Sexual orientation isn’t a natural right with support in the Bill of Rights. Firearm possession and use is. Eddie Eagle belongs in schools. the other crap doesn’t.
The Congress isn't empowered in Article 1, Section 8 to educate all children on KABA. Further, even with the powers enumerated under the the militia clauses, that would exclude kids under 17. So sending cash and Eddie Eagle to schools would be unconstitutional.
More broadly, the elements that support free speech (also in the Bill of Rights) in the Department of Education would pass muster under your "use" test.