Posted on 02/11/2020 12:38:57 AM PST by goldstategop
Very few things I have said have elicited as much negative attention as this: What people say in private tells little, if anything, about their character. Left-wing critics have had a field day mocking me (mockery is the left's substitute for argument), but even some religious conservatives have taken issue with me (without the mockery) -- don't I know that it is precisely how we act in private that most clearly reveals our character?
This issue, of course, originally arose as a result of what then-reality TV host Donald Trump said in private to then-"Access Hollywood" host Billy Bush in 2005. I thought then, as I do now, that people greatly overstated the importance of the remarks -- because they were made in private.
In order to understand why private remarks usually mean nothing, we need to make two critical distinctions: between private and public, and between speech and actions.
Here are the four categories:
1. Private speech.
2. Private actions.
3. Public speech.
4. Public actions.
The last three are very important and, therefore, reveal a person's character. But what we say in private is not important. Why? Because it doesn't necessarily affect anyone (except potentially the person hearing us).
This is so obvious that it is depressing that it needs to be spelled out. It shows how small a role reason, especially moral reasoning, plays in many people's lives. We live at a time when what people feel substitutes for thought and reason. In the infamous "Access Hollywood" case, most people feel repulsed by what Trump said, and for most of them, that suffices to determine Trump's character.
So, then, allow me to spell this out.
Does what you say to your therapist, which is obviously in private, reveal your character? No one believes so. If a faithful married man were to tell his psychiatrist that he often fantasizes about having sex with women other than his wife -- and for that matter, wishes he could grab women by their genitalia -- would that reveal what type of person he is? If a woman, after years of taking care of her elderly mother, who suffers from Alzheimer's, were to tell her therapist or a close friend that sometimes she wishes her mother would die, would that tell us anything about the woman's character?
Ironically, the answer is yes -- but in a completely different way than most people think. If people say something ignoble in private but don't act on what they say, that shows good character, not bad.
To cite another example, then-President Richard Nixon was taped making private comments about his dislike of many Jews. When this was revealed, people who hated Nixon used those tapes to label Nixon an anti-Semite. But it was Richard Nixon as president who Israeli leaders credited with saving Israel during the Jewish state's 1973 war (the Yom Kippur War) with Egypt. Two years ago, Haaretz, Israel's leading left-wing newspaper, wrote: "Nixon stands out among presidents for taking the boldest risk for Israel: a much-needed arms airlift during the 1973 Yom Kippur War. ... Preoccupied by Watergate and mired in Vietnam, and against the advice of his Jewish adviser, Nixon risked a new war with the Soviets to save Israel. Nixon 'made it possible for Israel to win, at some risk to his own reputation and at great risk to the American economy,' historian Stephen Ambrose said."
A similar situation existed regarding former President Harry Truman. According to biographers David McCullough and Merle Miller, in private, Truman often used the word "kike" when talking about Jews (for example, he referred to New York City as "kike town" in a letter to his wife). That is the Jewish equivalent of the N-word, a word he also often used in private. Yet it was Truman in 1948 who, against the pleas of the entire State Department, was the first world leader to recognize the new state of Israel, and who, as president, racially integrated the U.S. armed services.
Actions (and public speech) matter, not private speech.
Maybe Truman and Nixon didn't like Jews. As a Jew, I don't give damn what you think about Jews. I only care about how you treat Jews. Most evangelicals believe I cannot go to heaven because I do not accept Christ. But evangelicals are not only among my closest friends; they are, by far, the Jews' best friends today. That's what matters to me. I don't judge people by their theology any more than I judge people by their private statements. Fools judge people by their theology and their private statements.
One more question for those who believe private speech tells us all we need to know about a person's character: Do thoughts tell us all we need to know? And if not, why not?
People’s personal thoughts don’t shed much light on who they really are because they’re not really consequential in the large scheme of things.
I’m more concerned with how people treat others and their actions than I worry about their private beliefs.
The reason for it is human nature is imperfect and we’re all flawed in one way or another and our private selves also say little about our true character.
Our thoughts don’t tell people everything they need to know about us and the content of our character can’t be judged upon them alone.
This writer wants to convince the reader not to rely on anything that another discloses or agrees to in private, that it is not predictive of one's behavior in private or public spheres.
The issue is whether or not one is consistent throughout.
Ho li cao...I think I have just encountered the perfect human being.
On a serious note to all those not so perfect, Trump is known for being honest and unguarded in his speech in one-on-one conversations (unlike most people). That's why people who know him trust him.
People who believe they are as pure as driven snow in their innermost thoughts are lying to themselves (and everyone else).
That is Prager's point--well, one of them at least.
We are all deeply flawed beings. That's why what we "do" matters more than what demons we wrestle with.
What we "think/say" describes our wrestling matches with our inner evil. What we "do" tells ourselves and others whether we are winning or losing those wrestling matches.
As a Serb, I do not like your tone.
Note, your statement is offensive to the Office of the President of the United States.
My father would say off color things in private he would never say in public.
He was a decent man and I came to eventually realize people will say things privately they would never share with the world.
That only adds to their goodness; it doesn’t detract from it. So I’m inclined to cut people slack for saying things in private they would never act on.
Private speech doesn’t bother me as much someone’s public statements or actions do because it seldom affects others.
One’s private utterances concern only that person and its usually only between God and them.
People need to share their innermost thoughts. As is said, "confession is good for the soul."
When we confess our innermost thoughts (those thoughts we have but know we won't act on), we liberate ourselves from them. Our innermost selves are cleansed by exposure to sunlight.
President Trump said something completely different, that in response to fame and power women "let you" grab them by the genitalia. Prager's statement loses all of its impact and relevance when Trump's actual words are used. The only reason that someone would keep that opinion of the behavior and character of some women private is to avoid the politically correct blowback that would result.
Nobody with any broad experience in life isn't aware of how some women are more than willing to shift their boundaries based on the fame and wealth of the other person involved with them.
Well said.
Saved.
Thanks!
:-)
“let you” is the combiner or transformative value of the sentence and you are exactly right.
It is wholly different to say “I will grab” rather than “women will let you grab them...”
I agree with the author. Actions speak louder than words, this is a very old saying.
Its called “running your mouth”. What people say when they are running their mouth bears no resemblance to their inner thoughts or their actions. Its just running their mouths.
If you’ve worked around people in the office or the shop you know people like to run their mouths.
As for the infamous Trump tape, if you’ll watch it with the sound off, you’ll see Trump treating the girl with the utmost of respect, and keeping her carefully at arm’s length. And Bush repeatedly pushing her into Trump and trying to get Trump to react to her. Trump’s treatment of the girl is polite and careful. On the bus he was running his mouth. In real life, respectful and careful.
I was a teenager in the days of the “Pollak” jokes - jokes about Polish people. Some of the jokes were quite funny. Some people were offended by them. I would repeat some of the good jokes to others, often changing the home country to Norway. I’m Norwegian. I lived in a state with more Norwegian decedents than there are Norwegians living in Norway. I still have joke books about dumb Ole and Lena. They are still funny.
Poles come from a proud heritage. Their homeland suffered greatly during WWII and its aftermath. They are no smarter or dumber than people of any other country, and have recovered from Communism with greater speed and dignity than most. They do have words and names with odd letters that seem out of place and sometimes make funny jokes. We Norwegians have funny accents. Making fun of this does not determine character. Taking offense says more about the character of the offended than it does about the character of the teller.
Get over it!
Obviously your father used his brain before he opened his mouth, which many forget to do.
NO! It is called "resisting temptation", and indicates a strong personal character. Only weak idiots act on their every whim, and is why we have druggies, skyrocketing abortion and many other societal ills. How you ACT, not speech, either public OR private determines "who you are".
". . . one's privately shared commitments . . ."That is between individuals. Self-deception is very easy, for it need not be ever outed; but consistent accountability to another is the meat of trusting relationships.
The writer's thesis undercuts believing in personal integrity.
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