"Gay Days at my parks. Hell to the no. Anyone got a cigarette? Oh, right...never mind."
"Pirates of the Caribbean movies - overall great or what? Bet you didn't know Depp is an animatronic and the one at the boat ride is the real Johnny getting wasted."
"I was super-patriotic but find you've elected leaders hating America and our freedoms which dishonors your very parentage. What exactly is wrong with you?"
"You behave as if the Nazis and Commies had defeated you, with this surrendering to obvious Marxist foolishness that leads to mass graves. Wake up to real reality."
"Had I 'decolonized' my bookshelves my cataloge would be about 1/20th of what it achieved, considering the literary heights of non-Western civilization compared to ours."
"So these race commies just come in and tell you how bad you are and you take it? I terrified employees for the right reasons - pursue perfection as quickly as possible and you get a raise. But I was an old-fashioned softy."
"'Song of the South' wasn't racist. I was exposing the masses to a charming subset of educational folk tales in danger of being lost. So they threw them out anyway in a pique of misunderstanding. Pearls before swine."
"In the early years we learned having a pre-drawn series of hand patterns usable by all the characters saved loads of time and effort. Had nothing to do with minstrels whatsoever. Idiots."
"My brother Roy gets a bad rap but in truth I left him a giant beanstalk I barely had a grasp on when the cigs got me. Sure no one has a Camel? Oh right, I'm a talking head. Hey, good name for a group!"
"By the way - thanks, Marvel, for portraying me so well as Tony Stark's father. Disney World DOES have Tesla's solution for limitless free energy in it's layout! First you..."
(...ancient blender's energy source depleted...will re-achieve viability in 2024...holding...do not unplug...holding...)