Posted on 12/19/2015 3:46:52 PM PST by Kaslin
Should parents "discipline" their children rather than "punish" them? And is this distinction especially important for Christian parents?
Yes and yes.
Far from synonymous, these associated words carry vastly different meanings. As Mark Twain famously said, "The difference between the almost right word and the right word is really a large matter 'tis the difference between the lightning-bug and the lightning."
In the case of discipline and punishment, 'tis the difference between light and lightning.
Big Difference
To discipline one's children is to rebuke, correct, and train them because you love them too much to let them grow into harmful, hateful, ungrateful people. Discipline proceeds from love and mercy.
To punish one's children is to retaliate in a (usually flawed) attempt to exact retribution by imposing pain, shame, or another penalty. Punishment proceeds from wrath and justice.
What's wrong with justice? Not a thing, in proper context, and when its ministers are just. As fallen beings, though, we tend to distort truths and ideals as we imperfectly apply them, leaving catastrophe in our wake.
Context Is King
In the context of societal laws, politics, and defense, administering justice protects the masses. The very possibility of living under just rulers is a gift from God, who (according to Genesis 6-9 and Romans 13) established human government to administer justice in response to increasing human violence on the earth.
In the context of divine judgment, justice is either awesome or terrible, and maybe both, depending on where you stand.
For continuity, take the God of the Bible. At a time he has appointed, God (who is inherently just) will fully dispense his wrath (i.e., justice) on those who fall short of holiness sinners. This category comprises every human, "for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God," and "the wages of sin is death" (Romans 3:23, 6:23). God will make (and has made) special exception for those whose punishment God diverted to his Son, the Christ (i.e., Messiah), who took on human flesh nearly 2,000 years ago in order to qualify as man's substitute, and bore man's punishment (i.e., God's justice) by being crucified. Afterward Christ rose from the dead and appeared to many, proving his sacrifice effective (for "if Christ has not been raised, your faith is futile and you are still in your sins," 1 Corinthians 15:17). A just God will not double-punish. Those who follow Christ will receive (and have received) God's mercy, Christ having absorbed God's justice for them. Those who do not follow Christ will receive God's justice.
Why We Don't Punish
Parents (especially Christian ones) who punish their children i.e., impose shame or pain to try to close the justice gap only widen it, for three reasons.
First, and particularly applicable to Christians: if God does not double-punish, neither should we. Christ was crucified so that our kids don't have to be. (You either.)
Second, as fallen beings, we parents often have a skewed view of justice, frequently calling on God or someone else to rain down justice on others while irrationally exempting ourselves.
Third, outside of a legal system, justice is ours to keep but not to dispense not to our children, and not to others. This is why parents go to the police and courts when someone harms their kids, rather than go vigilante. (Would it be just to imprison, torture, and kill your daughter's rapist? Ultimately, yes. Is it your place to do these things? No. Is it the government's? Partially. Will they all eventually happen? Yes, and eternally, per God's justice unless that depraved person becomes a follower of Christ, in which case Christ has already borne God's justice for him.
This is just psychobabbledegook.
Of course we should correct. (the writer’s definition of discipline)
Of course we should not retaliate. (the writer’s definition of punishment)
Psychobabblers hold definitions hostage. I find that entirely too punitive.
Bust their little rears when they misbehave, so you won’t have to do it when their little rears aren’t little any more.
Punishment needs to be used correctly, and with care, as an aspect of discipline. Punishment is not wrong in itself, but needs to be used to correct the child and encourage him to learn proper behavior.
Reward can also be seen as an aspect of discipline. Punish bad behavior, reward good behavior. Always with discretion.
The young girl I am homeschooling does not respond well to physical punishment (spank), or to restrictions. She does respond well to physical punishment as in running until I say stop, push ups, side straddle hops, etc. This is very much like one endures in Marine Corps boot camp and there is a stress factor to it.
I have actually had people call the police on me when I do this. I try not to do it in public, but the public shaming has an even bigger effect. When the police show I ask if they endured such punishment in the academy. The answer is always yes. My response is that it is highly unlikely that they were treated in an illegal manner during law enforcement training. If what I do leaves no marks or harms in anyway, other than stressing her, then it is legal. Furthermore, we can address it now or he can deal with her when she is older. They always understand, laugh, and leave.
Her behavior almost immediately changes after incentive training. I think the exercise causes some sort of chemical or hormonal shift. When she was younger, sleeping and eating had similar effects. I had to judge if the behavior was willful disobedience or sleep and food related.
Sometimes when she is having trouble with school work I have her run, but not as a punishment - no stress, just run or ride your bike or walk up the steep hill, often I would go with her. She would always come back and do better. Again, I think there is some sort of physiological change that made her more receptive to work.
I am not saying this is a fix all, just what works with this child. I am pretty certain Mr. and Mrs Manson could have run Chuckie Manson until he coughed up a lung and he still would be what he is.
My dad whipped my ass with a belt, it turned me into the fine citizen I am today, although still with a sore butt.
My technique was not to punish in public, but to clearly indicate to the child that even though he misbehaved in public, he WILL get his payback when at home. And then deliver on the payback when home. Children catch on quite quickly. Then if misbehaving in public again, all it takes is a whisper.
Then you’re not spanking right.
I never used any form of corporal punishment with my children... I was spanked and quickly realized not to get caught next time.
I used time outs with the first... worked well, and with my second... I put her on ignore, literally would not speak to her for an hour.
Not so different from training dogs lol
Hitting dogs doesn’t work... training them does.
As far as schools and abundance of "bums" in schools. Time to revive schools for delinquents.....set up similar to Industry in NYS.
Break these house rules would guarantee discipline, not punishment, with a paddle on the rear end:
1. Lying
2. Hitting a sibling
3.Cursing, even mild words
4. A temper tantrum (passive rebellion)
5. Cheating
If they got the paddle it was a couple of good whacks on the bottom strong enough to sting...
Always we never spanked them in anger or haste.
We explained to them why they were getting disciplined and made sure they understood why...
We made them ask for forgiveness from God and who they sinned against
We also explained why it was important to not do whatever they did again...
It really wasn't that hard to do if you did it consistently and fairly...
Peace reigned in the house because everyone knew the rules and the consequences
Yup.
Have you tried a “standing desk”? This works well for students like her. Instead of sitting, the student stands at a tall workspace. She can move around a bit when she gets the fidgets, yet still be within focus distance of her work. We use a bounce band at school for our son. We ordered ours from Amazon and the school gets theirs from a special education sensory distributor. It’s a thick polymer band that goes across the front two rungs of his desk chair. There is a piece of PVC pipe on each leg so that it doesn’t slip down. He puts his feet on it and bounces as much, or as little, as he needs.
Sure, because kids always listen carefully to their parents and contemplate their words of wisdom.
NOT!
It isn’t either, or.
Discipline means teaching and training while they are learning.
Punishment is reserved for when they willfully disobey what they know they shouldn’t.
The definition of proper discipline changes with our ever leaning left culture.
When I was a kid, and acted up at school, the teacher came along and slapped my hand with a ruler. Hurt like hell.
At home it was a spanking.
I’ve never been in jail, charged with a felony, defaulted on a loan, had to be on welfare. I don’t hate my parents and I visited that teacher several times long after I graduated, she even fixed me breakfast once.
Most folks of my era went through the same and turned to be the same. We are responsible people with respect for others as well as ourselves.
Now what about the snowflakes? What good can be said of them?????????????????????
Punishment IS disciplining. . . .try telling this crap to any football coach or Army drill instructor. . . Michael T. Hamilton. . .DOWN AND GIVE ME 50 PUSH-UPS!!!
College students these days need some punishment.
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