JFK Airport officials filter fecal matter in search for drugs

The Washington Times ^ | February 22, 2015 | Stephen Dinan

[Tolerance Sucks Rocks]

The federal government is looking for doctors to help monitor suspected smugglers’ bowel movements at John F. Kennedy International Airport in New York, in a solicitation that sounds like it could be something out of the Discovery Channel’s “Dirty Jobs” program.

In reality it’s all a very sanitary process and even includes a special high-tech toilet to recover the drugs or other contraband from the other waste passing from the suspected smuggler’s system.

But the details, described in a new solicitation for doctors to assist U.S. Customs and Border Protection, underscore the efforts smugglers will go to in trying to get their goods into the country, and the lengths the government will go to try to flush them out.

Doctors must be available round-the-clock in case CBP officers suspect they have a “swallower,” which is what internal drug smugglers are known as. The doctors are charged with X-raying or otherwise examining suspects’ body cavities, and if drugs are found, the work order says “the detainee may be held for a monitored bowel movement (MBM) to wait the passage of the contraband material.”

“During the MBM, the detainee will remain in the medical facility under the care and monitoring of the contractor,” CBP said.

Airport Medical Offices at JFK currently holds the contract, which was last renewed in 2009. The company ignored phone and web messages seeking comment. The Department of Homeland Security officer in charge of the contract didn’t respond to a request for more details, but CBP in a statement said the medical program is a key law enforcement tool that maintains “the highest levels of integrity, dignity and respect” for all involved.

[Tolerance Sucks Rocks]

War on Drugs Combined Nanny State PING! and DANG!

[GeronL]

Now hiring

BRD Screener

[Michael.SF.]

Let me be the first:

Now that is a shi### job!

[mkmensinger]

I suppose this would be one of Obama’s “shovel ready jobs”.

[Ken H]

Doctors must be available round-the-clock in case CBP officers suspect they have a “swallower,” which is what internal drug smugglers are known as.

As opposed to a 'spitter'?

[Forgotten Amendments]

I'm not into "shock jocks". But, about 20 years ago, they had a case like this @ Dulles & a DEA agent had to monitor the subject's ... you know.

GREASEMAN read the story. Then said, "You just KNOW this is the job they gave to ... the new guy."

[Steely Tom]

“So, where did you say you found the filched fecal matter filter?”

[al baby]

Omg lmao

[Fresh Wind]

...and the lengths the government will go to try to flush them out.

He said flush. Heh, heh, heh.

[dainbramaged]

Detaining suspected dope smugglers until they crap in a bucket has been going on for a long time. Used to be mostly Nigerian heroin mules in the 90’s on the east coast IIRC.

[Jack Hydrazine]

Gotta throw this Weird Al song into the mix.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ijhuRfMGU2A

[NFHale]

Somehow... for government workers.... it seems, I dunno, appropriate work...

[Alamo-Girl]

Thanks for the ping!

[tumblindice]

Bowel Movement Monitor II, DHS, $39-42K
The successful candidate will demonstrate a proficiency for
straining semi-solid materials into manageable portions and
then rolling said portions into little balls.
Ask for Mr. Hankey