Posted on 09/08/2001 8:56:15 PM PDT by kattracks
BOSTON (AP) - The decision to tell his family he was gay didn't go well for one Bridgewater State student. His father threatened to cut him off financially and left the junior feeling "like a piece of trash."
"There's no way I could support myself," said the 22-year-old, who asked that his name not be used. "I was very, very scared."
A new scholarship offered by the school could make it easier for gay and lesbian students to break unwelcome news by helping gay students whose families refuse to support them financially.
The school says it's the only program of its kind.
The 22-year-old student's parents kept paying for school after his mother insisted, but not everyone gets that break, said communications professor Susan Holton, co-chair of the school's Safe Colleges Task Force, an advocacy group for gays.
Bob Haynor, Bridgewater's outreach education coordinator, started raising funds for the scholarship in April 2000 after meeting students who were cut off after they came out. About $8,200 has been donated so far. Haynor hopes the first awards will be given next year.
The college's Frank-Tremblay Safe Colleges Scholarship is named for lesbian folk singer Lucie Blue Tremblay, who's raised money for the scholarship, and U.S. Rep. Barney Frank, D-Mass., who is gay and represents the Bridgewater area.
Frank has not raised money for the scholarship but said he was flattered to be associated with it.
"The potential for rejection or the fact of rejection is a crushing blow," he said. "Add to that an inability to continue your education ... Obviously we wish this situation didn't happen but it's important to have this resource available."
Other schools have boosted financial aid for gay students cut off by parents, said Robert Schoenberg, president of the National Consortium of Directors of Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender Resources in Higher Education. But he was uncertain how many, if any, aim funds specifically at students who are financially estranged from parents.
Brian Camenker, president of the Parents' Rights Coalition, a Newton-based group that opposes government interference in parental duties, said the scholarship is a "complete outrage" that undermines parental authority.
"You have a state institution affirming a self-destructive and medically dangerous behavior and essentially spitting in the face of parents who know it's a horrible thing for their children to be doing," he said.
Schoenberg said gays and parents often have their first conversations about sexual orientation in the early years of college, when students are particularly dependent on parents.
"Students choose to go outside the city where they live and do some exploring and perhaps come out," he said.
In addition to private donations, school officials also expect to receive some money when the state matches private funds raised for the Bridgewater State College Foundation, of which the scholarship is part.
The fact that public money could be included is galling to Camenker.
"It's like taking your tax dollars and rubbing it in your face," he said.
But Vincent McCarthy, chairman of the Governor's Commission on Gay and Lesbian Youth, said that if parents "divorce" themselves financially from their children, they lose their say in the children's education.
"The bottom line is 'Tough,'" he said.
Grant sizes haven't been determined. Haynor said tuition and fees at Bridgewater are about $2,800, so even a small grant can help.
"It's more than just money," he said. "I think it's somebody saying, 'We want you to be here.'"
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Get a *@#*%^& job, you sissy Mary!
Really??? No way?? No way at all?? How about getting a job? Or dropping school for a while and getting a full time job? Or perhaps putting in the effort to find scholarships or grants?
No way my ass.
If Boy Scouts are guilty of excluding gays, why wouldn't this school, and the state if it kicks in matching funds, be quilty of discrimination by excluding straights from a scholarship program?
Two ways straight kids can make this program work for them: Sue for damages or lie about your sexual preferences.
There you have a prime example of the desired product of the public education system.
A totally 'whipped' androgyne, who wouldn't last a week in any real world situation or job. A 'new soviet man' who waits for the collective to provide guidance.
He's right, there is no way he could support himself.
Oh yeah, I forgot...male prostitute.
Eat Sh#T & Die!
Folks who have gotten married, then had a baby right away have been doing this for years. It is tough when you have little ones, but this kid at Bridgewater doesn't have that problem. If he wants to be what he thinks he is, then he needs to learn to do for himself. Does he think Mom and Dad are going to support him forever? At 22, he needs to learn to get along in the world and not blame all of his problems on how folks perceive him.
Brian Camenker, president of the Parents' Rights Coalition, a Newton-based group that opposes government interference in parental duties, said the scholarship is a "complete outrage" that undermines parental authority.
Undermines parental authority? Give me a break. You cut the purse strings--get over it.
I supposed they'd suggest suing your child for pay back if he'd stayed in the closet until after graduation. Yeah, right. I'm sure that sort of thing will go a long way to encourage open communication between a young adult child and its parents.
It reminds me of this caller to Dr. Laura the other day who immediately thanked Dr. Laura for saving her marriage. She went on to say she didn't want to go to her daughter's public wedding ceremony. The daughter'd previously eloped with the 25 yr old college graduate boyfriend the mother'd 'forbade' her 23 yr old daughter to marry!
The mother didn't like the bf's character because he'd lived with her lilly white, innocent daughter before the elopement. She admited to Dr. Laura she didn't talk to them about her concerns directly but rather played games and tried to meddle.
She was too gutless to have an adult conversation about her real concerns and obviously believes the way to "reach" her daughter is to cut off contact.
Such "wonderful" family support structures are all around and aren't tied to this issue.
"You have a state institution affirming a self-destructive and medically dangerous behavior and essentially spitting in the face of parents who know it's a horrible thing for their children to be doing," he said. I'll remind the Parent's Rights Coalition a person can generally identify his or her sexuality before engaging in the behavior. Where were the parents during the teen years talking about drug use and sexuality? Too busy off on some tropical island getaway? Too busy watching soaps on TV? Too busy working to care?
It's no wonder young men are afraid of talking to their parents when struggling with fears of homosexuality especially when one's education and nacient social structure is at stake.
There are all sorts of conditions put on education dollars by parents (specific major, whether you'll date, who you'll have as a friend) which have nothing to do with supporting their child and helping it transition into responsible adulthood and indepedence.
Rather the parents are continuing to control the child like a puppet which ends up alienating the child and drives it futher from the positive values the parent might have taught with words but not in deed.
A program like this offers the child some hope for not losing "everything" (education, social structure, etc.) when they stand a good chance of losing their partents not by death but by parental decree and rejection of the child. There's a big difference between "supporting" oneself and just being able to make rent and have food.
I think such a 'safety net' program is a good idea--once a student drops out of college (for whatever reason) it's unlikely he or she will go back--if it could be well managed and shouldn't necessarily be tied to one's sexuality. I was hoping it was a privately funded scholarship.
Later.
Agree with your entire post. Thank you for articulating it well.
Remember that the Supreme Court (rightfully) said that the Boy Scouts can discriminate against anyone they want to discriminate against. Guess it works both ways.
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