Posted on 11/27/2001 9:11:11 PM PST by ChemistCat
My Mom had knee replacement surgery today and they have her leg hooked up to a machine that is going to move it for her all night long. I have no idea why she's being subjected to THAT torture; it must be necessary though. Despite substantial pain meds, she's pretty miserable.
Since laughter is a powerful curative agent, I'm seeking the funniest jokes out there; hopefully by tomorrow she'll be able to try to distract herself from the pain! One good thing is that she seems to be unable to remember anything that happened five minutes ago, so she can get a lot of mileage out of a few good jokes!
I might add that she is not religious, and many jokes that will offend ME will not offend her in the least. Don't risk being banned though! These are for her, not for me. THANK YOU for jokes, and prayers if you have them too.
I might add that she's VERY much a conservative Republican politically, and shares the FReeper point of view even if she doesn't FReep.
there once was a man from Nantucket......
A fine story!
About 5 AM, Carol woke me up crying and looking at me real strange.
I knew I had disappointed her in some way, so I asked “Honey, what is wrong?”.
She replied “Look only one night and we used it all up”.
I rose to the occasion!
One day, an Indian went to the whorehouse and knocked on the door. The madam came out and asked him what he wanted.
“Me want get ****ed”, he said.
She looked at him and said “Have you done this before?”
“Me no ****”, he replied.
She said “My advice to you is to go out in the woods and find a tree with a knothole and practice on that for a while. Then, when you get real good, come on back.”
“OK, me practice” he said.
A few months later, he went back to the whorehouse and knocked on the door. The madam came out and asked him what he wanted.
“Me want get ****ed”, he said.
“Oh, yeah, I remember you. Did you practice?”
“Me practice” he said.
So, she let him in and sent him upstairs to one of the rooms. A few minutes later she heard a terrible scream. She ran up the stairs and flung open the door, and there was the Indian working on the girl with a broomstick.
“What the hell are you doing?” she yelled.
“Me check for bees!”
A Somali arrives in Minneapolis as a new immigrant to the United States. He stops the first person he sees walking down the street and says, “Thank you Mr. American for letting me in this country, giving me housing, food stamps, free medical care, and free education!”
The passerby says, “You are mistaken, I am Mexican.”
The man goes on and encounters another passerby. “Thank you for having such a beautiful country here in America !”
The person says, “I not American, I Vietnamese.”
The new arrival walks further, and the next person he sees he stops, shakes his hand and says, “Thank you for the wonderful America !”
That person puts up his hand and says, “I am from Middle East, I am not American!”
He finally sees a nice lady and asks, “Are you an American?”
She says, “No, I am from Africa!”
Puzzled, he asks her, “Where are all the Americans?”
The African lady checks her watch and says...”Probably at work.”
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