I know SAAB back in the old days used to do a moose collision test.
Posted on 03/03/2016 5:26:48 AM PST by SJackson
AZY MOUNTAIN -- On a recent cold night, I decided to wash some dishes.
My wife and I live in a little dry cabin up near Hatcher Pass, which is to say we don't have running water. So I put a big pot on the propane stove to heat, rousted the dogs and took the 5-gallon bucket of dirty dishwater from under the sink to go dump it in the outhouse.
I was a little over halfway there when the heavy crunching started in the snow about 15 feet away, behind a large birch tree.
The dogs, Biscuits and Slippi, had been lazing in front of the wood stove all evening and were even slower to react than me. By the time they started barking, I had already hustled ahead to the outhouse and was just starting to open the door when a second moose charged around the far side and rushed by me, so close I could have reached out and felt its fur.
The moose skidded to a stop right where I'd been walking a moment before, head lowered aggressively, threatening the dogs.
With a little distance now between us -- maybe 12 feet -- I could tell it wasn't a big moose, just a juvenile male. But I'm not a total idiot. Even a small moose can plow through a 195-pound man as if he were a sock puppet. The other small moose was now emerging from the birch stand, so my odds weren't getting any better.
It's dangerous enough to be so close to a couple of agitated animals, but what worried me most was the one I didn't see. Because at that point I hadn't determined if they were on their own or if Mom was around, maybe standing right there in my blind spot -- just beyond the thin plywood door.
I love encounters with wildlife. That's one of the main reasons my wife and I gravitate toward the rustic life in Alaska. But as much as I love gazing at wild things, I don't really relish the idea of getting trampled or kicked, so I ducked the rest of the way inside the outhouse and let the door clap shut behind me.
If you're trapped Here's some advice if you ever find yourself trapped in an outhouse under similar circumstances:
1) Don't think about how terrible it would be if a hypothetical mama moose heard you shuffling around and kicked in the door so your wife found you after she got home and a reporter found out and wrote about it, so everyone on the planet learned your name because you died by getting kicked to death in an outhouse.
2) If possible, go back in time and bring a coat, bear spray and some mirrors on sticks that will help you quickly figure out where the moose are standing when things get chaotic outside.
3) Go ahead and empty that dishwater bucket while you're waiting, because an empty bucket is about to come in handy.
I dumped the bucket down the Hole of No Return, then stood there listening. The sounds were muffled, and I couldn't tell if they were coming from a small moose a few feet in front of the outhouse or a bigger, meaner, more maternal one getting ready to destroy the first person to pop out.
To make things worse, the dogs were barking like crazy, but not working together with any kind of wolf-like strategy that might have driven the moose away. In fact, when I cracked the door to get a peek, I could see the larger dog was now sitting over on the porch, his hackles up, acting tough. The smaller one was barking somewhere on the other side of the moose, probably behind some trees. I wanted to yell at the dogs to shut up but one of the moose was now within kicking distance of the thin outhouse door.
For 10 minutes, I stood in there, alternately holding my breath, listening, peeking out, trying to figure out if these were larger calves with their mother or adolescents experiencing the joy of messing with humans.
Punk teenage moose Finally, I'd seen enough and convinced myself they were old enough to be on their own. But they were still too close for me to leave the outhouse. So there I continued to wait while the dogs barked and the moose meandered 3 or so feet at a time, looked around, backtracked, grunted, took another couple of steps the other way. Eventually, they got used to the ruckus and just started eating birch saplings.
That was enough. They were still closer than I liked but I wasn't going to stand there in an outhouse all night while a couple of punk teenage moose snacked.
So I opened the door and threw the empty bucket so it landed with a clatter right behind the nearest moose. They took off into the trees, maybe 20 feet before they felt safe.
I stuck my head out of the outhouse and called the dogs. Both of them came over from the porch, wary, even scared, as if that thing in the outhouse wearing the headlamp and talking with my voice might be some kind of undercover moose.
Then the three of us made the short walk back to the cabin, where the dogs continued to laze about in front of the fire and I finally got started on those dishes.
That's something that I'd forgotten about....hauling wood. Woodpile was outside and would freeze together, so I needed to bring a sledgehammer to knock off what I wanted, then carry it inside to fill up the woodbox. I suspect mom and dad were glad when I was old/big enough to do that for them, it wasn't a fun job. :-)
We had a well. Artesian, not dug - dug wells freeze solid. Water was delicious, but that varies from location to location. In the mountains, the water has a high copper content, so it's got a really strong metallic taste.
Things have changed some since I've been there. Lots of people use pellet stoves for heat - much easier to have someone with a forklift drop off 3-4 pallets of pellets, than cut, split, and stack 6-10 cords of wood. Lots more people use gas for heat now, that's cheaper than filling up an oil tank (what I used to see). 300-400 gallons of heating oil, when it's up over $3.00 a gallon, puts a ding in your budget.
And, I'm not sure what you mean by mufflers....dad had a collection of CAR mufflers that had been knocked off by the frost heave. :-) I'm thinking that you're thinking of something else.
Good Luck!
I know SAAB back in the old days used to do a moose collision test.
Not quite as bad as it looks.
The driver broke her wrist (and desperately needed a bath!).
.50cal Beowulf with 425gr HPs works better.
Not my fault.
We had to make up rhymes in Boy Scouts about things that could hurt you. I did one about mooses.
“A moose in the river
Will make you shiver.
A moose in the trees
Will shake your knees.
But a moose in the grass
Will kick your.....”
I didn’t get that badge.
Nor mine.
Now, this is just WRONG !
Couldn't resist. "Are moose dangerous?" Man, talk about a setup.....
Looks worse than that at times.
Always cart a rifle to the outhouse.
At least that was a tip I was handed should I ever find myself out that way.
How accurate is it?
Not to worry. The Mister and I have been living in Northern Maine for a long time and have yet to be attacked by moose. We see them frequently, and have had some semi-scary encounters while snowmobiling, but mostly they are just a driving hazard. You definitely don’t want to hit one. As long as you don’t make it a habit to drive at night it’s likely you won’t.
Maine is a lovely state, however, rural New England has it’s share of lowlifes just like everywhere else. It’s the other people who make it worthwhile and we really like it here. One great thing about No. Maine is the fact that you can buy a large piece of arable acreage for 500.00 an acre or less. This has contributed to an influx of Amish and Mennonites, who in my estimation make really good neighbors. This part of Maine is an undiscovered gem. Most Mainers think there be dragons here, they have no idea what it’s really like and how it is big sky country, similar to a western landscape - big rolling hills, expansive views and tons of space to roam with very few people. Cheap old farmhouses abound.
Mrs. AV
Yes, more dangerous than bears.
They will kick/trample you until you’re dead. Do not think of them as deer. Momma Moose are intensely interested in killing you if you approach their young.
Yes, they are dangerous. They have no fear of humans and dogs are an enemy as they think a dog is a wolf. They are also unpredictable. We have a lot of them around us in my part of Colorado, but injuries to people are rare.
Most problems happen from hitting them with cars, which usually totals the car, and having them attack people walking their dogs due to their hatred of dogs.
I put a comment on the article about an scary encounter I had while fishing. We love seeing them but give them a wide berth.
HA HA that typical day in Rural Alaska LOL!
I would be carrying something. A large caliber revolver, at the very least. A shotgun loaded with slugs if I was in grizzly territory.
I’m taking the fifth on this....wasn’t there, nobody saw me......*backing away slowly*
You know what’s crazy?
More people are killed in Africa every year by hippos than by alligators, by far.
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