I got this is the mail.
Posted on 10/15/2001 5:58:32 PM PDT by Hillary's Lovely Legs
"We are getting more and more insight into the life of Osama bin Laden. Today the Saudi Arabian ambassador to the United States said that bin Laden had an unhappy childhood growing up, 52 brothers and sisters. You think his childhood was unhappy, wait 'til we deliver his mid-life crisis." - Jay Leno
"It was reported today that Osama Bin Laden has 50 brothers and sisters. Which absolutely shocked me because I had no idea he was Catholic" Conan O'Brien
"You read about all these terrorists, most of them came here legally, but they hung around on these expired visas, some for as long as 10-15 years. Now, compare that to Blockbuster; you are two days late with a video and these people are all over you. Let's put Blockbuster in charge of immigration." Jay Leno
"The Taliban has asked Osama bin Laden to voluntarily leave the country. They said they delivered him a note asking him to leave, which is a pretty good trick considering they claim they don't even know where he is." Jay Leno
"I read in the paper today this bin Laden guy is the wealthiest guy in Afghanistan. That's when you know your government is no good, when the wealthiest guy in the country lives in a cave." Jay Leno
"There are reports on the news tonight that members of the Taliban feel persecuted and fear their own safety. So now they know what it is like to be a woman in their country." Jay Leno
"There was a rumor that Jesse Jackson was going to go over there to talk with the Taliban, apparently they were having trouble rhyming the word Jihad." Jay Leno
"U.S. Government has said they are now going to go after the terrorist's electronic banking system. You know what they should do? They should transfer bin Laden's funds to my bank. They'd mess up his deposits, screw up his statement and nickel and dime him to death with service charges." Jay Leno
"More and more details coming out now about spoiled rich kid Usama bin Laden. Time reports this week he was one of 52 kids. Mother must be exhausted. This guy inherited $80 million at age 13 and has since expanded it to $300 million through construction, smart investments and gas and oil investments. This way, he can use the money in his war Against capitalism." Jay Leno
"The leaders of the Taliban said today that killing bin Laden won't solve the problem. But, you know, it couldn't hurt." Jay Leno
"More and more facts coming out about Osama bin Laden. You know, he never sleeps in the same Place two nights in a row, just like Clinton." Jay Leno
- "This Osama bin Laden guy, spoiled rich kid worth $300M. I have three words for this guy: Anna Nicole Smith. We send her over there, she'll get his money, he'll be dead in a week." Jay Leno
If you want to see something really funny, turn on the Yankee/A's playoff game.....
Roger Clemens is a riot.
what a joke.
Another terrorist has been found in L'Anse ( a city in Michigan's U.P. )--Aino bin Loggin
OK. Only a Yooper would get it. It's a Yooper joke, OK?
"I will give each of you each one wish, that's three wishes total," says the Genie.
The Canadian says, "I am a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in Canada."
With a blink of the Genie's eye, 'POOF' the land in Canada was forever made fertile for farming.
Osama bin Laden was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around Afghanistan, so that no infidels, Jews or Americans can come into our precious state."
Again, with a blink of the Genie's eye, 'POOF' there was a huge wall around Afghanistan.
GWB, a former civil engineer, asks, "I'm very curious. Please tell me more about this wall."
The Genie explains, "Well, it's about 15,000 feet high, 500 feet thick and completely surrounds the country; nothing can get in or out---virtually impenetrable."
GWB says, "Fill it with equal parts of pig fat and concrete."
Bin Laden, not feeling well and concerned about his mortality, goes to consult a Psychic about the date of his death. Closing her eyes and silently reaching into he realm of the future she finds the answer:
"You will die on a Jewish holiday."
"Which one?" Bin Laden asks nervously.
"It doesn't matter," replied the psychic.
"When ever you die, it'll be a Jewish Holiday.
How 'bout we create hand grenades, that when you pull the pin, super glue comes seeping out. We could send them a few hundred cases.
Can you just imagine when they go to throw them, "Fire in the ho...ly sh**!"
Q: You've seen Star Trek, Next Gen, DS9, and Voyager, right? You've noticed that there are a plethora of races and nationalities? Like Russians (Chekov), Swahili(Uhura), Japanese (Sulu), Southron (McCoy), Russian Jewish (Worf's Adoptive Parents); hell, even French (Picard)?
Do you know why there are no Arabs/Afghans?
A: Because it's in the FUTURE.
The Cajuns heard that Saddam Hussein was going to help Osama bin Laden and they decided This is WAR!!
Saddam Hussein was sitting in his bunker when his telephone rang.
"Hallo! Mr. Hussein," a heavily accented voice said. "This is Boudreaux down at the Fred's lounge in Mamou, Looziannah. I'm callin' to told you we be officially declarin' war on you!"
"Well, Boudreaux, Saddam replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is your army?"
"Rat now," said Boudreaux, (hesitating) "there is me, my cousin Thibedeaux, my nex door neighbor Justain, and the whole bunch from the bar. That makes us eight!"
Saddam paused. "I must tell you, Boudreaux, that I have one million men in my army waiting to move on my command."
"Woo-eee!" said Boudreaux. "I gots to call you back later!"
Sure enough, the next day, Boudreaux called again. "Mr. Hussein, the war is still on! We got us some war equipment!"
"And what equipment would that be, Boudreaux?" Saddam asked.
"Well, we got us two combines, a dozer, and a farm tractor."
Saddam sighed. "I must tell you, Boudreaux, that I have 16,000 tanks and 14,000 armoured personnel carriers. Also, I' ve increased my army to 1-1/2 million since we last spoke."
"E-yiee!" said Boudreaux. "I gots to get back to you later."
Sure enough, Boudreaux rang again the next day "Mr. Hussein, da war still be on! We got ourselves some airborne! We've took Marcell's utra-light glider an we put us a shotgun in the cockpit, and Hebert gots out of jail today and he is gonna join our army too!"
Saddam was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. "I must tell you, Boudreaux, that I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter planes. My military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I've increased my army to TWO MILLION!"
"Ah-yie-yie!", screams Boudreaux, "I gots ta call you back later."
Sure enough, Boudreaux calls again the next day. "Bon jour, Sad-damn! I so sorry I gots to toll you we is callin' off dis war."
"I'm sorry to hear that," said Saddam. "Why the sudden change of heart?"
"Well," said Boudreaux, we all had a long talk at the bar and Sheriff Broussard he say no way he's gonna feed no two million prisoners."
Q: What do Bin Laden and Hiroshima have in common?
A: Nothing... Yet
Q: How do you play Taliban bingo?
A: B-1...F-16...B-52...
Q: What is the Taliban's national bird?
A: Duck
Q: How is bin Laden like Fred Flintstone?
A: Both may look out their windows and see Rubble
Q: What does Osama bin Laden and General Custer have in common?
A: They both want to know where those Tomahawks are coming from!
Q: What's the difference between the Taliban and a bucket of sh*t?
A: The bucket
Q: What's the difference between Christmas and Osama bin Laden?
A: There will be a Christmas in December
Q: Why don't bin Laden's people eat sh*t sandwiches?
A: They can't stand bread
Q: Why doesn't the Taliban have drivers ed and sex ed classes on the same day?
A: Because the camels can't handle it
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.