How does one cope with the loss of a Wife from suicide?

Self

[SunnyUsa]

bttt

[SCalGal]

My sincere sympathy for your and your daughter's loss.

[my_pointy_head_is_sharp]

Thank goodness you have your daughter to get you through this. I don't know what you told your 3-year-old (maybe that Mommy was sick), but that must have been the hardest thing you ever did. Do you have a pediatrician that you could talk to, to get advice for your daughter's mental health? This is a terrible tragedy, Doug. I can only offer my deepest sympathy. I hope you get strength from your family, your friends, and especially your daughter.

[FITZ]

I'm very sorry for you losing your wife and the mother of you child this way. You can't worry about gossip or what people will think or say, they'll think and say what they want, there's nothing you can do about them, they obviously don't know and someday sadly they too will suffer some kind of tragedy and then they will know.

A co-worker of mine went through the suicide of her sister who was unable to find happiness in her life in spite of a very caring husband and 3 healthy and good children. Also many people commit suicide slowly and indirectly through drugs or alcohol. It's impossible to ever know what it was like to be that person or know what they were thinking. We all die but it seems some feel the need to choose the time and place themselves.

[BluesDuke]

For whatever it is worth, keep your children as close to you as you can without suffocating or otherwise stifling their individuality and independence. Let them never think anything but loving about the mother they have lost, and let none ever think of trying to assign even a shard of blame upon them for the loss. And most of all, never blame yourself, you could do nothing to prevent this tragedy. I can sense how deeply you loved your wife, and how severely you must miss her. Above all, do not shut yourself off from those who also love you and would look out for you. And never let anyone blame you for this tragedy, either. You may come to know and understand what drove your wife to such despair; you may never come to know it. Just keep her in your heart and in your children's hearts, and the best of her will never be far away from you. In the language of my people, shalom, chaver. Peace, my friend.

[mlocher]

peace to you. my heart and prayers go to you and your family.

do you attend church? do you have a support group? has your 3 year old regressed? counseling for her? for you? pick up your bible. spend time with your daughter. talk to people. accept help.

[mlocher]

bump

[vetvetdoug]

I have my marching orders, Thanks to each and everyone that helped. God Bless You...

[Concentrate]

How did she die?

[Concentrate]

I lost a very good friend a few years back who drank and ate a bottle of pills. It was terrible for me for quite a while and your situation reminds me of it. A lot of people think about suicide from time to time, and I don't think they're sick, necessarily. Life can be hard and some decide not to tolerate it. What can you do?

My experience is that lot's of people don't even consider suicide at all in their lives. We all know these people. Those are the people you should hang out with. I hope this helps.

BTW, stay FAR away from psychologists, and especially psychiatrists.

[Dubya]

Praying for you and your loved ones. God bless all of you.

[WVNan]

You have been given some very sound advice from many good people. Remember that all grieving begins in the arms of God. May you find your answers and your strength there.

[connectthedots]

Doug, please understandthat there is nothing you could have done to prevent it. I might suggest a book for you that does not deal directly with suicide, but could go a long way to explain what goes on inside the head of someone who doesn't know how to be happy. It's called "Happiness is a Choice" by Minerth and Meier. I'm sure you loved her unconditionally, and so did many others. The problem is that even if loved unconditionally, it makes no difference if the object of that unconditional love does not "experience it".

I am so sorry for this devastating loss in the lives of you, your daughter and all your wife's loved ones. May God be with you in your time of grief.

[barker]

You have FReep mail.

[Ragin1]

Pray. Tell Him the truth. Tell Him if you blame him. Tell Him your sorrow, anger, whatever, just tell Him.
Do it daily. Be in constant communion with Him.

Take your extreme anger out on a punching bag. Get a set of weights and work out.

Do not try to make your child understand. If you don't understand, can you really explain it to her?
Just love and support and teach her as you planned.

Use any support groups out there. Sure it's a crutch. Sure it won't replace the love you and yours have lost. Just remember, in these groups you will find good people who have gone through the same thing. If you stick with it, one day you will find yourself talking with them about what you are doing, and what you plan to do, not what you have lost.

Stay away from the mood alterers. They rob the very spirituality that is needed for restoration.

You can do this.

[healey22]

I am very sorry for your loss and I know how devastating it can be. My father suffered from depression and killed himself. There is nothing you could of done to help her. My mother was convinced she could save my father. I remember her getting down on her knees and begging him to get better. He was not there mentally - there was just a blank gaze in his eyes. It was awful. It is a very real disease and I am sure your wife did not mean to hurt you or your daughter. In fact I know she didn't, depression is a horrible condition, you cannot just snap out of it because someone says so. No matter what you see on those tv commercials, not everybody responds to medication. Keep your daughter close and spend time with people you care about. Do not lock yourself away from people. If need be get some professional help.

[kayak]

You have my very sincere sympathies!

I lost a dearly beloved brother-in-law this way 33 years ago last week. That's not the same as losing a spouse but it still hurt so deeply. As others have said, you will experience a range of emotions ..... anger, guilt, grief, denial, frustration .... so many more. That's natural ...... not to feel those things would be a concern. But it's important to work through each stage and not get stuck before you reach acceptance. That's where counseling can help ..... whether it's a support group, talking with a pastor, talking with a therapist, or whatever.

As far as any gossip ... just ignore it. You are probably feeling like there is much more of that than there really is. People who know you will only be grieving with you and concerned for you. The others are very petty people who don't matter at all.

Be open to those who reach out to you. They really do want to help .... let them. Reassure your daughter as much as you can. Love her and hug her and tell her how much you love her ..... but don't smother her.

May God be with you and your daughter and give you comfort! You will be in my prayers!

[JohnHuang2]

So sorry to hear this. My heartfelt condolences to you. And my prayers.

kayak, thanks for alerting me to this thread. I would have never seen it.

[blondee123]

i'm very sorry for your loss, but as one who suffers from depression, i can tell you that nothing makes sense to a person suffering. no one person or family or anything else can make you want to stay & suffer. it's hard to explain, you cannot understand it til you've lived it & i don't wish it on anyone. the new medicines help alot, but i have friends who are treatment resistant & fight the suicide urge daily. one who has been in treatment (meds & therapy) for 10 years. she has 3 beautiful grandchildren & when her depression gets really out of control, i can use every argument in the book & none of it can take away her inner pain. the inner pain is what does us in. it is like an emptiness that nothing and no one can fill. i hope some of this gives you a little insight to try to understand that no one is to blame in a situation like this.

[blondee123]

email me if you ever feel the need for a site where there are compassionate people who understand & are willing to just listen if you need that.