The Taliban Man (To the tune of "Candy Man")

Self | September 16, 2001 | PJ-Comix

[PJ-Comix]

Who can take a Nutcase
Make him seem Kewl
Cover Him with Excuses and a Hideout or Two
The Taliban Man
The Taliban Man Can
The Taliban Man Can 'Cause he mixes it with Dough
And Makes the World Blow Up
Who Can take a Woman
And wrap her in a Robe
Cover her face 'til you just see an earlobe
The Taliban Man
The Taliban Man Can
The Taliban Man Can 'Cause he has a real good Scam
And Makes the World Blow Up
And the World Blows Up
'Cause The Taliban Man is very Corrupt.....

[PJ-Comix]

Taliban Man is sung to the tune of Candy Man, possibly one of the WORST songs ever written. If you think these lyrics are awkward, it is no more awkward than the original Candyman.

Feel free to throw in your own lyrics. Maceman had some good ones.

[PJ-Comix]

FYI. Add in those lyrics you had before.

[VA Advogado]

These guys are more than corrupt. They'll cut your head off and play soccer with it. Pure evil.

[caddie]

A masterpiece.

[PJ-Comix]

The only thing good about writing a parody of a truly horrible song like "Candy Man" is that it is hard to be worse than the original.

[The Raven]

Well...you're no George M. Cohen

[Prodigal Daughter]

This one is sweeter than candy. Thanks.

[Maceman]

Here's my lame attempt:

Who can take an airplane
a wonderful machine
fill it with fanatics
blow New York to smithereens
The Taliban can
The Taliban can
The Taliban can cause their evil mixed with hate
will make the world no good

Who can take a high rise
the USA's crown jewel
collapse it in an instant
with a few guys named Abdul
The Taliban can
The Taliban can
The Taliban can cause their evil mixed with hate
will make the world no good

The Taliban makes
everything that's great
terrifying and malicious
brutal and completely vicious
talk about your sons of bitches

Who'll kill these fanatics
send them all to hell
wipe them out till nothing's left
not even their foul smell
The USA can
The USA can
The USA can cause we'll use our righteous rage
to make the world feel good

[PJ-Comix]

Great lyrics. But the only line I would change is this:

the USA's crown jewel

With this:

America's crown jewel

It seems to work better that way.

[jonatron]

Great job!

[PJ-Comix]

Well...you're no George M. Cohen

Or George M. Cohan. However I don't think Cohan wrote the Candy Man lyrics. But who did?

[Maceman]

I agree with your change. Also, I would change the last line to: Save the world for good (instead of make the world feel good)

[Maceman]

Here's the revised version:

Who can take an airplane
a wonderful machine
fill it with fanatics
blow New York to smithereens
The Taliban can
The Taliban can
The Taliban can cause their evil mixed with hate
will make the world no good

Who can take a high rise
America's crown jewel
collapse it in an instant
with a few guys named Abdul
The Taliban can
The Taliban can
The Taliban can cause their evil mixed with hate
will make the world no good

The Taliban makes
everything that's great
terrifying and malicious
brutal and completely vicious
talk about your sons of bitches

Who'll kill these fanatics
send them all to hell
wipe them out till nothing's left
not even their foul smell
The USA can
The USA can
The USA can cause we'll use our righteous rage
and save the world for good

[PJ-Comix]

Funny how strict the Taliban Man & Co. are in their own countries but we find out that the shortly before the terrorists hijacked the planes they got drunk at strip bars and paid for lap dances. Am I missing something here?

[PJ-Comix]

I just checked and the composer of "Candy Man" was actor/composer, Anthony Newley. He also composed the "Goldfinger" theme song.

[Maceman]

I did not know that.

[PJ-Comix]

"Goldfinger" was good but "Candy Man" was a really lousy song. However, it seems almost like a theme song of the 70s because I keep thinking of bell bottomed pants and gaudy body jewelry whenever I hear it. Maybe it's because I am thinking of Sammy Davis Jr. who sang it quite a bit.

[Gabz]

You deserve a grammy for lyrics.

[HiTech RedNeck]

Maybe there's a rule in the Koran that when you're about to sacrifice yourself for Allah you can have a roaring good time that would otherwise be forbidden?

As an interesting point, the word "assassin" derives from the term "hashish." Arab assassins of old used to get high on this goo which is derived from marijuana! Which is generally forbidden in Islam IIRC.

[firewalk]

You made me smile, thank you! Great lyrics!