The Congress isn't empowered in Article 1, Section 8 to educate all children on KABA. Further, even with the powers enumerated under the the militia clauses, that would exclude kids under 17. So sending cash and Eddie Eagle to schools would be unconstitutional.
More broadly, the elements that support free speech (also in the Bill of Rights) in the Department of Education would pass muster under your "use" test.
Only because the notion of “free speech” has been corrupted by the courts. It never meant anything in the Constitution other than the right to speak out about the government, to dissent. It was a fix to the practice of hanging people because they spoke out against the king.