Posted on 12/13/2016 9:18:03 AM PST by Kaslin
A few weeks ago, I had my 52nd birthday. You don’t get any new privileges when you turn 52. Nonetheless, I still love birthdays. Among the many reasons is that I always get a funny card from my parents who retired in The Woodlands, Texas. As long as I can remember, they have always sent me humorous birthday cards. In fact, I can never remember a time when they sent something serious. It’s just a family tradition for which I take the blame. Mom says I was born laughing and that probably accounts for much of the levity in the selection of cards.
When I checked the mail on the day before my birthday this year, there was no card from my parents. It was the first time that had ever happened. However, on Monday when I went back to check the mail an envelope was there with my parents’ return address. But this time something was different. The envelope was addressed to me in my mother’s handwriting instead of my father’s. I opened it up, removed the card, and read the following:
Can’t look at you
without feeling
a surge of pride.
Can’t hear your voice
without smiling.
Can’t remember
your growing-up years
without a little tug
at the heartstrings.
Can’t let your birthday go by
without reminding you
how very much you’re loved.
The writing at the end of the card was also my mother’s. The reason was that my father, Joe Adams, could no longer hold a pen to write. He was diagnosed with brain cancer in September. By the end of October he had lost his capacity to do many things he had done before. By November, he had lost the ability even to feed himself.
There is a reason for the change in tone of the 52nd birthday card I received from my parents. When they picked it out they knew it would be the last one they would ever send to me. The time for levity had passed. There were some things they had to say. And I am glad they did. It’s the best card I have ever received from them or from anyone else. I will hold on to it and cherish it forever.
I’ve been pre-occupied these last few months and I’ve been writing very little. Indeed, this is one of the shortest columns I have ever written. I know that it comes at a time when people are starting to select cards to send to their loved ones. Maybe some of you reading this come from one of those families with a tradition of sending humorous cards for birthdays and holidays. Maybe you’ve been doing it as long as you can remember. If you are like most people, you never know which ones you send will be your last.
I hope that readers of this short reflection will do themselves and their loved ones a favor this year. When you select your cards, imagine each one you select will be the last one you send to them. This is especially true for those who have had a rift in their families during this election season. I know I’ve lost a few friends – although my family suffered no political casualties. Regardless, never forget that politics is temporary and death is permanent.
Just make sure you say the things that need to be said before it is too late. It’s taken me over half a century to understand just how important that is.
Please Freepmail me if you want to be added, readded, or removed
Great now I’m crying.
Lost my dad in March. I don’t remember when he sent his last card because he got Alzheimer’s and slowly disappeared. He never knew he would send a last card. We don’t know what will be. Good post.
Mom, 84, had a BRUTAL Sicilian Mafioso father. She would tell me when she was just 8, she would think about running in front of a car instead of going home to him again.
She ended up being a good, and quirky mom :)
But she doesn’t like the hugging or mushy cards. Probably because of her pop.
My pop was perfect for her because he was very kind and loving and understanding and she wasn’t easy to put up with :)
I’ve caused her more than enough grief in my early years, but have treated her very well or a while now.
Thing is, she doesn’t want to hear what I would like to tell her She would say “oh that’s silly talk”.
So I will give her the usual “Merry Christmas” card and keep the mushy stuff to myself.
Your dad and a pet? :(
Sorry.
For too many of us the moment we understand this wisdom is one or two moments too late.
When young, one never, ever, thinks of events in such terms.
But as one gets to middle-age and beyond, and you experience dying parents, relatives, friends, or even institutions that played a part in one's life, you can't help but think in such a way.
Nope.
You tell her (in a card) precisely the message you have posted here!
Merry Christmas S.I.!
XOXOXO
Thank you Onyx.
As usual, you’re right.
Merry Christmas!!!!
I lost everyone that was dear to me, with the exception of my only son, within a span of five years then was diagnosed with cancer. I have since recovered. I continue to remember all of the good times and thank God for the precious time he has graciously given me.
Getting old is for the birds.
Mr. niteowl77
I’m very sorry for Mike’s loss, but what makes him think that this will be his “last” birthday card from his parent(s). He will celebrate many more birthdays, and his mom will send many more cards. She’s not going to give up being a mom and remembering him just because his dad is no longer able to. Buck up, Mike, and think of this as a “special” card — not the last.
I’ve lost three members of my immediate family: mother, father, and a brother. I have regrets with them all. But the way I look at it, if they are where I’d like to think they are, they aren’t holding any grudges. And the last thing they’d want is for me to be torturing myself over some unfinished business with them.
If they’ve forgiven me, then I have a right to forgive myself.
OHG, dp, you really HAVE to pick the most mundane Christmas card you can find, then write on the left side of the card EXACTLY what you wrote here. Don’t change a word.
I promise you, your Mom will keep this card and pull it out once in a while to read it again. I swear to you this is true.
After she goes to her great reward, you will find this card in an easily accessible place showing signs of much handling. Trust me.
I will Auntie.
I promise.
Thank you.
The aunts never told her that they were all dead. It was very sad, she was cheating at whist a week before she died a 90 year habit.
For too many of us the moment we understand this wisdom is one or two moments too late. <<<
Yup!...but maybe thats planned too!........we never get tooo old to learn...
Mike & The Mechanics: The Living Years
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uGDA0Hecw1k
Thanks for sharing your beautiful letter. Prayers for your family. Both my parents are gone and I will be 65 in 8 days. Birthdays suck when your parents are gone. Dad 1995 and Mom 2007. Hope you write a nice letter back to them. God bless!
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