporary hearing the fat pig accused my client of raping her, sexually abusing the kids, using drugs, and beating her - no police reports, and she didn't telll her mother, who testified, any of this), and they are clearly better than the mothers in these situations. I'm open to believing that I'm biased after looking at my own situation and that of my family (we married good women, what can I say).
Don't mean to pry, but any personal experience?
Good for you. :o)
M.S.A. § 518.17. Custody and support of children on judgment
Subdivision 1. The best interests of the child. (a) "The best interests of the child" means all relevant factors to be considered and evaluated by the court including:
(1) the wishes of the child's parent or parents as to custody;
(2) the reasonable preference of the child, if the court deems the child to be of sufficient age to express preference;
(3) the child's primary caretaker;
(4) the intimacy of the relationship between each parent and the child;
(5) the interaction and interrelationship of the child with a parent or parents, siblings, and any other person who may significantly affect the child's best interests;
(6) the child's adjustment to home, school, and community;
(7) the length of time the child has lived in a stable, satisfactory environment and the desirability of maintaining continuity;
(8) the permanence, as a family unit, of the existing or proposed custodial home;
(9) the mental and physical health of all individuals involved; except that a disability, as defined in section 363.01, of a proposed custodian or the child shall not be determinative of the custody of the child, unless the proposed custodial arrangement is not in the best interest of the child;
(10) the capacity and disposition of the parties to give the child love, affection, and guidance, and to continue educating and raising the child in the child's culture and religion or creed, if any;
(11) the child's cultural background;
(12) the effect on the child of the actions of an abuser, if related to domestic abuse, as defined in section 518B.01, that has occurred between the parents or between a parent and another individual, whether or not the individual alleged to have committed domestic abuse is or ever was a family or household member of the parent; and
(13) except in cases in which a finding of domestic abuse as defined in section 518B.01 has been made, the disposition of each parent to encourage and permit frequent and continuing contact by the other parent with the child. The court may not use one factor to the exclusion of all others. The primary caretaker factor may not be used as a presumption in determining the best interests of the child. The court must make detailed findings on each of the factors and explain how the factors led to its conclusions and to the determination of the best interests of the child.
(b) The court shall not consider conduct of a proposed custodian that does not affect the custodian's relationship to the child.
In Minnesota, most of these situations are resolved prior to a trial with a guardian ad litem/custody evaluator peforming a custody investigation based upon these factors and making a recommendation to the court. Works pretty well.
Regarding visitation, I have conflicting thoughts. While I know how important it is for a child to have both parents present in their life, for many reasons not the least being so the child knows their parent loves them and they are not rejected, many cases of visitation disputes I'm involved in occur because the younger child typically will not want to leave the parent they're with, and when they do go visit the other parent, the first few days after visitation are spent "coming down" from the visit. I absolutley believe that a 50-50 split (alternating weeks being the most popular) is not at all good for children. They have no stability in their home, which is very important, and their bonding with both parents suffers. It's a problem with no solution, I fear, other than parents being able to stay together. That's why that recent study which stated that children are better off in homes with troubled marriages than being in tranquil homes with a divorced parent.
Mr. nopardons and I were married in 1967 ... that'll be 35 happy, wonderful, faithful years come May. Our wedding reception was at TAVERN ON THE GREEN, in N.Y.C. and was fantasic, great fun, and EXPENSIVE. Two week honeymoon in London , theatre almost every night, shopping, magic memories. He and I have ALWAYS had expensive tastes, saved for whatever we wanted and never bought what we couldn't afford to pay for at that moment, never bought anything just to be " IN ", but because WE wanted whatever we have purchased. Neither " hard times " ( everyone has them ! ) , death of family members, illnesses, nor anything else has shaken our love, devotion, and commitment to each other. We were best friends back then, and best friends to this day.
Just look at the comments, on this thread and others, by males ! No, you are NOT men ! You are little boys , saying that girls are evil, and or talking about never marrying, having sex but no marriage, and whinging about women being " gold diggers", emasculating ( the old " toothed vagina " fears ) sluts, etc. WHO WOULD EVEN WANT YOU GUYS ? GROW UP!
And , for you who indulge in " hate / reveile the rich " persifage, get over it. There is NOTHING " noble " in being poor or middle calss, and NOTHING inherintly " evil " in being wealthy.
onyx, FYI
The answer to the original question is three words:
NO FAULT divorces.
And ever will.
And respond I hope!
Salutations,
Doc
P.S. Check this out even if it's a while before you're back online. It's worth responding to.
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.