[independentmind]

Bumping those who responded on the recent courtship thread.

IMO, the above offers a much better perspective on modern courtship, love and marriage.

[FormerLib]

And a ping to the usual suspects.

[Don Myers]

bttt

[RLK]

An interesting and complex article worth considering.

With regard to --- One of the things the speaker said was "Feelings don't really matter. Feelings come and go. What matters is compatibility." I've heard the same idea expressed many other times this way: "Love is not a feeling; it's a decision." --It sounds easy to misconstrue and end up in a drab lifetime relationship. A feeling needs to be there. However, that feeling must be a mature adult feeling. I don't have time to go into it further.

[WFTR]

This is a great article. If the people who ran the Christian groups that I was involved with during my college years had understood these truths, I might still be in church.

WFTR
Bill

[Bella_Bru]

Excellent! Thank you!

[ctdonath2]

As one newly facing the prospects of courtship (but not new to the idea), and facing a playing field where the ladies are still figuring out the rules, I have two under-addressed observations:

1. The rules are not adequately publicized. If a guy shows interest in a gal, but she does not return a show of interest (verboten in some courtship rule sets, regardless of her feelings), and he is unaware of these rules, he is likely to misinterpret her behavior and move on. I just participated in a denominational singles gathering, got frustrated by some of the odd behavior, and later discovered that the maidens were playing by a set of rules that the bachelors don't realize exist. If you don't publicize the rules, don't be surprised if would-be players leave the field.

2. Courtship presupposes a physically close community where individuals have easy exposure to each other in groups, and where elders are fully aware of those involved. In our spread-out culture where two interested parties can easily live hundreds of miles apart, the courtship process suffers as the "group date" requirement is very difficult to arrange. Finding enough about someone to decide to pursue formal courtship can be extremely difficult. Dating permits a discovery period which courtship presumes the community has already provided.

[Restorer]

Thanks for posting this intriguing article. I may be misreading what she is saying, but the suggestion to reserve "intimacy for only the most exceptional moments" seems a little peculiar. Supplied with this loophole, human nature , especially male human nature, is prone to quickly start considering an awful lot of moments to be highly exceptional. Decisions made under the influence of the incredibly powerful emotions aroused by "exceptional moments" are not necessarily good ones.

(No distinction is made here between critically different types of emotions, such as between arbitrary sensations and deep spiritual responses.)

The author doesn't provide much help in making these distinctions either. I agree the distinction is critical, but how does a young person make it?

I also wonder about her apparent approval of only slightly modified "dating." The modern system of dating seems to me to be inherently a form of playing with other people's emotions. You spend a lot of effort doing everything you can to get another person to fall in love with you, until YOU lose interest. Once you do, the other person is discarded like used tissue, while YOU move on.

Nobody ever seems to point out how many of the mass-murders, including the school shootings, are apparently precipitated by a "romantic" breakup. Many people are emotionally resilient, and "play the game" just fine. Others are emotionally fragile, and the damage that a "game-player" can do to such a person is truly evil.