HALF-MAN, HALF-DINOSAUR: "FIND ME A WOMAN BEFORE I EXPLODE!"

WWN (the pinnacle of reliable news!) ^

[Sir Gawain]

WASHINGTON - A bizarre half-man, half-dinosaur captured in the Peruvian rain forest back in 1996 is begging scientists "for a woman," and says if he doesn't get one soon, "I'll explode"!

And because the strange creature is said to be both super-sensitive and super-moody, the woman chosen to satisfy his physical needs will have to be, in the words of one researcher, "exceptionally patient and understanding, willing to put up with his bizarre and often extreme moods, and also able to endure his strange, sawdust-like smell."

"Ordinarily we'd be hesitant to even reveal the existence of this creature," continues the source, one of 11 scientists who are said to be observing the creature in an unidentified research center in northern Michigan.

"But we're becoming very concerned about him. We're afraid if he doesn't find a mate soon, he'll die."

The source, who spoke to a handful of trusted reporters on condition of anonymity, says the creature - playfully dubbed "Dino Man" by scientists - has several traits that would appeal to "just about any woman," including:

• He's a good listener, although it is often unclear how much of what he listens to he actually understands.
• He's reasonably intelligent, consistently scoring 80 to 85 on intelligence tests, which is just slightly below average for humans.
• He is bilingual and speaks Spanish and English on the level of a 10-year-old child.
• He has excellent posture, a muscular body and the reflexes of an athlete.
• But there are, continues the source, a few negative points. Among them:
• He has reptilian skin.
• He has long, slimy fingers.
• He eats bugs, small animals such as mice and rats and even freshly uprooted plants.
• He snores, whistles, grunts and screeches in his sleep - often at noise levels up to 125 decibels, which rivals the noise generated by a speeding locomotive or a loud rock band such as Aerosmith or the Rolling Stones.

"He's acting like a panda in captivity," explains the source. "He's not eating. He's not sleeping.

"This isn't unlike the behavior we would expect from a human male in captivity. After months without 'companionship', males of any species tend to get edgy."

That's why scientists have leaked word of Dino Man's existence to the outside world. They're hoping a potential partner will come forward.

"But it needs to happen very quickly," says the source. "Otherwise, I'm afraid Dino Man may soon become extinct."

LADIES! HERE'S YOUR CHANCE TO MATE DINOMAN!

Ladies, if you're attracted to Dino Man or would just like to become his mate send us a letter, 200 words or less, stating why Dino Man should choose you as his companion. Write: Dino Man c/o Weekly World News, 5401 NW Broken Sound Blvd., Boca Raton, FL 33487. Or e-mail: editor@weeklyworldnews.com

We'll happily forward all your letters to him. Dino Man can't wait to hear from you!

[Sir Gawain]

We can all relate to Dino Man.

[Sir Gawain]

ping

[RichInOC]

Any relation to Bill Clinton?

[Sir Gawain]

Long slimy fingers?

[dirtboy]

Any relation to Bill Clinton?

C'mon, man, think:

HALF-MAN, HALF-DINOSAUR: "FIND ME A WOMAN BEFORE I EXPLODE!"

Half woman, half dinosaur, looking for a babe ... obviously this is about Janet Reno...

[ZOOKER]

Paging Bertha....Bertha Butt, please pick up the white phone...

[Publius]

"What's it got in its pocketses, my Precious, gollum gollum."

[Phil V.]

He's reasonably intelligent, consistently scoring 80 to 85 on intelligence tests, which is just slightly below average for humans.

And just how many surviving Freepers can make that statement??!!

[lowbridge]

Didn't Dino-Man star on that tv series Land of the Lost?

[TheBigB]

I've been sayin' this for years. Never got MY name in the paper. *mutter*

[Victoria Delsoul]

"Ordinarily we'd be hesitant to even reveal the existence of this creature," continues the source, one of 11 scientists who are said to be observing the creature in an unidentified research center in northern Michigan.

Does this have anything to do with The Daily Probe Special Report and the Number 11?

[Diogenesis]

Need blood?

[Sir Gawain]

Hmmmmmm. :-D

[b4its2late]

Janet Reno?

[TheBigB]

For some reason, this thread needs a smiley face. ;)

[tacticalogic]

Isn't he the one that does those Geico commercials?

[Sir Gawain]

And you posted at #11, and it's the 11th month! OMG!

[dead]

I think I had a one-night stand with his sister back in college. At least that's how my friends described her. I don't really remember much about the evening myself.

[Billthedrill]

My other profile is much more flattering.

[slimer]

the woman chosen to satisfy his physical needs will have to be, in the words of one researcher, "exceptionally patient and understanding, willing to put up with his bizarre and often extreme moods, and also able to endure his strange, sawdust-like smell."

The perfect woman for this creature is the Hildabeast!