Am I wrong to expect that those who have private lives that do not meet the ideals of their religion should not flaunt them?
That’s key! If I attend a church but I’m privately engaged in sinful activities, then other believers won’t know and will be unable to help restore me. If, on the other hand, I reveal those sins and claim they’re permitted, i.e. not sin, then the other believers are forced to act. That’s the problem with many modern churches. They only know one scripture: “Judge not lest you be judged.” But that’s not even in context, or they’d know the church MUST police it’s own members. How in the world can any body of believers be effective with open heresy in their midst? The heretic will tear down everything.