I do not think that enough is being done about bullying. Too many schools, unfortunately, turn a blind eye to it.
Some kids do learn to cope with it. Others end up withdrawing and becoming dysfunctional adults, incapable of forming real relationships or holding down jobs.
Yes, there are tough times in life, and kids should be empowered to stand up to them. Heaven knows, we’ve been failing on that front, with all of the snowflakes. But excusing bullying is not the way to make strong kids. If we wouldn’t tolerate a behavior from an adult, we should not tolerate it from a child.
“.. too many schools turn a blind eye to it”.
I’m not saying there isn’t bullying in the local schools my kids attend or attended... however, it seems to be a lot less than some of the articles I read. In my ES, they have a Best Buddies program. Fourth and fifth graders who are recommended by their teachers spend one or two recess time slots spending time with the special need kids. You would be amazed (or maybe not) how kind these kids become to them. For whatever reason, the high school my kids go to pretty much accepts everyone... not saying there isn’t a male fight or two but “fringe” kids are just seen as “whatever”.
IMHO, too many good parents (emphasis on good) buy into the whole “whatever you do, don’t get suspended”. Suspension in ES, Middle and even high school are meaningless (unless the suspension takes you off an athletic team). I told all my kids from kindergarten on.. don’t ever start a fight, but you darn well should end it”. I told my girls that if they ever get suspended for fighting (and they didn’t start the fight but simply defended themselves ) I would take them out for lunch and a mani/pedi. Yes, I did. My Senior in high school girl saw some Freshman boys verbally picking on a mainstream Aspergers kid a few months ago. They thought it was funny to smash this boys sandwich and tell him he was “retarded and ugly”. So.. my little princess walks up to them, tells them that they will never get a girlfriend because they looked four and then handed her salad to the Asperger child. The want-to-be bullies started to leave when some of her Varsity Football friends blocked their path for a few seconds (an intimidation no less that they too.. can be pushed around) and the event was done. To this day, the Aspy child still says hello to her in the hallway and thinks it is really cool he has a Senior friend that’s a girl. :)
Bullying is a part of the human condition. Always has been, always will.
There is no way to stop it, you can only lessen the frequency and severity. It is a part of “coming of age”.
Part of it is examples set by their parents, others is the natural desire to see where one stands in the social structure.
“I do not think that enough is being done about bullying. Too many schools, unfortunately, turn a blind eye to it.”
I consider that often the school itself is a bully.
Small transgressions are often dealt with harshly beyond reason; prime example is “zero tolerance” for normal harmless activity, like bringing a small kitchen knife to eat lunch, or playing “finger guns” on the playground, or taking a sealed bottle of medicine from home to the school nurse as needed, etc. Religious references are often suppressed even if expressed no more than interest in a football team. “Excessive” absences are investigated with no consideration of school performance, yet can result in the state abducting the kids. Actually standing up to a bully, which may involve brief violence on the victim’s behalf, is severely punished.
Couple that with the “professional courtesy” of a bullying school failing to crack down on actual bullies, and instead cracking down on the docile who don’t perfectly remain so, and bullying culture is perpetuated.
The schools are on the absolute wrong track about bullying, and fighting at school. When I was in school, there was such a thing as self defense and if you had witnesses or could otherwise convince the Principal you were not the aggressor you were off the hook.
Now schools have a “zero tolerance” for bullying and fighting, so what happens is even if you try to physically defend yourself or another you are in just as much trouble as the aggressor. The bully often does not care if he is suspended or otherwise punished so they get away with bullying.
Students have been raised with this “zero tolerance” BS and they are convinced they cannot, must not stand up for themselves or another student. I think this builds to a frustration level that causes school threats, shootings, and suicide.
People say fist fighting doesn’t solve anything but I have seen it solve bullying and aggressive behavior. That is how it used to work, the kid being bullied or an older sibling or friend would beat up the bully and it worked. Might have been crude but it was effective. In my mind a fist fight is bad actually, but not as bad as shootings and suicide- or a kid putting up with years of bullying.
20-30 years ago, the schools ignored it unless blood was drawn or bones were broken in the mistaken belief it built character.
Today, it really depends on the context:
* black on white assaults, they ignore/minimize because it is racist in their minds to expect civilized behavior from blacks; liberal bigotry creates real bigots of those abused and then ignored by authority
* bullying of sexual minorities is horrific and all involved and accused of involvement are punished harshly; unfair double standards while teaching the minorities that power comes from victimhood, cry and you have moral authority
* generic bullying is seen as bad but they cannot police everything, but when a victim defends themselves, they are punished because liberals consider all violence equally bad; this trains good kids to be victims of the bad kids
* misplaced compassion for various victim groups (ethnic minorities, kids from broken homes) leads to more of them going to prison because they aren’t severely punished for moderate offenses in school early. If Trayvon had been punished for theft and drugs at 13, he’s unlikely to have been casing houses to rob at 16.
We had a neighborhood bully pushed everyone around. We ended up butting heads and I thumped him twice and he steered clear of me and my brothers.
I told my kids growing up, take your part and make them pay a price. If you are ganged up on let them know you will catch each one of them alone and kick their a$$. My oldest son ran into a bully in first grade and he kept telling me about it and I asked have you told your teacher? Yes. Did she stop it? No. Figures, they are are useless. Then the next time you tear into him and make them pull you off of him before you stop hitting him. But I will get in trouble! Yes you will but not at home, I will back you.
He came home a few more days whining around and I finally said, you know what to do, I don’t want to hear about it anymore. The next day he hit back and the bully left him alone for good.
What is funny is he became more sheep dog than sheep at that point. A few years later in a summer camp him and little sister and brother were attending they had a bully who was bothering even tiny kids up to the bigger ones except for my oldest son, they were the same age.
This went on for a week or so and the bully said something to my youngest son, way smaller and younger, didn’t hit him, just said something. My oldest waited for the camp aids to disappear and he caught the bully in the bathroom and administered a stomping to him with the words, you touch another kid, any kid we will do this all summer long and the abuse stopped dead in its tracks! Years later I was talking to a teacher in this camp and my oldest son’s name came up and I mentioned the story and she grinned and said, we wondered what changed with the bully. She just winked and said, he did good! He turned out to be a cop.