Posted on 06/25/2014 8:47:40 PM PDT by fkabuckeyesrule
I've held off on writing about soccer for a decade -- or about the length of the average soccer game -- so as not to offend anyone. But enough is enough. Any growing interest in soccer can only be a sign of the nation's moral decay.
(1) Individual achievement is not a big factor in soccer. In a real sport, players fumble passes, throw bricks and drop fly balls -- all in front of a crowd. When baseball players strike out, they're standing alone at the plate. But there's also individual glory in home runs, touchdowns and slam-dunks.
In soccer, the blame is dispersed and almost no one scores anyway. There are no heroes, no losers, no accountability, and no child's fragile self-esteem is bruised. There's a reason perpetually alarmed women are called "soccer moms," not "football moms."
Do they even have MVPs in soccer? Everyone just runs up and down the field and, every once in a while, a ball accidentally goes in. That's when we're supposed to go wild. I'm already asleep.
(2) Liberal moms like soccer because it's a sport in which athletic talent finds so little expression that girls can play with boys. No serious sport is co-ed, even at the kindergarten level.
(3) No other "sport" ends in as many scoreless ties as soccer. This was an actual marquee sign by the freeway in Long Beach, California, about a World Cup game last week: "2nd period, 11 minutes left, score: 0:0." Two hours later, another World Cup game was on the same screen: "1st period, 8 minutes left, score: 0:0." If Michael Jackson had treated his chronic insomnia with a tape of Argentina vs. Brazil instead of Propofol, he'd still be alive, although bored.
Even in football, by which I mean football, there are very few scoreless ties -- and it's a lot harder to score when a half-dozen 300-pound bruisers are trying to crush you.
(4) The prospect of either personal humiliation or major injury is required to count as a sport. Most sports are sublimated warfare. As Lady Thatcher reportedly said after Germany had beaten England in some major soccer game: Don't worry. After all, twice in this century we beat them at their national game.
Baseball and basketball present a constant threat of personal disgrace. In hockey, there are three or four fights a game -- and it's not a stroll on beach to be on ice with a puck flying around at 100 miles per hour. After a football game, ambulances carry off the wounded. After a soccer game, every player gets a ribbon and a juice box.
(5) You can't use your hands in soccer. (Thus eliminating the danger of having to catch a fly ball.) What sets man apart from the lesser beasts, besides a soul, is that we have opposable thumbs. Our hands can hold things. Here's a great idea: Let's create a game where you're not allowed to use them!
(6) I resent the force-fed aspect of soccer. The same people trying to push soccer on Americans are the ones demanding that we love HBO's "Girls," light-rail, Beyonce and Hillary Clinton. The number of New York Times articles claiming soccer is "catching on" is exceeded only by the ones pretending women's basketball is fascinating.
I note that we don't have to be endlessly told how exciting football is.
(7) It's foreign. In fact, that's the precise reason the Times is constantly hectoring Americans to love soccer. One group of sports fans with whom soccer is not "catching on" at all, is African-Americans. They remain distinctly unimpressed by the fact that the French like it.
(8) Soccer is like the metric system, which liberals also adore because it's European. Naturally, the metric system emerged from the French Revolution, during the brief intervals when they weren't committing mass murder by guillotine.
Despite being subjected to Chinese-style brainwashing in the public schools to use centimeters and Celsius, ask any American for the temperature, and he'll say something like "70 degrees." Ask how far Boston is from New York City, he'll say it's about 200 miles.
Liberals get angry and tell us that the metric system is more "rational" than the measurements everyone understands. This is ridiculous. An inch is the width of a man's thumb, a foot the length of his foot, a yard the length of his belt. That's easy to visualize. How do you visualize 147.2 centimeters?
(9) Soccer is not "catching on." Headlines this week proclaimed "Record U.S. ratings for World Cup," and we had to hear -- again -- about the "growing popularity of soccer in the United States."
The USA-Portugal game was the blockbuster match, garnering 18.2 million viewers on ESPN. This beat the second-most watched soccer game ever: The 1999 Women's World Cup final (USA vs. China) on ABC. (In soccer, the women's games are as thrilling as the men's.)
Run-of-the-mill, regular-season Sunday Night Football games average more than 20 million viewers; NFL playoff games get 30 to 40 million viewers; and this year's Super Bowl had 111.5 million viewers.
Remember when the media tried to foist British soccer star David Beckham and his permanently camera-ready wife on us a few years ago? Their arrival in America was heralded with 24-7 news coverage. That lasted about two days. Ratings tanked. No one cared.
If more "Americans" are watching soccer today, it's only because of the demographic switch effected by Teddy Kennedy's 1965 immigration law. I promise you: No American whose great-grandfather was born here is watching soccer. One can only hope that, in addition to learning English, these new Americans will drop their soccer fetish with time.
Demonrats?
I like it.
Couldn’t agree more with Ann.
There have never been any references, by any American military figures in history, using any terms from soccer.
Soccer does not have a ‘hail Mary pass’; a ‘4th down and 10 to go’; or any other terms that can immediately describe the situation.
Soccer is the game of European POW’s, not something Americans need to embrace.
He probably likes the metric system too.
He probably likes the metric system too.
What about pretending to get hit hard to win fouls?
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Just saw on Wednesday afternoon that Brazil has more of those flops pretending to have been fouled than any other team.
Kids like soccer because everyone gets a chance to kick the ball, and it takes very little talent to do so.
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When I was in elementary school in the early ‘50s, we still had PE. In good weather, we sometimes would play “kick ball” on an area of the playground that was about 60 yds. long with goals at each end. .....We were aged about 9-12 at the time and most everyone (boys) took part in all the PE sports, including dodge ball in the gym when it was raining.
In kick ball, there were probably 20-30 players on the field for EACH side. The big ball would be kicked to start and then mayhem would ensue, as everyone tried to get to the ball and kick it toward the opponents’ goal. ....Lots of bloody noses, split lips, skinned elbows, etc.
I think it all helped us boys to grow and be competitive. I’m sure the teachers loved the fact that we were burning off all that energy before they had to have us in their classes.
I’ll grant Ann her wittiness...but talk about grabbing the low hanging fruit. It’s easier, as a political writer/novelist, to go after soccer than lets say weak kneed spineless RINOS (oh wait...that’s who she ENDORSES!)
A lot of kids participate in youth soccer...for a number of reasons. In my families case, soccer was where the nonpolitically connected kids (no grand parent on the school board or parent who “volunteer coaches—wink, wink” and just “happens” to own the local batting cage/indoor baseball facility) went to “play.”
All politics is local, correct? And nothing is more “local” than the club mentality of who PLAYS HS sports. I’ve seen a tiny HS QB who could NOT see over the offensive line, but who was ordained (probably back in kindergarten) to play the position “because his dad did.” And our HS baseball players MUST play “travel ball” (ie, here is the flight schedule to Dulles, “we have games in NoVa this weekend) ...so does those politically charged rosters win? No! It’s the secondary team sports (soccer, volleyball) along w/true talent sports (swimming/track—stop watches don’t lie!) that win because they truly get “athletes.”
I get a lot don’t like soccer, but in many cases it’s a “secondary” HS sport or NOTHING for many kids. They play, they have parents that watch, and we learn to ENJOY the game...and in that spirit I’ll say “USA! USA! USA!”
Thank You Ann Coulter!I have been saying the same thing for years,these people cant have their kids playing baseball and strike out! They cant stand the failure! Just go run around and maybe kick a ball once in awhile,its easier than trying to learn to pitch a baseball over the plate,or learn to field a ground ball,throw it accurately,never mind hitting it.
Not a big soccer fan, but how is baseball interesting or entertaining in any way?
Describe for me a highlight from football, baseball or basketball that does not involve scoring. . .The answer is varied and numerous. . .the catch of a fly ball at the fence, a pick-off play, the double play. . .the intercepted pass, a QB sack, a receiver lays out for a finger tip catch. . .a blocked shot. . a steal, a no look pass. . .Now describe a similar highlight for soccer. . . .crickets, crickets, crickets. . . hello? End of argument.
Watch the "highlights" on ESPN of the day's World Cup matches. . .ball accidentally rolling into the net. . .guy goes nuts. . slides on his knees!!. . .over and over and over!. . The only interesting thing related to soccer EVER was that announcer guy that would scream, "GGGGGGGGGGGGOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL.. GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL every time the ball accidentally went into the net.
“I’ve been enjoying watching the U.S. games. American pride and nice to see a sport where the players ‘look like America.’”
And yet 5 of them and their coach are German.
“There should be a shootout like in hockey if there is a tie.”
There is.
I grew up in a baseball family and still consider it the King of sports.
I had no interest in soccer until I was given a pair of tickets to watch Switzerland play Colombia (and Carlos Valderrama) in a knock-out round game of the 1994 World Cup.
In person, I saw how large the field was, could see how plays were being set up, how long passes were curved around defenders, how European soccer differed from South American soccer, and so on.
You won't find me watching college soccer, but at the World Cup or Olympic level? I'll take it over a NBA game, a golf tournament, a NASCAR race, or tennis any day. Personal preference and the right of FReepers and Americans to have differening opinions.
Makes total sense to me. For example, I can’t stand tacos because of illegals or something. Also, Selma Hayek’s pooper isn’t attractive because of border crossing criminals. Get with the program dude.
‘Salma” you doughhead
I coached my son’s and daughter’s soccer teams when they we in grade school and I have no great dislike for soccer. I think it’s good physical exercise however it does not seem to build any useable skills. It attempts to foster teamwork and comradery but I didn’t notice it having any lasting effects.
The one thing Ann missed here is the dishonesty built into the games rules. If the ref didn’t see it, it didn’t happen and it seems that the number of ref’s is purposely limited to prevent flagrant violations of the rules from being noticed by the officials. The fans however see all of this and it seems to encourage the players to compete for a shadow game of revenge that plays out behind the officials backs.
All this is a mockery of rightful authority and encourages breaking the rules if you can avoid getting caught, which is not one of the values I was taught as child in America.
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