Conservatives Should Point and Laugh as Detroit Dies

The agonizing death of Detroit is cause for celebration. It’s the first of the liberal-run big cities and states to fall, and we should welcome its collapse with glee.

The blue state model is a terminal disease, and Detroit is its poster child. Only this is one telethon where we should pledge that we won’t pay a single dime to keep the progressive party going a single minute longer.

Detroit represents the epitome of the blue state, Democrat machine liberalism that Barack Obama represents. Well, not one damn cent for Barry’s Kids.

Liberal media mouthpieces like the New York Times are all in a tizzy because the consequences conservatives have been warning America about for years are finally arriving. “We have to step in and save Detroit,” it cries.

Steven Rattner, writing in the Times, says “But apart from voting in elections, the 700,000 remaining residents of the Motor City are no more responsible for Detroit’s problems than were the victims of Hurricane Sandy for theirs, and eventually Congress decided to help them.” And apart from the iceberg, the Titanic’s maiden voyage went swimmingly.

This is a problem created by the people of Detroit. It’s their problem to solve – without our money.

If you listen to the hand-wringers, you’ll never hear an honest examination of why Detroit is imploding. Nor do they offer any evidence that the half-wits who elected the quarter-wit Democrats governing them have learned anything at all from this trip to the precipice.

The most hilarious arguments are the ones where liberals whine about the middle class fleeing from the city, taking jobs and the tax base with them. Sure, regular folks took a look at the well-governed, stable, crime-free Utopia that was Detroit and thought, “Yeah, we need to get the hell out of here.”

Liberalism and the political, economic and social pathologies it spawned drove everyone out of Detroit who wasn’t feeding at the municipal trough, whether through some form of government job or some form of government handout.

This isn’t a chicken and the egg brainteaser. It’s simple cause and effect. Liberalism turned Detroit into a hideous dump that milked those who contribute to society to pay off the Democrat machine’s constituents who don’t. People didn’t feel like living in a pig sty while serving as piggy banks for corrupt Democrats. The productive decided that while the non-productive might win by voting at the ballot box, the productive would win by voting with their feet.

Yeah, Detroit had some hard knocks. The auto industry collapsed, which is not surprising since it was the blue state model in corporatist form. But every city takes hits. Dallas and Houston have been slammed again and again by the energy sector, and they keep coming back.

Not Detroit. It keeps milking the “GM went bye-bye” excuse, with its apologists never mentioning that GM didn’t just disappear. GM just went to places that didn’t suck.

What did Detroit do about it? Nothing. The auto industry started changing decades ago, but liberals act as if that change somehow excuses Detroit’s legacy of corruption and incompetence. Detroit’s most significant export in decades was Eminem. That’s reason enough to want to see a stake driven through its metaphorical heart.

But, of course it’s all the Republicans’ fault…for some reason. Rattner says, “If I thought it could pass Congress, I’d happily support a special appropriation, but the politics of any spending are toxic in Washington these days.” Yeah, it is toxic to suggest that those of us who didn’t vote in a succession of criminals to run our governments give our money to morons who did. And, in any sane universe, no one would ever suggest doing so.

But this is the Times, the voice of Big Liberalism. It opines that, “America is just as much about aiding those less fortunate as it is about personal responsibility.” Except, America isn’t about “aiding the less fortunate.” It’s about the “less fortunate” working to make themselves “more fortunate” – understanding that liberals think people become financially stable not through hard work but by dumb luck.

Not surprisingly, in a Times article referring to the miserable condition of a city run by a liberal Democrat machine for half a century, there is no mention of either liberalism or Democrats. That’s like writing about obesity and not mentioning food.

The liberal elite, which loves root causes, absolutely refuses to admit that the root cause of Detroit’s woes is liberalism itself. Liberals are like a drunk who wants the benefits of sobriety while continuing to hoist highballs. Step One is admitting that their ideology has a problem.

Fat chance. For liberalism, the answer is “5,” and it’s the “2 + 2” that’s somehow screwed up.

We conservatives should sit back and giggle as liberalism hits bottom. No, Detroit’s collapse won’t teach liberals anything. The big cities and the blue states will fail no matter what. Liberalism is the locust of political ideologies; it will eat everything in sight and then starve.

But Detroit may serve a useful purpose once again as a cautionary example for future generations, so for that reason as well we should welcome its passing. And as it dies, the last words ringing in its ears should be the voices of laughing conservatives saying, “We told you so.”

Here is a Liberal’s rant at me for tell him Detroit's fail was because of Democrats and Unions.

WARNING: Some extreme language here!!!!!!

How about “thank you Republicans and greedy corporations”? Ever thought of it that way? Let me explain to you what happened to Detroit in terms that you can understand. Let’s say one of you teabaggers is in your trailer making meth in your bathtub when you accidentally pour too much bleach on the cold medicine and realize that you’ve just ruined a perfectly good batch of meth, and you’ll have to start all over again. Suddenly your scrotum begins to itch, and you stick your hand – covered in the wrongly proportioned mix of bleach and Sudafed that was supposed to be your meth – down your pants, and – OH, THE MIRACLE OF MIRACLES! – as soon as you touch your scrotum with the mixture it immediately stops itching and instead feels cool and soothing and oh so good!

Being the enterprising teabagger that you are, you apply for a patent for your accidental invention. Once you obtain a patent you open a factory in Assfuck, Alabama that makes a cream that contains your wonderful anti-scrotal-itch formula. Just as you expected, millions of men across the U.S. want to get rid of that annoying scrotal itch and replace it with a cool soothing feeling, so they buy your cream by the truckload. Soon you become a very wealthy teabagger – among the wealthiest 1% of the American population – and you are living high on the hog. Instead of a trailer you now live in a mansion. Instead of driving a jacked up pickup truck with truck nuts you are driving a jacked up Bentley with truck nuts.

Not only are you better off now, but so are the residents of Assfuck, Alabama, where your factory is located. Many residents there have found new, better paying jobs, which gave them more money to spend, which infused more money into local businesses, which hired more workers, and so on, until Assfuck, Alabama became a boomtown full of happy, financially well off people. Then one day Republicans gained a majority in the House and the Senate and a new Republican President got elected. Next thing you know, they gave all one-percenters like you a tax cut. So now that you had all this newfound money on top of all the wealth you had before, what did you do with that money? Did you expand your scrotal itch cream factory and create more jobs? No you did not. You see, just because you and the rest of the top 1% got a tax break does not mean that more men started experiencing scrotal itch. Thus it made no sense for you to produce more of your cream as your customers would continue to buy only as much as they need and the rest would just sit on shelves collecting dust and costing you money. That tax break you and the other one-percenters got did nothing for the DAMAND of the goods your businesses produce, and without a bigger demand there is no reason to produce a bigger supply.

So if you didn’t spend that extra money to create more jobs in Assfuck, Alabama, what did you spend it on? You spent it on closing your factory in Assfuck, Alabama, and opening a new one in Malaysia instead, where the cost of labor is 10 times cheaper and you don’t have to worry about those pesky worker safety or environmental regulations. Everyone who worked at your factory in Assfuck suddenly became unemployed. When these former workers of yours had no money to spend at local businesses, the local businesses went bankrupt, laying off their workers, who no longer had money to spend on the remaining local businesses, and so on. It wasn’t long before Assfuck went from being a prosperous boom town to an economically depressed, blighted hellhole of urban decay and crime.

THAT is what happened to Detroit, the automotive jobs left town and prosperity went with them. Once prosperity was gone, the city’s tax revenue decreased leaving it no money to pay for schools, infrastructure, and other components necessary for an economically healthy city. The cycle continued until Detroit became the ruinous shell of its former self that it is today, and eventually had to file for bankruptcy.

“But Detroit is a Democratic stronghold” I hear you say. Once again, you teabaggers are demonstrating your tenuous grasp of logic by putting the cart before the horse. No, Detroit didn’t become poor and blighted because it kept voting Democratic; Detroit keeps voting Democratic because Republican policies are what made it poor and blighted. You are hereby dismissed!

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