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Woman who shot and killed boyfriend on Indy's northeast side says she suffered years of abuse from him
WTHR.com ^ | January 6, 2024 | Chase Houle

Posted on 01/07/2024 3:35:33 AM PST by marktwain

INDIANAPOLIS — As police lights illuminate an apartment complex on the city's northeast side following a fatal shooting, brighter light shines on a bigger issue.

Domestic violence.

"I just know what he's capable of doing and last night something just told me, 'OK, I just need to protect myself,'" said a woman who was being abused by her boyfriend but did not want to be identified.

The woman said she shot and killed her boyfriend while he was attacking her inside the apartment Thursday night.

"He was strangling me, and I tried to push him back, but he was getting stronger and just more physical and that's when I fell back, and he was just lunging towards me. I don't know because he will just start wailing off on me and so, I just shot him," explained the woman.

She said over the course of their relationship, she's gotten five no contact orders and an order of protection against him.

Despite going back to the relationship, she said, "I know it's not love, but I know, he's a broken and a troubled person, and you know me, just being the person that I am, I'm always trying to heal and fix everything and everybody, and that's what I was trying to do with him."

According to Women Against Abuse, a domestic violence nonprofit, it takes an average of seven attempts for a survivor to leave their abuser and stay separated for good. The organization says it could be dangerous for the victim to leave or the victims believes the person will change over time.

"Yes, he was abusive, but that was my best friend and I love him, and I don't know how I'm going to get through this. I really don't," explained the woman as she cried.

And while she may be heartbroken over what happened, she has a piece of advice for women - something she wish she would have taken before it got to this point.

"It's not always that easy, but I would try and get out of the situation, or I would try, and you know, have a way to protect yourself if it ever comes to that, you know," she said.


TOPICS: Crime/Corruption; Culture/Society; News/Current Events; US: Indiana
KEYWORDS: banglist; defense; domestic; in; indiana
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To: Gay State Conservative

Have more coffee before you make analogies that make no sense....


21 posted on 01/07/2024 5:13:37 AM PST by trebb (So many fools - so little time...)
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To: marktwain
Been there, done that myself with probably similar results of your reported incident. Actually, I became the odd man out and they joined forces against my intervention.

At the time it was the craziest thing that ever happened to me. I also learned not to get involved other than offering advice.

What saddens me is the fact according to the article, “… she's gotten five no contact orders and an order of protection against him” that women are fooled into thinking these pieces of parchment have any value whatsoever! It’s dangerous, disgusting and yet more reason to despise the dimocRAT party who hate victims of crime.

Abuse victims NEED more than parchment, they need separation from the predator if the predator cannot be incarcerated and they need to be given self defense training, separation anxiety assistance and a gun with ammo and training how to use it when the abuser comes to strangle her or kick her ass some other way.

22 posted on 01/07/2024 5:40:00 AM PST by bigfootbob (Arm Up and Live Free!)
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To: yldstrk

Of the subset of women who crave the excitement, you will find some who like goading and provoking their men.

They get excitement from seeing how close to the edge they can push the guy. It was this observation that got feminists angry at Erin Pizzy.


23 posted on 01/07/2024 5:44:44 AM PST by SauronOfMordor (Either you will rule. Or you will be ruled. There is no other choice.)
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To: marktwain

She armed herself and then set him up. Instead of going back that final time, she should have stayed away instead of formulating a plan to kill him. Press charges and have him sent away — it’s not like nobody will believe her in this day and age.


24 posted on 01/07/2024 6:06:14 AM PST by FoxInSocks ("Hope is not a course of action." — M. O'Neal, USMC)
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To: Melinda in TN

Hmmm . . . “hot-headed redhead.” Is that you, Maureen O’Hara, posting from the Great Beyond?


25 posted on 01/07/2024 6:09:05 AM PST by Rockingham (`)
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To: Rockingham

Nope, before my time. I wasn’t movie star pretty either.


26 posted on 01/07/2024 6:15:10 AM PST by Melinda in TN
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To: marktwain

“According to Women Against Abuse, a domestic violence nonprofit, it takes an average of seven attempts for a survivor to leave their abuser and stay separated for good.”

“...she’s gotten five no contact orders and an order of protection against him.”

5 no contact orders + 1 protection order + 1 shooting = 7 attempts to stay separated for good.

Right on target...


27 posted on 01/07/2024 6:15:55 AM PST by null and void (I identify as a conspiracy theorist. My personal pronouns are told/you/so.)
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To: FoxInSocks

—-> Press charges and have him sent away — it’s not like nobody will believe her in this day and age.

Takes time. Often nothing happens.

She remains in danger.


28 posted on 01/07/2024 6:21:04 AM PST by aMorePerfectUnion (I didn't come here to guide lambs, but to awaken lions 🦅 MAGADONIAN ⚔️)
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To: aMorePerfectUnion

Often her (or his, depending on which is prone to murder or mayhem) danger ratchets up with court involvement, nor can she (or he) trust the court to act wisely or even legally.

Petty gods in black robes.


29 posted on 01/07/2024 6:27:18 AM PST by null and void (I identify as a conspiracy theorist. My personal pronouns are told/you/so.)
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To: SauronOfMordor

Goading and provoking her man: like that evening actor Will Smith publicly slapped a comedian at an awards ceremony for cracking a minor joke about Will’s wife.
Many think Jada’s angry look at her husband propelled him into foolish, violent action.


30 posted on 01/07/2024 6:28:59 AM PST by lee martell
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To: trebb

Just FYI...I have a pretty fair command of the English language. And that includes its many subtleties.


31 posted on 01/07/2024 6:30:22 AM PST by Gay State Conservative (Proudly Clinging To My Guns And My Religion)
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To: aMorePerfectUnion
over the course of their relationship, she's gotten five no contact orders and an order of protection against him

I think it’s demonstrated there was ample time to pursue more long-lasting legal action over this span of time. And she could have kept her distance any number of times. Instead, she apparently baited him.

Not addressing psychological reasons why she kept going back to him, etc.

32 posted on 01/07/2024 6:37:39 AM PST by FoxInSocks ("Hope is not a course of action." — M. O'Neal, USMC)
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To: lee martell

Will Smith was laughing initially, until he saw Jada’s expression.

I have no doubt that he thought that, unless he did something very publicly to “defend his wife’s honor”, that she would make his life Hell.

Will Smith is a classic case of the psychologically beaten-down husband.


33 posted on 01/07/2024 6:37:50 AM PST by SauronOfMordor (Either you will rule. Or you will be ruled. There is no other choice.)
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To: marktwain

She wanted him, she got him, tough sh*t.


34 posted on 01/07/2024 6:39:05 AM PST by CodeToad (Rule #1: The elites want you dead.)
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To: SauronOfMordor

A PW POW?


35 posted on 01/07/2024 6:47:44 AM PST by null and void (I identify as a conspiracy theorist. My personal pronouns are told/you/so.)
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To: null and void

Lol, probably.


36 posted on 01/07/2024 6:50:28 AM PST by SauronOfMordor (Either you will rule. Or you will be ruled. There is no other choice.)
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To: marktwain

“Just leave.”
So easy to say.
I know a woman who thought the house belonged to her fiance. She moved in with the baby, age under 2.
Within a year she knew it wasn’t her house or even his, it belonged to a friend of his.
The physical abuse compelled her to leave.
She was outside the house with the baby and the clothes on her back. Wanted to go to a shelter. Police would not let her go in the house, nor would they go in. “Not her house.” Everything she had was in there, including her wallet, her ID, baby items, everything.
Shelter rules? You can stay up to six months, then you have to find yourself a place. With no income. No ID.
Took her another four years to escape, and after that attempt she was not allowed to use the phone or go out. Threats of kidnapping the baby convinced her to stay put and suffer.
Once the baby was of school age and talking, the odds started going in her favor and the abuser found a younger victim.
As for protection orders, abusers don’t respect paper.


37 posted on 01/07/2024 7:23:31 AM PST by Buttons12 ( )
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To: Melinda in TN
Get to know the people you plan to spend the rest of your life with. Nobody gets killed that way. I knew my husband six years before we got married.

I agree, when the person is an honest and decent person instead of a lying abuser getting to know them will work.

The problem with abusive men is that, unless they’re very stupid (and sometimes when they are), they hide their true colors early in the relationship and are very charming and seemingly kind, considerate, and thoughtful. They can play this part for years if necessary.

Many of these abusive types look for a woman who will be devoted to being married (or to the relationship) and will be unlikely to leave, such as a devoted Christian woman who is against divorce.

The woman’s being fatherless or having a father or parents who do not support the woman is a bonus for the abuser because he knows that eventually it will be very hard for her to get away.

These creeps charm the woman early on and then begin the abuse slowly, especially after marriage or after having children together.

(One of the first things these abusers do is separate their partner from her support system. This will eventually leave the woman isolated and alone. This is why it’s important to stay in touch with the person who is abused even if it’s annoying and tests a person’s patience because if she does decide to get away she will need support.)

Initially, abusers are oh so sorry about that slap or push and make up with flowers and more charm in order to keep the woman thinking that it won’t happen again and he really cares about her and that things will work out.

As more children are born into the household it becomes more and more difficult for the woman to leave and the abuse ramps up.

When the woman threatens or tries to leave the abuser pursues her and begs her to stay, telling her how he loves her with promises to change and even with threats of suicide. He just can’t live without her.

How can this woman hurt him so badly and possibly leave her children without a father? She has been purposefully placed into the position of making a very tough decision after being isolated from any support system she had in the past and also after being beaten down emotionally.

If she does actually leave and he thinks she means it he is extremely dangerous because the whole thing is really about control and often he will do anything to keep his control over her, including killing her.

This is a classic cycle. I’ve seen seen it thousands of times because for years I worked exclusively with victims of domestic violence.

(Yes, there are exceptions and of course the abuser isn’t always a man and the abused person isn’t always a woman.)

The best armor against domestic abuse is having good, strong fathers who love their daughters.

38 posted on 01/07/2024 7:25:53 AM PST by pax_et_bonum (“Killer rabbit jokes have a long tradition in medieval literature.“ - Dr. James Wade)
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To: ansel12

There is abuse, and there is the abuse industry.

Many, if not most, women who are abused get little or no benefit from the abuse industry. They don’t want to use it, their boyfriends know just how to manipulate it, or they don’t want their boyfriends to get in trouble, or they want to get back to their boyfriends.

On the other hand, mean and abusive women know just how to use the system for purposes of vindication or divorce, and innocent and naive men who get sucked into it, who have trust in the system, get chewed up by it.


39 posted on 01/07/2024 7:34:16 AM PST by Fido969
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To: pax_et_bonum

The woman’s being fatherless or having a father or parents who do not support the woman is a bonus for the abuser because he knows that eventually it will be very hard for her to get away.

***********************

I think that’s what saved my mom from physical abuse. My grandfather (her father) would have killed him in a heartbeat.

Dad mellowed out when he got old and truly loved us and Mom, but he was a lot like his grandfather. My grandfather, his dad, was one of the gentlest men I knew but his dad was a tyrant. He was born in 1865 and the fists flew before his brain was engaged. I knew my GGfather and he was gentle with me but he knocked my grandmother out of her chair a few times. That caused a lot of problems between my grandparents. Dad must have spent too much time with him growing up. LOL The violence seems to skip a generation. I’m not a hitter but my daughter is.


40 posted on 01/07/2024 7:45:33 AM PST by Melinda in TN
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