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"What a jackass. Why can’t people live up to their marriage vows?"

Kate, I agree with you totally. McAllister is a cad and a sinner. But I have a contrary point to make, one that my wife agrees with so this is not just a male perspective.

Why do men cheat? Yes, many times just because they can. Politicians by definition exude power, and this both attracts women and makes men feel invulnerable. But sometimes a lack of love, and yes, sex, are the final things that push them over the edge.

This came up in my discussions with my bride when both Elliott Spitzer and Governor Mark Sanford were both caught cheating. They had lovely wives and, by all appearances, nice marriages. I can even write off Spitzer -- as a rich leftist, he perhaps doesn't believe in morality and sin -- but Sanford was a conservative Christian.

Remember when Senator and Presidential candidate John Edwards had that affair with that other gal? You had to look far and wide, but one obscure account had his wife Elizabeth referring to her husband the Senator as "my little hick" and basically disrespecting him. Nothing will drive a man into the arms of another woman more than a wife who doesn't appreciate him for who he is.

As a middle-aged Christian man married for over 20 years, I can say categorically that all wives -- okay, at least 8 out of 10 -- turn off in the sack by age 40. And their husbands are frustrated enough that they talk about it over campfires or on other guy outings after a beer or two loosens their tongue.

An honest liberal named Caitlin Flanagan studied this many years ago, and made the politically incorrect conclusion that while wives are not the ones sinning when a man strays, if a wife wants to keep hubby's eyes focused on her then she needs to make sex ... [this will get me flamed] ... somewhat sacrificial. Dr. Laura made the same point in her book, "Care and Feeding of Husbands."

All those old adages are operative: don't go to bed angry, don't use sex as a weapon, don't go on sex strikes, etc. By age 40, sex is like chocolate to a woman -- a treat to savored on occasion. Sex is like food to a man, something more essential to daily happiness. In other words, if the wife is satisfied with the frequency of sex, then you can bet that her husband is not. If she is turning him down 9 times out of 10, you can bet he is stewing inside, complaining to his friends, and looking more hungrily at other women.

So I stopped jumping to conclusions about men who stray. McAllister is a cad, a weenie, an adulterer, a sinner, a bozo, a dumbsh-t. But as he sits down with his wife to pick up the pieces, I hope that the above points are also topics of discussion.

Seems you don’t know too many women over the age of 40.
Sorry, your theory is backwards in relation to a woman’s age.

I agree with the rest, that being, remaining intimate with your life partner is vital. Just not sure how you came up with the idea that so many women are frigid past 40 years old.

I'll have to disagree in part. I do think men cheat when their wives disrespect them and so, when that's the case, some of the blame - but by no means the bulk of it - should fall on the woman. John Gosselin comes to mind as a particularly hen pecked husband. I don't think there's a person alive who didn't at least partially blame that wife.

However, I think you're wrong about the sex drives of women after 40. A poor sex life is in itself not the cause of a rocky marriage, it is a symptom. If a marriage is good, both partners should be willing to work to meet the other one's needs.

Essentially, the wife needs to make her husband a priority. This is especially true if he is the bread-winner and enables her to focus on the kids. I’ve seen too many SAHM’s end up back in the work force because their husband left. They go from SAHM doing the sandwiches and school pickup to being a single mom with a FT job and the kids in day care. The wives were so focused on the kids, they didn’t notice the husband looking for a wife. And he ended up finding one.

Not to counter completely your point, but I have no desire to have sex with a woman who is doing it as a sacrifice...if she doesn’t want to be having sex with me (unless there is a legitimate physical or emotional reason) any longer, I will find it elsewhere, as will nearly every other person on the planet.

I don’t condone cheating, but it is absolutely unrealistic for any woman to deny her husband sex routinely and then be upset when he goes elsewhere for it. Same would be true if the roles were reversed.

But getting back to my point, if a woman doesn’t want to have sex with me, but is just doing it out of sacrifice and duty, then it sure wouldn’t keep me from straying... if you treat sex like a chore your partner will stray, its only a matter of time.

As to the specifics of this case, who knows why this guy was fooling around, but the fact he was doing it so flagrantly just shows stupidity.

so I've stopped jumping to conclusions about men who stray

I get that, and it's good to read your male perspective. I don't think the argument of "why men stray" applies here, however. This is about politicians who campaign on their conservative family and social values when it's just not so. In those cases, we get an elected official who was probably lying about everything else just to get elected. A real constitutional conservative, pro family, could've won those elections.

As far as who to forgive? Sanford handled things well, and now he's in the HOR. And I think Petreus could've worked past his affair; the issue there was as much that the CIA chief was really dumb to have that stuff online.

I want my elected officials to be role models, and if it's part of their campaign, that's what they should be.