Posted on 12/30/2014 8:11:18 AM PST by NetAddicted
A Casualty of Love: the daughter of two moms speaks out. (Guest Post) Askme / 2 weeks ago I was raised by my biological mother and her same-sex partner. I have only a few fuzzy memories of my father: a phone call here and there, his deep and unfamiliar voice wishing me a happy birthday, and a dim picture of the way the furniture had been arranged in his house. I have less than a handful of pictures of him. My mom and dad were married for a short time but she left him when I was too young to remember. She always knew she was gay and she wanted a chance to be happy with someone she really loved—with a woman.
http://www.dpreview.com/galleries/1005001232/photos/567218/baby-girls-shadow-cast
I was raised in an area that was pretty liberal, open, and accepting of gays and lesbians. I know my mother experienced a lot of pain at the hands of others because of her sexuality, but as a child of same-sex parents, I was never mistreated because of it. I had two loving mothers who cared for my every need and with whom I have many wonderful and sweet memories. There was one need, however, that they could never meet no matter how much they loved me: the need for a father.
I love my mom deeply, fiercely, and unconditionally. She is an incredible woman, but I cannot pretend that her decision to leave my father and raise me with another woman did not have long-term and devastating consequences for me. I am a casualty of same-sex parenting. You see, I also love my absent father. I love a man whom I don’t even know. A man who, by all accounts, is a lousy father. I don’t know why I love him, I just do. When you are separated from a parent, for whatever reason, a wound is inflicted upon you. I ached for my father to love me. I ached for the father I knew I would never have. Losing my father was a tragedy in my life and it is a loss that I feel deeply every day. It’s a loss that can be ignored or numbed, for a short time, but never forgotten. Growing up without my dad colored everything about me. I had abandonment issues. I expected and feared that everyone close to me would leave me. Even as an adult I still grieve for what was taken from me. It wasn’t until my husband and I had children and I watched him with our kids that the full weight of what I’d lost with my own father hit me. And it hit me like a ton of bricks. Many people believe that so long as a child has two parents, gender doesn’t matter. But it does. I shouldn’t love my dad, but I do. I should love my “other mom,” but I don’t. I can’t change that, though I’ve definitely tried.
My relationship with my “other mom” was awkward. She helped raise me through my most formative years and I cannot recall life without her. I have many fond memories with her, but what I mostly remember is how awkward and uncomfortable our relationship felt. I had a mom, a dad whom I ached for, and then I had her. I hated the times she would try to parent me by offering me comfort or discipline. I accepted her only as my mom’s partner, not as a parent. Later, when she and my mom split up I felt relieved. I felt sad for my mom but I didn’t miss my “other mom” despite the fact that she raised me as her own daughter.
As a child growing up within the gay community, I was exposed to a lot of inappropriate things very early on. From the adult toys and pornographic magnets in the local gay and lesbian bookstore, to the men who parade around in S&M costumes at gay pride festivals. My interaction with and exposure to these parts of the larger gay culture and my missing father created the perfect storm that led to my early sexualization. As I got older, I used attention from boys to try to fill the wound my missing father left. I found myself in two abusive relationships in college because I was looking for the love and approval of a man but I had no idea how a good man should treat me. I accepted almost anyone who would “love” me.
Do I wish my mom lived a miserable life married to a man she didn’t love? No. I want my mom to be happy. But I also wish that she and my dad did love each other and that somehow it could have worked out. Her happiness cost me a great deal. We have to recognize that all children of same-sex parents are being raised in brokenness. Something precious and irreplaceable has been taken from us. Two loving moms, or two dads, can never replace the lost parent. In my case, and in many like mine, I was raised by same-sex parents because I was intentionally separated from my other biological parent and then told that “all that matters is love” and “love makes a family”. Love matters, but accepting and promoting same-sex parenting promotes the destruction of families, not the building of families.
Excellent points. You will never hear this in the MSM. The MSM only pushes homosexuality and homosexual partner parenting in a positive manner.
Interesting though, that the MSM does talk about issues such as domestic violence. But never talks about domestic violence in the homosexual community.
Has she been pilloried by the LGBT...EIEIO press yet?
If you substitute a stepfather for the other mother, I can’t see much difference in a child’s longing for her biological father.
"Accepting and promoting same-sex parenting promotes the destruction of families, not the building of families."
I’ve told people, a husband and wife are needed for children, for the boy to see how a wife behaves and a husband treats her. What to expect from a woman and how he should treat her. For the girl to see what she should expect from a man, how the male treates his spouse. If all is loving the kids should turn out ok.
I guess there isn't any to report. That must be the reason I'm sure.
< /sarc >
Yes, she was mistreated.
Ahhhh - quit whining! What is the future of a child compared to the immediate sexual gratification of an adult?
This is true.
BTW - why does our society equate happiness and sexual gratification?
If your point is that she misses her father, whether or not she was in this same-sex family, and if that leads to the idea that any situation without the dad is approximately the same, I don’t think so.
She perceives it as all involved with her abnormal life. And it IS abnormal. So it is how she perceives it, that gives us the clue - as if we already don’t know - it’s a life situation that goes beyond a divorce/blended family type thing.
Millions of kids have experienced that situation, or maybe their dad didn’t have to leave or mom didn’t have to leave him to cause the problem, because the dad never was involved, from conception on, or was only distantly and vaguely involved.
Make no mistake - it’s how she perceives this, that tells us more is going on with it, than just an absent dad she longs for.
This is not normal.
It is more “not normal” than a missing dad for other reasons.
I predict it will only be a matter of time before stories such as this come out in droves, in such a tsunami of social unrest even the leftist media won't be able to suppress it. (Although they'll always ignore it)
Homosexual couples adopting or artificially inseminating their way to “parenthood” has only recently become a widespread phenomenon. Soon there will be a whole generation of adults who had “two mommies” or “two daddies”.
And they'll be voting.
I just hope they come to terms with the true cause of pain in their life and don't transfer it to another hapless convenient scapegoat, like “those bigoted Christians”.
“If you substitute a stepfather for the other mother, I can’t see much difference in a child’s longing for her biological father.”
Exactly. A similar situation occurs with adoptees. When they search and find a bio-parent, it is most times a big eye opening disappointment,though.
Thank you to the author. So few have the courage to state the obvious. Bob
Profound. I think my sons would say the same thing about their mother, who left me in their teen years. They are fairly distant from their mother now because she often was not available to them because she was pursuing her own "happiness" (though not lesbian relationships), which now seems to be elusive for her.
My sons just shake their heads at what she has done to them and our family . . . pretty much to attain a bad ending all around. Sad.
Agreed. Words have meaning, and “family” does not mean two dykes playing self-indulgent make-believe games, as this poor woman illustrates.
Very good article. Did mother keep the father away from her? Did her father get discouraged and quit this woman due to a new (normal) family living in another state? The other (non biological) mother is an inferior substitute for the father. Girls need interaction with the primary male and female in the family to learn life, not some secondary mother who seems to have had little love for her
At least the writer turned out OK in a normal marriage even though she is in pain due to daddy issues
“Her happiness cost me a great deal.”
Change “Her” to “Their” and I’ve found the perfect epitaph.
That would make me a pedophile if I did the same thing, but since they are not Christians involved in relations to the opposite gender, they “do no wrong” and are always victims according to the MSM.
There is a good reason why my wife and I left King of Prussia after we got married, we wanted our home away from that area for our own children’s sake. And that is only talking stuff advertised to those of the opposite gender.
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