Posted on 10/19/2014 7:14:14 AM PDT by rktman
It seems the U.S. Forest Service recently published a 700-word guide on how to safely roast marshmallows. (The publication was released in time for Aug.30, which was officially, I kid you not, “National Roasted Marshmallow Day.” Your tax dollars at work.)
This comprehensive article suggests that a 10-foot buffer between children and a fire is a good rule of thumb. Roasting sticks should be at least 30 inches in length. (Do the math for how long a kid’s arm will have to be to roast marshmallows from 10 feet away with a 30-inch stick.) Oh, and don’t eat too many marshmallows, since a lot of sugar may prevent children from sleeping well. And be careful of all those nasty calories and unhealthy ingredients in s’mores. Instead, we can roast thin slices of fruit and angel food cake for a “healthier” snack. “You’re still having campfire fun, but the focus is on a healthier evening snack,” the guide gravely informs us.
(Excerpt) Read more at wnd.com ...
Best use of the guide is to use it to start the fire.
Probably printed on fire safe paper. Kinda like the “FSC” on the side of my pack of Marlboros.
It will probably give you a rash if you use it as TP.
Too much pressure can lead to friction burns and improper handle design can result in carpal tunnel syndrome. Lack of a time cut-off switch can cause fire.
This is especially important for agencies such as the SEC where large numbers of employees watch porn all day.
Bingo!
They would be doing something useful if they put out a guide on how to keep bears away from your campsite.
No, the one they put out doesn’t work, so I don’t count that. There is a way that really does work!
Pick up a few cans of cheap spray paint, and a bacon rind from the local butcher shop.
Smear the bacon rind all over the cans of paint, and toss them in different places 50 yards out, all around your campsite.
Trust me, the bears will smell them before anything else.
One exploding paint can in their mouth will forever satisfy their curiosity of campsites within 10 miles of that location!
Lack of a time cut-off switch can cause fire.
It can catch fire while in use?!... that a bit disturbing...
Do they recommend clean cutting all the brush back 3 feet to form a fire break?
Some guys in Alaska used to wrap bacon around a can of automotive starting fluid which is mostly ether.
So did this story - about 2 thirds of the way down.
sorry, I couldn’t get that far.....
Either one will work, and it works the first time, every time!
What does marshmallows and smores have to do with ‘pro-life’ and your Catholic ping list???
Hot! Don’t touch!
There, saved 697 words and if the kid ignores the warning he’ll remember that fire burns and burns hurt. He will be more careful in the future.
WND hits new low in sensational journalism.
But, but, but......what about contaminating the erf due to those ruptured paint cans?
Choose biodegradable paint.
“But, but, but......what about contaminating the erf due to those ruptured paint cans?”
No, the bears save the erf by growling and rolling around after biting down on the paint can, cleaning the erf with their fur in the process.
If no bears come around you collect the cans for later use, with the erf no worse for the wear.
Now you've gone and done it! EXPLODES is a key word that will guarantee the NSA, FBI, BATFE, HOMELAND SECURITY, CIA, DIA (& others whom I am not at liberty to mention) will be intercepting all of your electronic communications forever more, until the end of time!!!
Ah crap, now I'm on the list too...
Regards,
GtG
Control freaks talk too much.
Slice pineapple into rings (do I really need to mention peeling and removing the core first?), dip in melted butter, dip again in sugar/cinnamon mix. Slap the pineapple on your bbq grill for a few minutes per side. Remove pineapple from grill, place in bowl, dip homemade vanilla ice cream over the pineapple and enjoy.
Other than that, pineapples should never get that close to S'mores.
You can however, substitute a Reese's peanut butter cup for your chunk of chocolate. MMMMMMM. GOOD!
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