Posted on 09/05/2014 11:50:15 AM PDT by Tolerance Sucks Rocks
The U.S. Forest Service celebrated National Roasted Marshmallow Day the only way a government agency knows how — by telling people how not to roast smores.
“Never start a campfire when there are fire restrictions in place,” the jovial blog post says. “Be sure you are at least 15 feet from tent walls, trees or other flammable objects.” It also recommends keeping children at least 10 feet from the campfire, ensuring that they take no part in dangerous marshmallow melting.
Once minors have been safely sequestered out of sight, “let’s get to the marshmallow basics. Use a roasting stick of at least 30 inches in length.” The post provides no guidance as to the sanitation of said stick, however.
No doubt with the fearsome specter of Michelle Obama lurking over their shoulders, the agency also suggests replacing chocolate with fruit: “Grill thin slices of pineapple and substitute chocolate for the sweet, warm fruit. You will still get a tasty treat but by substituting with fruit, it is healthier – as long as you watch the amount of marshmallows used. If you want to cut down even more on calories, try using slices of angel food cake instead of graham crackers.” (RELATED: Michelle Obama Causes America’s ‘Best Cafeteria Cookie’ To Be Outlawed)
To limit the “amount of marshmallows used,” they helpfully propose substituting “marshmallow crème”–”a spreadable version of marshmallows that helps you more easily regulate portion.”
Tags for the blog post include “safety,” “recreation,” and “glamping”–a portmanteau of “glamour” and “camping,” which Fodor’s Travel explains “brings the comfort of a hotel into the great outdoors.”
Recommendations become suggestions.
Suggestions become goals.
Goals become targets.
Targets become laws...............
Get a marshmallow, put it on a stick, and wait in a forest (preferably National) for a lightning strike.
This is now a natural fire, and when said fire approaches you, hold out the stick till the marshmallow gets ‘just right’. Continue s’more construction, limiting said calories per MooseShell instructions.
Isn’t camping fun? Brought to you by the US Govt.
we can’t use the word target anymore since Gabby Giffords’ unfortunate run in with a liberal loony.
do I really need a sarc tag?
“Okay for them to publish recommendations, better than making it into a LAW.”
WRONG!!!!!!!!!! Recommendation was created with stolen tax dollars. Money coerced by LAW.
I came across a S’mores reference the other week. Goes back to the Girl Scouts in the 1920s, iirc.
And the Democrats say there is no waste left to be cut from the government.
If you stand ten feet away from a fire you can’t feel the fire.
I'll agree to the 30" stick though, not for burn purposes, but for the fact that my back aches after bending over the fire with anything shorter. Kids hold their own.
Only the Obamas could make a camping tradition into a liberal ‘No you can’t do that’ statement.
Messin up the smores is half the fun. burning your marshmallow, getting chocolate all over.
yummmm
I never made smores when I was a kid. But I started building and tending campfires when I was about eight. If anyone had told me that I had to stand 10 ft. away from the fire ... I would have been a very unhappy camper.
Learning how to be safe around the fire is a critical life skill. Way beyond just a campfire.
Just think, some bureaucrat’s slack jawed pot smoking relative, who is otherwise totally unemployable, finally got a job with dad and made his historical stupid recommendation. Shame they don’t put a name and a face with these idiotic regulations.
Thanks for the ping!
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.