Cats Are Evil

Slate ^ | 1-25-13

[SJackson]

Why New Zealand is right to consider banning them in order to save its wildlife.

You know what animal makes a good pet? No animal.

Dogs will bite you to death and then eat your corpse. Snakes will asphyxiate you, escape, infest the Everglades, and eat all its mammals. Pet parrots perpetuate a trade that upends ecosystems, and hamsters pass you dangerous zoonotic diseases. But perhaps the worst pet of all, environmentally speaking, is a cat.

Domesticated cats started out as parasites on human civilization. Unlike other species, and admittedly to their credit, they domesticated themselves. When humans started growing grain, the crops attracted rodents that attracted cats. Wild cats evolved into housecats, and they were quite useful for thousands of years, killing disease-ridden rats and mice and protecting our food stockpiles. But now that we have industrial farming, reliable food storage, and mostly mouse-proof houses, cats are mere parasites again. Playful and often affectionate parasites, sure, and adorable when young, but a scourge on the landscape.

[null and void]

Most human pets are carnivores. Says a lot about us as a race.

It says we are quite, quite mad.

[JRandomFreeper]

It says we are quite, quite mad.

Nah. Just the meanest, toughest, smartest critter on the planet.

/johnny

[SJackson]

And every ordinary deer rifle shoots ordinary hunting bullets that will go through the best body armor there is like a hot knife through butter, Mayor Numb Nuts.

Ouch. Never having owned one, maybe I souldn't comment, but I've spent years living with kitties when their owners, my kids, were pursuing their education. Love the kitties, but you're right. They're not human friendly, imo. Probably cause when I had 2 or three cats, I had 3 dogs, which are the best.

[Hot Tabasco]

Children should learn at a much earlier age not to treat animals as they would a sibling.

I learned the lessons. I had a big black feral cat that became my pet when I was young. On two separate occasions I carried it over to the river next to my grandma's house and tried to throw it in just to see if it could swim.

I still have the claw scars on my back following the unsuccessful experiment.........

Lesson learned: If a cat doesn't want you to know if it can swim, don't press the issue........

[null and void]

Yes, yes, all that, and quite, quite mad.

[varon]

Humans are responsible for most modern extinctions, whether through hunting, habitat destruction, introduction of invasive species, or other environmental disruptions.

SHAZAM!!! The hunt is on to find the invasive species that will cause the extinction of the LIBERALS!!! Seems as global warming isn't getting the job done................

[ZirconEncrustedTweezers]

I have three. I’m eviler than thou!

[Boogieman]

Well, evil is a silly word to apply to animals, so I use it jokingly. They aren’t good or evil really, but they certainly don’t have our best interests at heart. They’re purely selfish animals, only cynically manipulating humans for their own convenience.

[fattigermaster]

We carnivores just have a mutual admiration society going on...(I can tell this gal doesn't need a TV at her house)

[JRandomFreeper]

K. I'll own that. That and opposable thumbs keeps us on top of the food chain.

Who eats sharks? A hairless land ape with no great strength, limited swimming skills, no claws, and no serious teeth.

It's good to be given dominion and stewardship over all the critters of the earth.

/johnny

[visualops]

Well our cats are very effective pest control. so I have no worries about what will happen to the occasional giant fargin’ floriduh cockroach that wanders inside as there is nothing that moves that they will not seek out and destroy in some fashion.

[spodefly]

I love that! I could watch it all day. That future Democrat (whining, sniveling, violent little child) is lucky it wasn’t my cat he hit like that. ‘Baby’ is a lean, mean 20 pound DSH/Aby mix and would have had that kid’s eyeballs hanging from his claws after that little outburst.

[JRandomFreeper]

only cynically manipulating humans for their own convenience.

Whoa... that's getting into ex-wife territory.

/johnny

[JoeFromSidney]

we were overrun with field mice every autumn when the first frost arrived.

Same here. We live at the very edge of town. "Rural" starts at the edge of my property. Every fall we'd find mice in the house after the first frost. Then we acquired a couple of cats. In the five years since then, not a sign of a mouse. The cats earn their keep. Besides, they're very friendly.

[ConradofMontferrat]

Again my FRiend, the kid wasn’t the bad guy. The cat and his momma were.

Watch the full vid:

The kid was DEFENDING himself, and his mom thought the whole thing “funny.”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XMIhL63KPxw

You decide.

[null and void]

Uh huh, and what fully animal that can't stand getting wet likes fish, and how do they get fish, hmmmm?

The CAT is sitting at one of the consoles, eating. He finishes the meal and goes over to the food dispenser for another.

CAT: Mmm-mmm!
DISPENSING MACHINE: Hello. How can I help you?
CAT: Fish!
DISPENSING MACHINE: Today's fish is trout a la creme. (Produces a dish.)
Enjoy your meal.
CAT: Fish!
DISPENSING MACHINE: Today's fish is trout a la creme. (Produces a dish.)
Enjoy your meal.
CAT: Fish!
DISPENSING MACHINE: Today's fish is trout a la creme. (Produces a dish.)
Enjoy your meal.
CAT: Fish!
DISPENSING MACHINE: Today's fish is trout a la creme. (Produces a dish.)
Enjoy your meal.
CAT: Fish!
DISPENSING MACHINE: Today's fish is trout a la creme. (Produces a dish.)
Enjoy your meal.
CAT: Fish!
DISPENSING MACHINE: Today's fish is trout a la creme. (Produces a dish.)
Enjoy your meal.
CAT: I will!

He heads back to his seat with the six containers.

If it exists, there is a Red Dwarf of it...

[varon]

[null and void]

fully animal? uh, make that furry animal...

[JRandomFreeper]

Red Dwarf, Blazing Saddles, Monty Python, and John Wayne. Pretty much the biggies in my philosophical life.

Beats the hell out of Nietzsche and Kant.

/johnny

[ConradofMontferrat]

I have a personal connection with this kid.

Went to a neighboring farm, they had geese. I was only a little bigger than this kid.

The male geese attacked and hammered me. Chased me around the car and hit my head with their beaks. I was bleeding but no one could see it.

My mom and her friend sat on the porch, laughing hysterically, it was the funniest thing they had ever seen. I was crying and screaming.

Then, on one more turn around the car, I found a stick, and things changed. I hit the first goose and sent him flying, on the next turn around the car, I was beating them badly with the stick. Geese make noise when they are hurt.

All of sudden, it wasn’t ‘funny’ any more. The owner of the geese got really p!ssed. My mom grabbed the stick, and THEN she saw what the geese had done to me.

It turned from bad to really ugly at that point, when my mom finally came to her senses and realized that I had been in a serious fight and had gotten hurt while she sat and laughed.

The owner of the geese was really upset at the damage I did to her effin geese. The one I connected with was damaged to the point of ending up in the stew pot. (YESSSS)

Friends were lost, and my mom never again thought such things were ‘funny.’

That kid did good. His mom should be spanked till she cries.